The Inner Child

[Christnundrconstruxn]

Amen

[Tam]

Amen

[goldieluvs]

[dema]

Pine, I know I do NOT know what you are going through.

I do wonder about your safe place and if you can get there without your counsellor.

I do know that you are NOT fighting this fight alone. Repeat - you are NOT fighting alone. Control is not the answer.

You are loved. You know you are loved. I would think that thinking about the love would help you at this time.

And, I know that if God is having you face something, that 1) he will be with you in facing it and 2) it is kindof futile to fight him on it.

Pine, You are loved, you are loved, you are loved.

[Dora]

Thank you all so much for your prayers! I am doing well and getting better daily. I still have a week till I can get help dealing with these thoughts that haunt me. The awesome news is since I was prayed over and spirits bound, I can think clearly and I can hear, read, and see again. I am moving forward with caution, with His word in hand, new verses for weapons, and a hand full of fellow warriors to help me through this.

I learned a few things.

#1. Don't ever allow someone to take you into your past to areas you have never experienced if you are concerned of loosing your sanity, unless they are a licensed professional that knows how to support you emotionally and mentally if need be. Those things you never would look at because they are so terrible, don't look at them alone. Get help. People in real time that can keep a close eye on you. Someone who cares and loves you.

#2. If you become filled with strength to take on your past, don't do it alone! You may feel like you're a warrior ready for battle, but the enemy knows where the cracks in your armor are. Move forward with caution, with your eyes open and watching for the enemies schemes, and with fellow warriors who are willing and able to pray for you.

#3 While advice is good, it does not replace the guidance of God and should not be used as such. Seek Him first and always test every piece of advice against His word and His voice. This morning Joyce Meyer said....Stop asking everyone and anyone for advice and go to Him. Paraphrased. After all He is the one who knows everything.

Psalm 13 and 2 corinth 1:8-9 were given to me by His spirit. They were great comfort during this time. As well as words shared here. Thank you all.

[dema]

Soooo glad you are back. Missed you. Love you. Praying for you.

[Dora]

Thank you dema

Just so it's made clear. My Friends NO ONE did anything wrong.

I temporarily lost my sanity. I am responsible for what I let in and out. I am responsible to make sure I am hearing things the way they are being said. I am responsible to be careful who I choose to talk to and listen to. I am responsible for seeking answers from someone other than God. Even licensed professionals say things they shouldn't. They get in a hurry some times. They treat their client like a client instead of a human from time to time.

There wasn't one event that pushed me to the place I was at but many many many.

[goldieluvs]

awwwwwwwwwww bless ur heart... sis... no worries. we all love u.and am glad ur back

[Dora]

I don't feeeel like sharing. But I'm encouraged to and to be real. I really don't see the point. Sharing seems to give the devil permission to have me for lunch.

I have lots of anger bubbling out of me lately. I get angry at myself and others. Then I want to hurt something, usually myself.

I hear someone calling me. In the dark. Telling me to hurt myself. It feels like such a warm cozy place to curl up. Like all the struggle will end if I do. It seems like it would be a scary place. But it feels like home. Then when I resist, I feel guilty for even having the thoughts enter.

I asked God where are you in all this? I felt a huge covering over me, like a very heavy grieving. And I heard a quiet voice say right here. I don't want to grieve Him. I'm sorry Lord. I want to be strong. I want to overcome. But at the same time I just want to give in and give up.

I wonder why I have to struggle with this right now. I wonder if it's so I can feel what others feel. I wonder if there was a huge grieving in the air around Jesus when He suffered. I wonder if one day when my struggles are over and my enemy is dealt with...if the earth will shake. I wonder if he'll deal with my enemy when he comes to rescue me.

I wonder if this attack is so strong because the memories that are bubbling out are satanic. I wonder if the liar is working extra hard to get me to believe I am his because of what happened. I wonder if the liar forgot that I know Grace and I know love. I wonder why I sometimes forget that I'm given grace and love. I wonder if others who went through what I went through ever felt this way. I wonder were they are. I wonder if when I feel I'm loosing the battle if my angels feel they are loosing the battle as well. I wonder if the flash of light in the dark I saw was an angel. It looked like a star. When I think about them I don't feel so alone in this battle. It's a reminder of His love and provision for me. His protection. I smile when I think about that.

Psalm 1
1How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
3Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
4my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
5But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.

[Dora]

Well that stinks. Why can't I delete my own posts.

[dema]

I believe what you write is amazing. You are so eloquent, Pine.

I am sorry you are suffering so. I am glad you are able to resist.

God bless you in this. I pray that you are able to let go and let Him more and more with each passing day.

[Dora]

Something seemed to have broke through last night.

Today I feel lighter and happier. My hubby feels the difference and is bouncing all over the house with joy.

I keep getting this picture of the past memories that I must work through (the ones I have not worked through) as if they are like a big poisonous snake determined to bite me. I'm scared to death of snakes. So this picture does resemble the fear of visiting these memories in order to work through them. Like a snake lurking in the dark waiting for it's moment to strike, I gotta kill the snake so I can go on with life with out this feeling of the snake is going to get me at any moment.

After this picture a verse came to mind. Mark 16:18 they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will …

If He is leading me through this then I can do it.

The fear, the anger, the grieving of the terrible pictures that pop up into my mind through out the day is causing me huge struggle. But today some how I've been able to set it all aside. I don't feel hounded by the thoughts and voices.