Just an update

[Chargers]

Sorry everyone I haven't been on here in a while life has been so so crazy. Since I have been on the site last I've been to court with my dad that was not fun and something that i never want to do again. Been in the hospital having seizures having all kinds of test done. Went to visit family that I haven't seen in almost 14 years and realized how much that I really missed being around family. So I started looking for a job thinking that it was going to take awhile well a week after I put in for a job they offered it to me. I had to go back and forth if I should take it I had friends a good job and was happy where I was as well. But I was missing something in my life and that was the feeling of being loved really loved.. Not just told that 4 letter work with no heart or feeling behind it. I decided to move and I have been here for 2 weeks loving my new job it is a lot different then the one I had but a change it good. Still missing some of my friends but know in the long run this is what I need. I'm now looking for a place to live while working and staying with my family. Want to get a place soon so I can go back and get my dogs I miss them so much it's crazy.

Still having my good days and bad ones with the dreams and bad feelings. Have to really work on not second guessing myself on choices that I make. Which I seem to do a lot.

Just asking for some prayers for this and to deal with some stress of knowing that I might have to go back to court at anytime and the dreams.

[Dora]

I know that anxiety and dread of something might happen any minute that will shake me up. It steals your days away. It's not Gods plan. I feel for you going through court. Wow is that difficult! You are so strong it make it through and to continue going on with life. Very proud of you. Many could not or would not do what you did. It takes strength.

How can you help your fears resolve? Is there someone you can talk to about the case to help ease your mind? The prosecuting attorney or victim advocate?

If you have PTSD there is a drug they can give you that stops the night mares. My doctor didn't know about it until I saw a psychiatrist and she put me on it.

[Chargers]

As far as talking to anyone I don't know I have closed myself off for the most part so I haven't tried all that much to reach out its not who I am. I hate to let people know that I need help or that I'm hurting. So as far as that goes I don't know.

I do second guess myself a lot in almost everything it's hard to be away from my friends and my dogs so I brake down its just so hard to be away from everyone. So for a few days I really thought that I made the wrong choice and thought about going back. I can't bring my dogs down until I get my own place cause my family has 2 dogs.

On a good note I did go look at a town house the other day that I like a lot it had a fenced in back yard which would be good for the dogs and it's about 40 min from my work and 40 min from family. So I'm thinking that I might take it and get moved in by the first of the month and then my first weekend off go back and get my stuff and my dogs. So I look at it like its only about 2 weeks away.

Things are still hard with dealing with some of the things that happened to me. Some of them I'm not ready to deal with and others I just can't seen to get over. I guess it's just one day at a time but it's so hard sometime to do that where I don't think I will make it another day.

[Dora]

I guess it's just one day at a time but it's so hard sometime to do that where I don't think I will make it another day.

Yes and sometimes one moment at a time. Stay safe. Treat yourself gently. Give yourself time to heal. You won't be in this spot forever so hang in there.