Consequences

[realtmg]

There are always consequences when we Choose to sin. It always comes to us sooner or later. I write this because several years ago I occasionally used a needle to shoot cocaine. I found out this week that I had hepatitis C in which I probably used a bad needle.
I have always suffered consequences from my drinking and drug use in the past. God has always chastened me in order to get my attention and correct me.
I write this for all who read in order to warn that there is no good thing that comes from a temporary high or think that by medicating your problems; they will go away. It only gets worse.
But now I know that God will provide because I seek Him and trust that He knows best.
Now I have to have treatments from my selfish desires and disobedience.
The good thing is I have been forgiven and i know He is in control.
He is beside me and knows my heart and will carry me through. I thank Him and praise Him for His mercy and forgiveness as I am unworthy.
I am a living miracle.

Luv all of you for Real!


Real

[Tracy L]

Hi Real. Boy, can I understand consequences!! I can relate to that totally. I stuffed my feelings for yrs and put on the "happy, I'm fine" self-righteous Christian" face for yrs. Underneath all that though were hurt-ful feelings that I kept from others who cared, uncluding my mother, who begged me to "talk about what was bothering me". I was one of those non-talkers who thought I could handle my own problems and hurts. And as a new Christian back then I didn't know to take my worries and cares and hurts to Jesus, so I stuffed them into a religious face. You know, I still remember right after I got into church, I felt so alone and hurt, I would start to cry and then I hid my tears from ppl there cuz I did not want them to know I was crying cuz then they would ask what was wrong and I did not know to "share my burdens" with my bro's and sis's in Christ. I was so messed up that I kept hurting, quit going to church and went back out in the world searching for the "fix" to my pain.
Well, I did not go to drugs or alcohol....no...my addiction was relationships. I tried to find a "person" who would "love" me. It even came to the point that I didn't even care if that person was a Christian or non-Christian. I even married someone (he was a Christian) that I barely knew cuz I was so desperate for someone to love me and "take care of me" and my pain. That marriage was horrible for me and for him cuz come to find out he was as bad off as I was, looking for someone to help him. Well, we all know that saying, "the blind leading the blind".
Anyhow, after 12 yrs and 4 kids things completely fell apart. I ended up going back to my old lifestyle (homo-sexual)...yes, I do struggle with being emotionally as well as sexually attracked to women. And he went deeply into sexuall addiction (which he had all along stuggled with). So, my addiction was emotional feelings for women and his was porn and masterbation. Well, we can see there what a bad match that was for a marriage. And to think we could "fix" each other!!
So, here I am now, suffering with my consequences...I have hurt many ppl by my actions...including him, my friend who I was involved with, my kids and my mom (who worries sick about me). And of course the most important of all, I hurt the Lord. He did try to tell me, I'm sure, before all the came down in my life but I guess I had "deaf ears". My ears are clean now and now I have to start over on my journey. I have wasted 24 yrs of my life trying to find "love" when LOVE-->JESUS should have been my "first lover". Boy, what a hard lesson to learn. Not to mention the guilt, condemnation, mental breakdown and physical problems I have had cuz of all this sin.
The only good thing that has come out of all this is that I have come back to Jesus, and humble myself daily to Him. I had to forgive myself cuz I couldn't see how He could. At one point I even thought I had apostasied!
I just couldn;t believe how He could even look at me after what I had done. But others convinced me He still loves me!!! Talk about amazing grace!!!
Well, I could go on and on but have to do some house cleaning (boo).
Take care real...GBU.
Tracy

[realtmg]

Tracy,
Thanks so much for sharing from your heart. I needed to hear that. You nor I are alone in this as we know. I am hoping that more will share their experience, strength and hope. For me, it's been one bad thing after another. If is wasn't for God and this site, would be way out there somewhere in the midst. I try and be grateful and serve a s best I can.
I have see you online alot and have not had the pleasure of meeting you. It is my pleasure.
If you need to share, feel free to contact me as I am always in the shadows watching.
This forum was designed to help each other and uplift. We all have our days.
Again, thanks for sharing as we share a common bond.

