my confession

[jau722]

This really awkward for me but I know that the only I can truly be delivered from this is to bring it to the light. I've kept this a secret for over a year now but I can't no longer, I really need help. I've been apart of a church for 7 years who strongly believe in purity. We go on retreats every year and focus on purity. Well, I had doubt in my mind that I was going to be able to wait until marriage before I had sex. I thought it would be easy and I didn't think that it would ever happen. Well, my boyfriend and I (both being virgins) made a commitment to God that we will remain pure and wouldn't have sex until we were married. When I left for my first year in college my boyfriend would come up and visit me whenever he could. Normally when we would date before , we would always be careful because we would either always see people from our church we knew or we were always with a group of friends. We never were truly alone. In college since I lived an hour and a half away, it was weird knowing that no one would pop up out of no where , we were alone and that's when the problem started. Every time we saw each other it was like we would take things farther and they should go. Orginally , my boundary was just holding hands, hugging of course, and like kissing but not for long periods of time, just a short small kiss. Whenever he would come though it would always go farther than that kiss but we always managed to stop right before sex. We didn't do it but in the back of my mind I always wondered how long that would last. Long story short, eventually we ended up having sex and now it's like an addiction. It's hard to stop. I love my boyfriend and vise versa but we just don't know how to get that control back. We both want to change and we both feel horrible after we've done it but we just don't know how to gain that self control again. We both want to do whats right and I just worry that if we don't stop I'm going to end up getting pregnant and in this period of my life that would be the worst scenario.

[itsjanet]

Encouraged by your bravery in repenting and seeking the will of God. In today's society, you can be reassured that about your guilt, but I think the Holy Spirit is speaking to you and your boyfriend. Perhaps you and your boyfriend can pray about this together. Give thanks to God that both you and your boyfriend are children of God. God loves you very much and has great plans for you. Seek godly counsel. Will keep you in my prayers.

[TMB]

I understand. I really do. One day I just realized that this is not the path I want. I want to be close to God and Jesus and doing this drew me away. I was scared of going to Hell, I mean if you do everything right on the outside but arent right on the inside your not doing anything right, right? You have to talk to Jesus and ask for forgiveness and ask Him to help you when you get the urge. You can fight it because this is not who you are. This is not what God has planned for you. When you get the urge turn on tv. Do a puzzle. Play a game, go for a jog. Keep a bible next to your bed so when the time comes you can look at it n be ashamed to do something infront of it.. seriously though you have the power over Satan. You must find your strength