The Inner Child

[Ann_is_Alive]

Pine,

WOW!!!! You want to go back to where it happened?! You are alot stronger than me. There certainly is a lot of what ifs there aren't there.
I get it. You do what you need to do. Everything will fall into place as you go. I believe that.

I have thought about going back to the house where most of abuse happened. Don't even know if the house is still there. But I could never do that. I don't think I could handle all that.

Keep us posted. You are doing good

Luv ya sis

Ann

[Lionhearted]

good morning my pinella blessings on your courage!!

What if ...
What if ...
What if ...
What if ...
What if ...
etc

I hear ya sis ... don't you let the "what ifs" get in ur way. Whatifs are seeds that satan will plant for further use ... in excuses and fear.

Your heart is right!! Your motives are pure and you are a courageous daughter of the King ... hand picked by Him, before you were born, and before the foundations of the earth where even set!!

Keep up the great work of your healing

luvsya

[Tam]

Pine
What if God uses this to touch you heart and heal another spot?
What if this makes you a stronger person in this area?
What is God has already gone before you and prepared the way?
What if you rest in knowing that God is in control and He has you?

The what ifs will consume you if you let them. I have a question for you sis

DID GOD TELL YOU TO DO THIS?

If you can answer an honest yes to that answer then rest in the fact that He will carry you through. If you did not hear God telling you to do this....ummmm....
please think about it really hard before you do it.

Prayers will go with you!

Love ya sis

[Dora]

Thanks Lion for the encouragement.

Ann You are just as determined to heal as I am. Maybe your time to return will come. Maybe you'll be able to bury it without returning. Pray for me sister.

Thanks Tam. So true!
Did God tell me to do this?
Well I didn't put out a fleece to see if it had dew on it or not. But I have this very very strong feeling to do this. I have gone back to the bridge that my dad held me over. I have to admit it seemed to open the scar that I thought was healed. But I didn't go having prepared, through prayer. I was in the area and just went. I didn't deal with the feelings that surfaced. I just stuffed them back down and left. Maybe I need to visit that place again as well.

I feel drawn to it. To uncover what I've hidden from myself. To lay down my life so to recover the inner child. So that she can be free. It's a search and rescue mission.

I admit, I'm scared to death. I can't stop trembling at the thought of standing in the same place where things happened.

I saw my counselor this morning and told her my plans of visiting the past by going back to where things happened. She said we have work to do before this. So I'll be seeing her twice a week instead of once a week. Seeing her is like going to the surgeon to have a wound cleaned out and it hurts. So I tremble more. But I can do this! I will do it! I am doing it!

She said God has already concurred this, he's just catching me up to where he's at.

When I return my family will find out. They'll be hurt. They will have to live with the crosses in the woods as a reminder of how I was hurt, their daughter, their sister. I worry of causing them pain. I worry they'll deny it and be angry.

My counselor said It's like I'm plowing a field that has never been plowed and as I do the dirt is going to fall into the path of others. It may make them angry, they may kick dirt back at me, or they may choose to start plowing their own path. It could be the time for the family to begin to heal. To stop denying what has happened. And to admit things were what they were. If they choose to deny it and try to stop me, it won't be the first time and I'll continue plowing through this barren ground with out them. I pray they are with me because it will hurt if they turn their back on me.

Preparing for this trip has made the memories intense. Last night I woke up screaming twice because of the nightmares. Could be the enemy trying to make me afraid of the memories so I will push them back down where I don't face them. Going to face them, head on, through the power of Jesus, with the comfort of the Holy Spirit, and my friends and family by my side. I am talking about you all, and cubby, cause I'm not sure my physical family would have my back or stab me in it. Onward Christian soldiers.

[Tam]

prayers go before you sis.

[Lionhearted]

pinella said: I am talking about you all, and cubby, cause I'm not sure my physical family would have my back or stab me in it.

YES!!! my sis ... we are with you because we are for truth ... and for whatever it takes to expose lies that would seek to hide truth, especially truth that heals!

