Tam's Journal.....Tragedy to Triumph

[Tam]

Saturday March 26

Saturday was a very good day. Finally had some quality family time. We woke up and decided to go to "Hub Fest" It is an arts and crafts show in our downtown area. Felt like we walked 10 miles but hubby said that we only walked 1 mile. UGH. Realize how out of shape I really am. Every bone on my body hurts from walking!!!! Told hubby I wanted to walk again today and try to work some of the soreness out. He said that he would walk with me and then kids joined in and said that they would to. YAY!!!!!!!
So to get to food.......bypassed breakfast but had a bottle of water. At about 10:00 we had a New York style hotdog, bag of baked chips and a sprite. That was a welcomed break. LOL then ccontinued to walk some more. About 12:00 we went to this place called Coney Island and had an awesome Poboy and water for lunch, then YES moe walking!!! Found a booth where pepsi was giving away free can drinks announcing new summer flavors so I got a diet citrus blast. It was pretty good but I guess when you are hot and thristy .....anything would be good!! We continued to walk some more and decided that we had seen everything so it was time to go . Got home and sat on the couch ( that was a welcomed site!! ) I thought....Hubby decided that we needed to go and clean K's room at the house we are moving into. We cleaned the baseboards and walls and then moved all the boxes that we had packed in there so that I could have room to pack and store more boxes. Beyond tired now!!!
3:30 had a bottle of water.
Finally dinner time came and yes I was way to tired to cook. Talked hubby into going to Krystals where I had 4 burgers (krystals is like white castles ......of a dinner roll with a very thing pattie, onions and mustard in it.) Left there and went to office depot to get the kids a new backpack for school. Did a good bit of walking in that store just looking around.
All together did a lot of walking today and felt sore but really good about it. Hope to keep it up!

[Ann_is_Alive]

Tam, keep up the good work!

I too am addicted to food.

Although gone are the days where I would binge eat literally everything in the fridge after being abused, I still struggle with eating a large pizza or a dozen tacos or 6 whoppers in one setting.

I have lost over 150 pounds over the last couple of years and am eating better and healthier than ever, but still struggle.

Medically, it's a struggle too. When I lost weight, my blood sugar went up not down, my blood pressure went up not down, my vitamin d levels plummeted. Sometimes I wonder why I try. I'm on more meds and will see dr. in a month for an update. Hopefully, my levels will be better.

Although I do not have them like I used to when I have flashbacks, I go back to my old eating habits. Which is extremely frustrating, But now, during those times I ask God to fill me up with His security, His love instead of filling up with food.

I can only do one day at a time, sometimes one meal at a time.

GBU

Ann

[Tam]

Sunday March 27

ok didn't have breakfast today. slept thru it. Hubby woke me up and we took my car to the shop to have my brother try to figure out what is wrong with it. Then got back home and stopped up at moms and helped daughter work on her room some more. Move day is coming soon!!!!
About 2:30 decided I was a little hungry so I had 2 corndogs and a bottle of water.
Went to office to do some work after that and got home about 6:30 broke down and fixed some tuna for dinner. Ate just a little of that and called it good. Had a bottle of water with it.
Calling it an early night for different reasons but will be back here tomorrow.
Good night and God Bless

[Tam]

Monday March 28

7:oo I had 2 breakfast burritos and chocolate milk mood was kinda dreading the day.
12:00 I had a tuna sandwich on wheat bread and water. Mood was kinda blah
6:00 We had cream corn, chinese rice, english peas and 6 pieces of popcorn chicken and water for my drink. mood was good

[Tam]

Ok So went to the dr. office today to get the results of my A1C and I am no longer border line diabetic. I have diabetes. Dr. told me that I had to change my eating habits (yeah right), exercise more (yeah right again) and take yet more meds. UGH One good point was that the dr. said that this could have alot to do with the mood changes I have.
I guess when you choose to make bad choices you have the consequences to pay for. So I will just bat my ears, do what I am suppose to do and just get over it. So yes I am bummed just a little today.
Watch for changes in my journaling. ha ha

[stillstanding]

Love ya. sis. sorry for your bluck news.






much love

[Tam]

Tuesday March 29

Breakfast 6:45 had 2 breakfast burritos and a sprite mood was nervouse
lunchat 12:30 I had a hamburger pattie, serving size of italian green beans, serving size of rice and 3 bites of corn. No bread and Water mood was overwhelmed
about 2:30 had a pack of peanut butter nabs and water mood was overwhelmed
didn't eat any dinner....wasn't hungry until it was to late to eat.
mood still overwhelmed trying to figure all this stuff out. Son's list was not this bad but maybe I was just as overwhelmed with him.

