Abuse: May Trigger

[Moriah_Ruth]

My thoughts for the moment.

I just started reading the "Beauty For Ashes" today. From chapter 1 there was one little line that got my attention. The one line in chapter one stated that hurting people hurt people. That usually people who have been hurt in some way or other they end up hurting those around them. I find this so true and answers my question as to why people do bad things.

I do not know much about my parent’s upbringing, however I did find out that my mother had a mental illness. She had OCPD. It took me a few days to go back in the past and saw that it was true. At the time I thought that it was normal for my mother to act the way she did.

I don't totally discredit her too much. She was also intelligent in other areas. She was just not there emotionally. She was probably frustrated with herself and took out her frustration on her children. Her taking over the counter drugs and drinking didn't help the situation any.

With my father I think that he was plain frustrated at what was going on with mom that he didn't know how to deal with it. So he took out frustration on his children. I think that this eliminates some of the anger and hatred toward my parents.

As for the free will and God allowing things to happen and that He will judge all at the end, I am starting to understand some. Not completely but some. The rest will fall into place.

My other thought.

I wish I could go somewhere, where it is quiet, peaceful and relaxing. I would like go to a nice garden where the sun is shining. Or in a nice spacious room with lots of light and sunshine and just sit and read. Better yet to cry and let it all out without anyone around. Just God and I. To be able to go in an empty room and take out all my frustration.

Moriah Ruth

[realtmg]

Moriah,

It's sad to say that maybe why God did not bless me with children because I might of been like your parents.
Me being a problem drinker and ocpd . Also was very emotional.
GBU !

I hope this helps in some loving way.

In Christ love,
Real

[Moriah_Ruth]

Realtmg,

I understand totally where you are coming from. I may not totally understand what it is like to be OCPD and a drinker, however I do understand the frustration that goes with it. Please don't feel sorry or bad about yourself. Keep looking to God's love and He will wrap His arms of love around you.

It took me many years to understand why my parents were the way they were and why they did what they did. It must have been hard for them. If I could erase all those years and look at it differently I would understand totally why I am the way I am today. I see little at a time. With God's grace I will have the healing for He is my Healer.

Moriah Ruth

[wonder777]

I'm new here and I just wanted to say that I was sexually abused by my stepfather as a young girl. He raped me but he also molested my brother and 3 sisters. The two sisters after me were his by my mom. By what I know, he also did this to the six from his first marriage. I'm the last one still struggling with this and the only real trigger I have at 37 that still lingers is hearing his full name or seeing pictures of him. For the last year God has been dealing with me about forgiving him. He died in 1999 when I was 23. I have told God that I have an interest in doing that. I am from NC.

[dema]

Forgiveness is often misunderstood. Forgiveness is giving to God what was God's in the first place. You can't punish your father. You can either hold onto the hurt and anger, or you can let it go. Forgiveness is saying to God, "God, take it, I don't want the hurt and anger any more, I dont' want to think about it anymore, you do what you think is best - it isn't mine."

Forgiveness is largely accepting your place in the universe. Because the only person it affects is you.

If you father was alive, God might tell you to tell your father. But more likely he would not. And I would tell you that the only time you should tell your father would be if God really put it on your heart.

Often children abused by their fathers are even more upset at their mother. Have you dealt with that?

Forgiveness is a process. You need to look at the pain, which I believe you have done, you need to feel the hurt, acknowledge the inner child that was hurt. Grieve with her. And then be angry - and give yourself permission to be really angry. And then, only then, are you ready to give it to God and move on. When you do this, triggers will bring it back. When a trigger brings it back, you work through it again, but in a matter of days instead of weeks. Eventually the triggers can be worked through in a few hours. And they occur rarely.

God bless you.

[mary hernandez]

You are a very wise woman....who has been abused in more ways than one....You are very right...No one can truly say they understand what you been through (unless they themselves have walked that road ) I agree...and, sometimes people can say insensitive thoughtless comments without even realizing how hurtful and cruel it can actually sound and be...And, I ask that you forgive them for they know not what they say or do...And, if I offend anyone for that comment forgive me...But I must be honest and speak whats in my heart and mind...