I love you Pinella; i know the road you are on, how utterly filled with pain, and some how the word "pain" doesn't seem to quite cover it, does it?

Perhaps it is said better from our Lord, "He drew me up out of a horrible pit [a pit of tumult and of destruction], out of the miry clay (froth and slime), and set my feet upon a rock, steadying my steps and establishing my goings." ~ Psalm 40:2

When i was going thru my healing from my abuse and God was opening all those old wounds, this is exactly where i felt that i was ... in a horrible pit of tumult and destruction that was full of froth and slime ... BUT, i love the end of this verse ... such promise!!!

Keep on keeping on my sis

[deetu]

The closer you get to that freedom, the more the enemy is going to try to stop you. Don't forget that you can bind those demons so you can face things without them bothering you.
Gotya back!

[Ann_is_Alive]

My prayers are with you my loving sis.

[Dora]

Thanks all.

I had counseling yesterday. It was ok. She said I talked so long I ran out of time for therapy. Hee Hee! Now I know how to get out of it.

So therapy today at 3pm. I'm always in a bad mood on these days. Cause I know what I gotta do and hate doing it. I wish people understood and would just give me extra space. But then they don't understand cause I don't share what's going on. So how can I expect them to understand. I don't share cause it's just to yuck. They think they want to know but If I told them I think they'd just wish I wouldn't have shared. Maybe I should share when they want and allow them to decide that. It's hard to get the words to come out.

[Ann_is_Alive]

I know what you mean about sharing Pine.

I had a bad therapy last night. I chose not to share. I could not say the words that I was feeling. They didn't understand, but how could they. I should have. After all that is what group is for right? But, I was afraid I would upset people. They wanted to know what was up with me, but I didn't think they really wanted to know. But, like you said, maybe I should have shared and let them decide whether or not they were upset.

Hope therapy goes well for you today. I hope words flow. My prayers are with you.

Luv ya sis and Gbu Ann

[Lionhearted]

good morning to pinella and ann

pinella said: They think they want to know but If I told them I think they'd just wish I wouldn't have shared.

and

ann said: They wanted to know what was up with me, but I didn't think they really wanted to know.

i noticed something in both of your posts. but before i share, i would like to say that you both are doing fantastic in your healing, i love your courage to step up to what the devil has done to both of your hearts, this takes much strength of character.

you know, so often we are given the impression that, if we don't ALWAYS consider others feelings ahead of our own that we are wrong or bad or selfish. this is incorrect and not truth. Jesus says, "If indeed you [really] fulfill the royal Law in accordance with the Scripture, You shall love your neighbor as [you love] yourself, you do well." ~ James 2:8

sometimes its necessary to ... love yourself first ... so that it is possible to love your neightbour AS you love yourself; you cannot love others unless you do it from a full and wholly healed heart. getting well is a gift we give to others.

my dear sisters, this is YOUR time to heal first. its part of the process of pushing through ... focusing on yourself during this time; not what others might think of you. you are supposed to be focusing on yourself right now ... so that you can get well. if you take the focus off of yourself and your task at hand ... you will be focusing on the wrong thing ... what others are thinking.

yes, when we over focus on self we become unbalanced; but i don't think that happens when you are healing. its when you get "stuck" in self focus that it becomes dangerous ... i don't believe that either one of you are in that spot.

when people ask what is bothering you, or how you are doing; they are trying to love you. take their question at face value (focus on self) and answer their question. period. how they deal with what you tell them, isn't your problem (focus on self) ....

.... this is an important step in living freely in transparency ... being the true you

i love you both!

[deetu]

I heard this and wrote it down...

If we don't have freedom, we cannot freely give....



I agree with lionhearted.
An example is someone who I am trying to help. I understand that she has placed walls up to protect herself and that she sometimes tells me things I want to hear instead of what is needed to be loosed but the Holy Spirit knows and redirects. When she does tell what is really there, there is a breakthrough but she hasn't caught the connection yet.
And I'm not fazed by what she tells me because it's not for me to judge, just to help her get free.