[Timothy]

Why did I come in here this morning? I"ve been in this forum...um...maybe twice since it opened. Whats up???

"Read Tam's Journal"
He said.

Ahhhh! Thats why He brought me here!

Welcome to my world, sister Tam

Here are a few things that help me.

High Fiber foods. I luuuuv bread! I get those sweet whole grain "high fiber" breads.
Simple Wheat bread doesn't have the high fiber and many still too many carbs.
Read the lables, get high fiber, at least 3.

Walnuts. At least half a cup a day. More if you feel the need to flush the colin.

Fresh fruits, at least three a day.

Go for a brisk twenty minute walk five days a week. Invite God on that walk, He's great company!

Its work at first, but becomes habit after a while.

God bless you and I will pray for your obedience to Him in the concerns of this matter.

Love ya sister Tam

Timothy

[Tam]

Wednesday March 20

Breakfast 6:45 One Piece Peanut Butter Toast and 1/2 c Orange Juice mood was ok
snack 9:45 10 Almonds and 1/2 c Milk mood was ok
Lunch 12:45 Turkey/cheese sandsich, 10 Cheese puffs (16 was a serving size) and Water mood was ok
snack 3:45 4 peanut butter nabs and 1/2 milk mood was to full
Dinner 6:45 salad with cheese, ham, eggs, broccolli, onion 24 krutons dressing on the side and water. Mood was upset and crying

[Tam]

Thursday March 31
6:30 3 peanut butter nabs and 8 oz. of milk
9:30 Special K breakfast bar and water
12:30 1 cup of spaghetti and water
3:30 orange and 4 oz of milk
6:30 salad with chicken, cheese, eggs and lettuce and water
9:30 A hand full of almonds and water


UGH I am going to pop if I keep eating like this!

[Tam]

Friday April 1

April fools day and what a fool I have been. So got off the way I was suppose to eat today.
almost to embarassed to post it but made a commentment and plan on sticking to it
6:30 breakfast 3 nabs and a glass of milk Mood was good
forgot snacks at home so at 9:30 walked over to the store and got some grits. And ate them. Mood was good
Mood went from good to really nervous because of having to go eat with boss and strangers. I guess maybe that is why I mad a pig of myself. Maybe feeling insecure and fearful is a trigger for me eating.
1:00 had to go to lunch with my boss and some clients that is where I was really a fool. We went to the best buffet in town I had one spoon of corn, on spoon of greenbeans, one spoon of mac and cheese, one spoon of fried Okra, one fried chicken wing, one fried piece of fish and about 6 bread and butter pickle slices. After that went and fixed a small salad with ham, eggs, cheese, chow mein noodles, bacon bits and ranch dressing. After that went and got 4 peach slices.
Yes totally embarassed at what I ate!

4:30 hubby and daughter picked me up at work to go and price fence to put up at the new house. Daughter was starving so we went to backyard burgers and yes I had to eat again. I had a grilled chicken club sandwich and some french fries, and sierra mist. I knew to leave teh fries off but did I NO! I didn't Mood was stilll ugh

Was already feeling bad about eating at lunch physically yuck! then had to go and put more on top
of it. So absolutely miserable tonight. Not even going to check the sugar because I know that it is up there.

So tomorrow is another day to start over. I don't have to beat myself up because my stomach is doing a good job of that.

[Tam]

Saturday April 2

Had alot to do today and had good intentions of eating right.....hope that counts :D
8:30 1 piece of toast and glass of milk. Mood was good and excited about working on getting the fence started.

We got started on digging holes for the fence poles and mowing the grass in that area. Hubby was digging and I was pulling grass away from the A/C units. Legs started burning and looked down and they were totally covered in fire ants. OUCH!!!!k Thank the Lord daughter happened to be bringing us a bottle of water, Well my legs got to drink mine after I beat the ants off! Started back pulling grass again.

About 3:30 had the shakes and realized I had not eaten since breakfast (big no no) so went in and had a sandwich and water. Mood was still good but legs were hurting badly. Called the ER and they said to take a benedryl and to watch my breathing. I was good..just itchy and hurting.

7ish I had a sandwich and a pickle. Mood was still good but really Tired from being outside all day.

WIll do better today on my eating.