In Christ love,


Real

[Sylvia]

Hi Real,
My son has Hep C. He was treated for it in 2003. He recently had a blood test done and they thought it had come back. But thank God it hadn't.
They said what was on the blood test was called a "shadowing". Which means you will always have something that shows you once had Hep C.
Sin is very much the same way. We carry around the scars of our mistakes.
But through the scars of Christ our Saviour we are free and forgiven.
God will get you through this my dear friend. He will give you exactly what you need day by day. The battle might be raging around us but thank God He is with us in the midst of the fire.
He will never let us down.
Luv You
Sylvia

[gailamnu]

real someone told me that the more you can serve the Lord the more the enemy will attack you. he leaves people alone that dont scare him, but he shakes at the sight of a believer on his knees in prayer and praise. fiery darts mean true heart. but God never allows more than we can handle. wow i wish i would apply this to myself. anyway i know what you have done for people like me searching for a way out of the pit and finding nonjudgment but truth and accountability and a reminder that god loves us and uses us to help each other. and sometimes the more you help others, the more you will need help because you will be a target. it is a compliment that the enemy tries to break you down. but greater is He that is in us than he that is in the world.
Luv ya Real

[realtmg]

gail,
You have been in my thoughts and I've seen you on occasionally. Good to see you post. You are correct what you stated here and I thank you for the reminder. Stay in touch sis.

Luv ya


Real

[Psittac]

Tracy L:

Thank you for sharing your experiences. There was one thing you mentioned that I wanted to relate to and thats the thought of having wasted years away from the lord. I spent several years in seclusion because of drugs and look back on the almost 1/3 of my life spent lost. It's really hard for me to understand loosing so much of my self or even to look at the good side of it all. But in the end I was lead to the lord and my life today is so much better then the days before being lead astray.

I just wanted to mention something good that did come of those years of your life, the 4 lives you created that will some day meet with god. That is a blessing beyond all.

[gailamnu]

i struggle so much lately with shame of having wasted so much of my life not living for God... and then having found Him, drifted away again... i've felt like a failure, the disappointment and hurt made me almost give up, too afraid to come back... i don't seem to be able to be strong in the middle of crisis like so many people seem to be...

but i did want to share a verse that came to mind, i can't quote it exactly but it says that God will restore to you the years that the locusts have eaten... i believe He can restore anyone's life no matter what they've done or how long they've been away...

anyway, thanks for sharing...

gail

[Tracy L]

Thank you so much Psit and Gail for your sharing and encouragement. It always "seems" like you are the only one who messed up so bad when you fall or jump in a pit like I have done in my life.
I always think I am the worst or only one who has done these things and struggled so hard with my faith...losing it, gaining it and losing it again. I seem to be like on a merry-go-round with the Lord. Sometimes I think He has given up on me and then something good will happen (like meeting everyone on this site) or someone, sometimes even a stranger will say something to me and in my mind Iim like ..hmmmm...maybe He is still there.
One thing I have kept hearing from folks is to not look back and keep doing the woulda-coulda-shoulda thing with my life. They say to look forward and keep going even though I might mess up again....maybe I will...maybe I won't. One counselor I say a couple times (he was a Christian) said that I never learned "grace" when I became a Christian. He and I went through my life since becoming a Christian and I told him all my sins I did "after" and how I felt so condemned and he said I somehow did not learn that God is patient and has grace when we get saved and when we do fall that He is waiting for us to come back.

And yes Psitt.....the 4 children...whether I had them for the right or wrong reasons are a gift. They don't seem like it right now...they are teen-agers but.....I feel like God will work in their lives somehow even though I may have messed them up some while trying to raise them. Only the Lord knows and can help them cuz of what I have done. I pray for them and cry out to the Lord to help them with whatever they struggle with.

I had read a book and too many to count testimonies on folks who the Lord restored after they had messed up (and this was after they had gotten saved). Some ran for yrs from God and some had deep problems and kept sinning cuz they couldn't get any help from anyone. I understand that feeling. Now, I don't want to blame anyone for my sin. I did it on my own but I often wonder why churches are either too exteme in the since of beating up ppl when they sin.....or they take sin too lightly. I don't take my sin lightly...I know it was and is wrong....but I can't keep bashing myself either or I will never get "well" emotionally, etc...and therefore will keep looking for "loves" elsewhere. Seems like a catch 22 there.