I was sexually molested at the age of 3yrs old,5yrs old,7yrs old,11yrs old,raped at 13yrs and 26yrs old...all by different people...not to mentioned the many tried failed attempts as well...I also suffered from physical, and mental abuse...and spiritual too...I been through a lot in my 44yrs of life...And, I felt so alone...I also felt ashamed...I thought It was my fault....I went through all kinds of emotional rollercoasters trying to make sense of this life I had been dealt...I also thought God hated me at times...I struggled in relationships...I found it hard as heck to get too close or trust anyone...I went through countless re-triggered moments...some accidentally brought on by something that just took me there unvoluntarily every time... and the moods would spiral outta control at times...I woke up in tears a million times...I have trouble letting a man sleep in the same bed as me or room period...I feel the need to protect myself and guard myself with locked doors...can't sleep if another person is in the same room...unless its my nieces or nephews...people I feel safe around...I haven't fully re covered from my child hood trauma...but I have found a way to make peace with my past...I had to find it in my heart and soul to pray and forgive my offenders and asking that God forgive them too...For they know not what they do...What I have come to learn is that a lot of people sexually molest and rape people usually have been a victom theirselves...repeating the offense made to them on another...why they do it...I will never ever know...But, I do acknowledge it is some sort of re inactment of some sort...whether they realize it or not...for most cases..not all...some people e just sick and twisted....which are just as much in need of prayer and forgiveness...God helped me to realize this...I just know that there is hope...there is healing...there is restoration...and it is a process...a very painful one at times...more than others.. Before I ever turned to God...I turned to drugs and alcohol to try to hide from the pain inside...I never wanted to be sober...I stayed drunk and high round the clock...But it just made matters worse...and just made the anger and rage rise out of me instead....my past tormented me daily...for many, many years...It don't hardly as much anymore...very rare in fact...Don't get me wrong I still struggle with certain things...b know God will see me through them as well...Seek God is all I can tell you...I felt a strong urge to share my testimony with you...After I released it all over to God...My life began to change...slowly but surely...whom I give all the glory, honor and praise is due...I hope you found the tiniest bit of comfort in my testimony. God bless you praying for you and with you...Ask him to help you forgive your brother and who ever else has hurt you in any way shape or form...start there....I love you in Christ....I am here for you...love, Mary

[mary hernandez]

You are a very wise woman....who has been abused in more ways than one....You are very right...No one can truly say they understand what you been through (unless they themselves have walked that road ) I agree...and, sometimes people can say insensitive thoughtless comments without even realizing how hurtful and cruel it can actually sound and be...And, I ask that you forgive them for they know not what they say or do...And, if I offend anyone for that comment forgive me...But I must be honest and speak whats in my heart and mind...

I was sexually molested at the age of 3yrs old,5yrs old,7yrs old,11yrs old,raped at 13yrs and 26yrs old...all by different people...not to mentioned the many tried failed attempts as well...I also suffered from physical, and mental abuse...and spiritual too...I been through a lot in my 44yrs of life...And, I felt so alone...I also felt ashamed...I thought It was my fault....I went through all kinds of emotional rollercoasters trying to make sense of this life I had been dealt...I also thought God hated me at times...I struggled in relationships...I found it hard as heck to get too close or trust anyone...I went through countless re-triggered moments...some accidentally brought on by something that just took me there unvoluntarily every time... and the moods would spiral outta control at times...I woke up in tears a million times...I have trouble letting a man sleep in the same bed as me or room period...I feel the need to protect myself and guard myself with locked doors...can't sleep if another person is in the same room...unless its my nieces or nephews...people I feel safe around...I haven't fully re covered from my child hood trauma...but I have found a way to make peace with my past...I had to find it in my heart and soul to pray and forgive my offenders and asking that God forgive them too...For they know not what they do...What I have come to learn is that a lot of people sexually molest and rape people usually have been a victom theirselves...repeating the offense made to them on another...why they do it...I will never ever know...But, I do acknowledge it is some sort of re inactment of some sort...whether they realize it or not...for most cases..not all...some people e just sick and twisted....which are just as much in need of prayer and forgiveness...God helped me to realize this...I just know that there is hope...there is healing...there is restoration...and it is a process...a very painful one at times...more than others.. Before I ever turned to God...I turned to drugs and alcohol to try to hide from the pain inside...I never wanted to be sober...I stayed drunk and high round the clock...But it just made matters worse...and just made the anger and rage rise out of me instead....my past tormented me daily...for many, many years...It don't hardly as much anymore...very rare in fact...Don't get me wrong I still struggle with certain things...b know God will see me through them as well...Seek God is all I can tell you...I felt a strong urge to share my testimony with you...After I released it all over to God...My life began to change...slowly but surely...whom I give all the glory, honor and praise is due...I hope you found the tiniest bit of comfort in my testimony. God bless you praying for you and with you...Ask him to help you forgive your brother and who ever else has hurt you in any way shape or form...start there....I love you in Christ....I am here for you...love, Mary

[dema]

When a person has been sexually molested, they carry the shame. A woman who has been a victim will round her shoulders, look down a lot, refuse to look people in the eye, not really pick up her feet, wear lots of clothes - sometimes even wearing two pairs of pants. Predators recognize the shame. And they know that this person won't tell.

That is why the victim becomes a repeat victim.

I had a mother who made me look up, straighten my soldiers, look at me when I'm talking to you, pick up your feet...

I had a friend who said, "Look at people in the halls. Don't look down all the time. Why are you wearing those clothes? Here, wear this. Let me fix your hair."

They both hounded me pretty good for the year after. And it saved me from the ..........

Anyway, that's why. It isn't your shame. It is the predators. If they know you will report, they will go find someone else.

[mary hernandez]

That's a very good observation...Cuz lord knows I did all the above...and, I have managed to break outta those habbits of walking in shame over the years...By the glory of God of coarse...and I really think you are absolutely right...wow..that sure does explain the repeat targeting ....I did not realize this..Wow..it's amazing what happens when people who have been down the same path can enlighten each others path in some way or another... thanks so much Dema
truly appreciate the enlightment...as well as encouragement...not fall victim again...God bless you...