? I appologize

[vahn]

Wowza girl , it seems a lot had been "happening" since your last post huh ??? But that's all for the good sister .

Glad to have you decided to come back and share some more , see , such is the recovery process - its like the peeling of an onion , no sooner than we remove one layer , there's another one underneath - but here's the good news . Ever notice ? That when we first start the "peeling" process the first layer is the most , well , lets say "troublesome" , it is dry , brittle , and crumbly . We can never be able to remove the first layer in one piece . However , the more layers we remove , the softer and more managable they become , and pretty soon we will be able to remove the whole layer all in one piece , and before we know it (and here is the best part ) we suddenly realize that the reason we are able to do so , is not because we are getting "better" at it , it is rather the oinion is getting smaller , and that if we continue the good work , there will no more onion ! ... so , what do we do ? .... Grab another onion !!

CCCC and/or 12 steps , or better yet , the combination of both .

It/they , helped me to sort out all that was going on in my head , and put them in separate files first , then , it helped me to pick the one (file) that I can handle most comfortably , and get rid of that and move on to the next ... one file at a time , one day at a time .... We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves , and that's a promise !!!


Luv ya
In Christ , our Lord
vahn

[d.schneider786]

Hello,
My name is Derrick. I am new to this site and am trying to figure out how to use it still. I have some major issues in my life that I was hoping to talk to somebody about to get some advice. I am trying to get my life and walk with God on track. Where do I start on here?

[realtmg]

As we chatted a few minutes ago; I told you to start a new thread and do the CCCC program.
I also said I'd be watching!




GBU



Real

[killingMEsoftly]

Welcome Derrick! This site is great, you'll love it. And I'd love to listen anytime you want to talk.

And yes vagn a lot certainly has been 'happening'. I've been going through everything in my head and my heart and, like you said, have been peeling away the layers of the onion.
As my ex always says...'If you always do what you've always done, then you'll always get what you've always gotten.' He also always says the definition of insanity...'Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result'.
So, I'm changing things finally. Changing my thinking and changing what I do. I've actually made some pretty good progress already and I actually feel better. I feel good. I feel optimistic for the first time in quite a while. And I took a step yesterday talking to my ex...even he said "Finally!" He said that I finally stood up for myself and was open and honest and that this was what he'd been waiting forever for. I'm proud of myself for taking a step and moving and making progress.
So long as I just keep on pushing and don't allow myself to fall back to where I was or worse, I'll be fine
And I'm keeping faith that this isn't just one of my 'cycles'. I'm normally really down but for a bit I get really upbeat and then I go right back. I don't want this to just be a 'cycle' anymore, I don't want to go back. I want to keep on moving forward no matter what. I want to be happy for once.

[vahn]

When we walk through the woods , it is kind of hard to trip over big ole logs and fallen trees , 'cause we see them right ? we can't miss , they're huge ... but , what we DO trip on , are the little twigs that are right under our feet ... know why ? , because our attentions are focused on the "big" stuff .
By constantly trying to find ways of to how to get around , or to how to remove those logs we often lose sight of what we are about to step or avoid stepping on .... Hence , the "fall" .

"Why do I keep doing this ? KNOWING what happened the last time , KNOWING the answer to my problems ?? There must be something wrong with me !!" was a regular cry-of-woe with me for the longest time .

Defense !!! ..... I failed to build a defensive strategy , being too busy trying to figure out why was I always having one "problem" after the other , being too busy trying to find a solution (and succeed in so doing) , but no sooner that I look at the log my face hits the dirt !!! why ? .... Because I had nothing to hold on to when walking in the woods , like , say , a walking stick ? (something or one to lean on ?) or better yet , a machettee to clear the brush -ok , more like a sword ? as S-Word ? as in Scripture and Word ?)

"How about we clear a little path for ourselves before we GET to that log " .. my sponsor told me .
(What does he know !!!)



You're doing great , keep up the good work , don't worry about the small trip-ups and "falls" , just get your butt back up and move on


Luv ya
In Christ , our Lord

[killingMEsoftly]

I'm certainly going to keep getting my butt up. I'm definitely not going to just give up anymore and stay laying there on the 'forest floor'.
I'm going to keep going and pushing through the trails and I'm going to get there.
I've had an amazingly positive attitude lately which isn't the norm for me. I'm feeling good, feeling confident. I'm enjoying myself and being much more social. I know that I still have quite a ways to go but these are big little steps for me.

I haven't felt like I need to drink or anything. I don't feel so self destructive anymore, and I actually am beginning to accept, love and be proud of myself.
As far as drinking, I've only had one drink this week. :D
I'm getting there. And I'm going to make sure that I get there and stay there.

[vahn]

Atta girl , keep up the good work . As your "signature" states , Progress ... one day at a time , today is a good day (God made it) , lets savour every moment of it .




Luv ya
In Christ , our Lord