And yes, Gail, some of the testimonies I read mentioned "the yrs the locust ate away". One I read was about a man who had problems with homosexuality and couldn't seem to overcome it....to make a long story short...he ended up getting AIDS but .....came back to the Lord and felt at peace and like perhaps he had been used by God to "wake" the church up to the problems with the condemnation it has when it comes to helping homosexual folks overcome this sin. Now, he was not "condoning" his sin...he was saying how the church judges certain sins and won't or can't help the individual with solutions or just love them and such. Sometimes I think some churches and Christian folk like to categorize sin...like they can deal with the "straight" man or woman who has (just for example purposes) a problem with adultery and lust...but they don't like to welcome or help the folks who "they" find disgusting and yucky in their sins. And when this happens I always try to keep myself in check...like would I be ..say ...a friend and help one who deals with ..say...drugs or booze...or prostitution.....yes...i think I would cuz my sin is so great how could I judge them...it's just a different sin problem than mine.
Not too long ago, when I was visiting my mom and step-dad...we were staying in a hotel...and were woken up by a fight in the parking lot. Apparently, a man was beating up a woman...my step-dad said she was a prostitute and the guy was her john....but I saw this and she was crying ...and I went over to them and just hugged them and told the Lord to bless them. I still wonder if they got help. They and my step-dad probably thought I was nuts but I just felt like doing that. Those folks need help ...you know....just like we all do.

Anyhow, I sure do thank ya'll for encouragement and the love on this site. I am thinking of doing the counseling thing on here. Seems to be helping allot of ppl learn and heal.

Love to all,
Tracy

[goldieluvs]

Awww real . Its awesome what you do for others here. I kinda got off track trying to help with the singles thing here, but am back now. I remember the struggling and u just sharing a word or two letting me know someone was there who cared. It was awesome and made a huge difference for me. We do have consequences but we will one day be in Heaven and none of this will matter anymore whoooo hooooo!!! In the meantime, we are destined to continue walking the life path on earth and trying to be who God would have us to be. That devil sneaks in when ya least expect him. Rebuke him in Jesus name and he's got to go. I recently learned that and it was an eye opening experience for me when i actually put it into practice. Bro,, u r awesome and bless people so much. Thanks for being you.... GBU

[gailamnu]

Tracy, it can seem so discouraging to struggle and be on that merry go round of faith... someone said some people are fast learners and others always seem to take the long hard route over and over... the key is to not give up... to stop being so hard on ourselves and ask God to help us through the process in His timing...

and remember, guilt we feel of being "bad" because we aren't doing right is really from the devil. he wants to beat us down with overall shameful feelings about ourselves and keep us defeated so we never move forward. But God's kind of guilt is really called conviction, and conviction is very direct and specific. He zooms in on an action we need to correct, and wants us to repent of specific sin and run back to him like a little child so He can take us back under His loving wing...

i agree that church people can unfortunately judge others, usually by their own standards of good and bad... vices are more obvious and easily condemned... but to God, sin is sin, whether promiscuity or drugs or how bout pride or lying... some sins just have more obvious and damaging side effects and consequences... but God sees heart motive over outer behavior, and brokenness and restoration from any sin is what He wants, not to keep us in bondage by our guilt or other people's judgment.

Paul said oh wretched worm that i am! i do what i do not wish to do, and i don't do what i wish to do, who can save me from this body of sin? Thanks be for our Lord Jesus our Savior... He also said he has not gotten there yet, but all he can do is not look back at former things, but instead keep pressing ahead for the calling of Jesus.

there's a very good book out there called Bondage Breaker... it describes a road with row houses on each side full of evil spirits who taunt and whisper accusations and guilt to the person walking down the road... and the voices begin to wear the person down with shame... and he falls to the dirt... but ahead at the end of the road is our Father with open arms... each moment the person stays on the ground defeated by the words of the spirits, they cackle with glee because he is paralyzed in his walk... but God is holding his loving arms open wanting us to get up and stop listening to their voices and walk, even crawl forward toward Him and His love and grace and mercy...

one man who struggled with pornography would have the temptation all around him when he traveled... he was so discouraged and shamed because he tried so hard to withstand it, he would struggle in his mind not to do it, and would end up doing it. finally someone told him don't fight it because it will just put it in your head what you are fighting... instead he began to sing praise songs or say praise psalms... and thank God that without him he could do no better... somehow the praising brought heaven closer to him and scared those little devils right off, since they hate to hear praise in the middle of their temptation attempts.

Anyway, just keep praising God that He must love you so much to have brought you here to Oasis, I know He did that for me as well, to find loving, nonjudgmental but truthful brothers and sisters who will tell you like it is. It helps to have people who understand and also want to help steer you to the Lord.

Keep in touch and thanks for sharing your heart.

Gail