Springs, streams, and rushing rivers: whisp blog

[Whisperingsprings]

I don't give too much info about me online. i describe things but try not to give out too many details. that said, my line of work is a cross between construction, janitorial, and customer service. Think Walmart and that's a pretty good idea. hope that helps.

looks like i'm going to be off for a few days. i need the work, but, i think God feels that I need to be home instead. my body is still tired. spouse/roommate came in saying that i looked funny propped with all the pillows. i suppose i did, but my muscles were twitching. i've offered to trade places with the roommate and let them work my job for a while. that way i can return home. roommate said no. roommate doesn't like all the activity at my place of employment.

i'm still doing fine. i cry on and off on the inside these days. the lack of physical touch is painful. the receiving of selfish physical touch is worse. it isn't give to please the receiver. it is given to take for the giver.

spoke with a friend at work. women like me and her aren't wanted. she agreed. we sat down and talked for a while. whether it's our personalities, or looks, or what, i'm not sure. her previous roommate was violent. they had 3 children together.

i can't say that she hasn't found anyone. she can't say that either. what we have noticed is that, we weren't wanted. we've decided that it is our physical appearance. we look different from other women- she and I.

i've tried not posting pics on the internet and meeting people strickly through conversations. i've described myself a couple of time though briefly, and the conversations change there after. I've learned much. so has my friend. it was sad. my friend and i agreed. there are no more tears for now for either of us. I suppose the tears will come back around later.

i think this is why at different times, some of us had so strongly considered lesbianism. though none of us outwardly said the statement to each other, we knew. understanding when spirit of rejection recognizes another with the same challenge.

we know that Jesus also suffered rejection. We understand all these things on the level of the brain. I suppose for each of us, we are slowly transitioning from head to heart understanding with the depth of this rejection. Even Christ's own rejected Him. My friends and I, we are the same.

today, right now, there is no emotion or very little at best. i am neither glad nor horribly downtrodden in sadness. i am existing breathing, and recognizing fact. just as my friends.

[mlg]

for both of you...you and your friend...it's not an easy walk day in and day out...struggles come and go...but what brings peace is God and when we feel that we can't go on...He always is there to carry us...

I pray you feel better soon...and can get some rest.

Have a good weekend sis.

luv ya

[Whisperingsprings]

Blessings in the storms:

I've begun writing in my leather journal again. Though many enteries I would prefer not to be read by my children, I've begun again. I slept very hard after.

I'm wondering if perhaps my body is trying to catch up on all the sleep that I've lost over the past 2 years. Sleeping on the couch, fitful nights tossing and turning, waking up frequently. Now I sleep alot more.

I think that this is necessary. I am reading my Bible more often and this is of course most helpful. I've also begun meditating again. This too has been helpful.

My weight is stable. I consider this a blessing from my Lord.

I need to become more diligent with my practice of yoga. It relaxes my muscles and stills my mind. Combined with scripture . . . . I feel much better.

I am exhausted again. I've only been awake for 1hour at the most. I haven't taken my medicine and I'm exhausted again. LOL.

I don't like being this tired, but, I am grateful that I can take advantage of the situation and sleep.

Oh, and our babies are beautiful. That's the other blessing.

Heck, the dog is beautiful too.

And before I forget, the roommate/spouse is nice. It aches within my soul to say that, but it is true. He is nice. He brings me sandwiches and tea so that I can eat and drink. He also watches the children so I can sleep. So, I shall be grateful for this bitter-sweet thing.

[Whisperingsprings]

@mlg:

May God richly bless and keep you. I've not felt alone through my struggle. Nor have I felt as isolated, due to the nature of my struggle. (I've learned that as soon as someone says their marriage is in trouble, people stay for a brief while then scatter. Like cockroaches in the light - friendships disappear.) Yet, you . . . you stayed close by. Though sentences were brief, understanding and kindnesses out-stretched were felt as the depth of such pierced my soul and marrow of bone.

for this, I say, Thank you my friend.

sincerely,
whisp

[mlg]

You are a special friend to me...I read your shared thoughts, and I offer prayers for you...I have been blessed to be able to encourage you and to smile with you...

As for that sleep sis...oh it's a commodity for me these days too...when I lay down to sleep I usually sleep well...but it's getting time to sleep...too many things at times to do...and work has been a bit wild for me...this is my first day off in two weeks...and a much needed one at that

luv ya sis

[Whisperingsprings]

please make time for yourself to sleep. your body needs sleep to help heal itself. Is there a way that you can simplify your life any further?

I know it's terribly difficult with children and being the only parent. I'm trying to get a handle on that one myself. So many things need to be taught to my children or they aren't going to become responsible adults. I worry about this alot.

Why in the world are you working soooo many days?! I get what you're saying in that you need to work that many days. I really do understand. My mother was the same way. Work often came home with her too.

How is your schedule, though? Are you able to balance normally and this is just around the time for evaluations, large projects etc.?

I am concerned for you as well, my friend. I watched the company my mother worked for turn her into a slave. It was interesting and I learned alot. Sometimes, I think people use each other. Sometimes, I think we allow ourselves to be used by others wittingly and unwittingly.

Regardless, becareful out there. The world is a nutty place - I'm the walnut rolling by, don't forget to wave, .

[mlg]

sis you are a hoot...

well normally...work isn't so demanding as it was this past weekend as I had to attend a conference...and I was able to take my daughter with me...which was good...but left little time for rest...

I had a nice day today though...had a few things to do...but not too many and got to rest some...and will be heading off to sleep here in a bit...

It's just you know the ups and downs...whether it be my daughter needing something, or my job...just has seemed a bit more these last few weeks...it should be slowing down now some.

Thanks so much for caring.

luv ya

[Whisperingsprings]

glad you were able to laugh.

headed to the pool with 4 little boys: ages 8-10.

gotta admit, i love it. i like being a boy mommy.

anywhoosie, i gotta run. i'll write more tonight

[mlg]

Have a good time sis...I'm headed off to bed...

luv ya bunches

[Whisperingsprings]

Out in the waters . . . . .

Hmmmm, both literally and symbolically actually. Today was a day that I swam. Not much by many people's standards, but I did as much as I could. I'm trying to get stronger.

I am also learning more about yoga and trying to practice yoga more often. (I bought a book - 2 to 3 weeks ago.) Oh and before I forget, I'm also journalling off line. I didn't realize that I needed to do this again. I've been avoiding doing so because it can be painful. but since I'm now admitting things here regarding the rejection I'm able to return to the journal, with pen and paper. I guess I was avoiding or struggling with the depth of the rejection alone. I don't feel so alone now.

I will be glad when I drop back down to 130lbs. It's easier on my body. I only have about 7 more pounds to go, I think. Anywhoosie, that's my new goal. Oh yes, and I have to read scripture tonight before I go to sleep.

Have a good day tomorrow everyone. hugs, whisp

[mlg]

Hi sis....glad you were able to find the journaling offline as helpful to you as well. Sometimes when we do this...we will be more honest and open with ourselves...I know I am.

Well I'm off to work sis...see ya later.

luv ya

[Whisperingsprings]

Goodmorning world ,


Wondering what all adventures will be had today. Okay, so I actually know what needs to be done. Groceries, swimming, and speech therapy. This will knock out the day until 7pm tonight because of all the driving.

Coffee is definitely first on the agenda.

I'm not going to get through this day without , , and .

(I love emoticons, . They remind me of the Highlights magazines that I buy for my boys .)

Today my goals are to cheer on my babies , rather than constantly correcting. This is very difficult with the little man who has autism, but, I'm going that way anywhoosie. I like love, it helps to get all the cheering going and the boys love it.

Meanwhile, silliness !!!! An abosolutely necessity don't ya know love the silliness with boys.

Oh dear!!! the first little friend is here already and I'm typing on the computer . Well, have a good day everyone.

Big hugs,
whisp