"Do you think I'll stay sober ?" X3

[vahn]

For three days in a row , by three different individuals , I was asked the question "vahn , do you think I'll stay sober ?"

A bit of a background ... 1) : I'm the type when , something , event , sight , smell etc. repeats itself for the third time , I start to scratch my head and take an inventory (spot check) ... 2) : I am now working for the same organization (non profit , recovery based) , though in a different field , but still involved with recovering individuals ... same "boss" (administrator) we had when in Maine ... (coincidence ? .. HAH !!!) ...

Any wayz ... Here's what prompted (led) me to type this , whatever it is that I'm typing , (obviously it is causing some kind of an issue... what , I dont know) ... Usually , in the past , (inventory result) , I would answer a typical question like that with "Do you want to stay sober?" , but no , not these three times , that was not my response . Instead , all three times , I asked back with "Are you drinking now ?" ... of course they weren't right ? They were in truck with me !! .. well after their no's , I said "well , for the next 6 hrs you're with me , I assure you you will stay sober , but the minute you're outa might sight , chances are you will drink !!!" ... needless to say , that statement -for all three of them - did not "sit" right , and to tell the truth neither did it with me . Why ?

One "theory" I can come up with is ... sober people don't have to worry about whether they are "going" to stay sober , so , only people who worry about drinking fret about staying sober , hence my response , as long as you're stay with me , I know you won't drink , otherwise you WILL ... Now , please don't get me wrong ... I'm not saying I will stop them or have the SuperPower TO stop them , in fact , I would probably buy them the bottle !!!

Why is it bothering me ??


In Christ , our Lord

[goldieluvs]

vahn

I read this a few days ago and at the time i was like wow, i need to really think/pray about this cuz i think there is something there. I mean if it's bothering u, then something is off kilter. Well, then life got hectic as it oftentimes does and then i come back again.

And again, i am not sure wat to say, except perhaps there is something in there that is meant for you to learn. I dunno if that makes sense. Lords knows my judgement is way off and my actions are less than desireable most of the time. Perhaps it was more a statement of your commitment to remain sober cuz while they was with you ,they wouldnt drink cuz you weren't gonna. The once u leave.. u WILL thing has got me to thinking in various ways so im not quite sure but again, i think there is something in there for you.

Sometimes when "I" think i am strongest, is in reality when i am actually weak....and so, with that i luv ya brother and am praying

[realtmg]

Ever heard of stinking thinking? Maybe I'm off base.

Luv Ya


Real

[dema]

I read this and went to bed - didn't want to hurt your feelings or damage you by not having given this sufficient thought.

And I think that is just what you did Vahn. You damaged these people by not giving this sufficient thought before you spoke.

I recommend that you go to people who have experience in this and ask them what the best answers are. I can tell you that the answer you gave violates principles in the Bible. Read 1Cor 13. Love believes all things. And the second commandment is like unto the first - love your neighbor as yourself. As you believe so shall you be.

If you don't believe in what you are doing - then why are you doing it?

Why are you sober? Why do you think that these people can't do what you do? Because you never asked the question?

I don't know the answer but I have some multiple choices:

1. It doesn't matter what I think - it matters what you believe.
2. You can't do it on your own. Are you trusting God?
3. Why are you asking? Asking sounds to me like you haven't made a decision. Have you made a decision?
4. Not drinking is one day at a time and one minute at a time - and for the next six hours, your minutes are taken care of because you are with me. But in those six hours, you need to make a decision to keep sober one more minute at a time.
5. I can believe in you if you can believe in yourself. Can you believe in yourself - God helping you?

As you can see, one of them is a take-off of your answer.

I was going to phrase a more cynical, but still somewhat politically correct answer, but I believe that violates the law of love. These people drank for a reason. Why did you, Vahn? And why did you quit? Would your answer have helped you?

[dema]

People tend to live up or down to our expectations. And to their own. People have moved mountains because one other person believed in them. People frequently drink and do awful things because they believe that they don't matter - that they are less than nothing. One person believing in them, one person saying, "I will agree to believe in you if you will agree to believe in yourself and God" can make the entire difference between success and failure - it can mean saving a life. If you haven't read the AA literature and reviewed what it means to be a sponsor, I think that would be very helpful.

[Lani]

Hey Vahn

Ya know... I too read this and stepped away for a bit to think.

One of the things I admire most about you, dear brother, is your ability to get right to the point. So often, we loose sight of His Truth trying to conform to societies standard of "treading lightly".

It was and is a direct question, "Are you drinking now?" Now is all we have in our control, each moment that passes by, each step we take IS a choice.... posing the question as you did will stay with them with each step/moment and that truth, Will encourage them to continue.

"For the next 6 hours" You opened yourself to be their accountability in that time... and showed the presence of tangible, dare I say "Real" strength we all need sometimes. And again in that sharing, His message of Truth will carry with them and in its own way it will encourage them to continue on this path of healing.

Chances are .... Amen. We are so easy to slip when left "alone". And before anyone pounces... if you have faced ANY addiction or hurt ya know how alone it feels before HIS LIGHT shines... but in that moment of SON-Light


Why is it bothering me??
Made me smile... it bothers you cuz 6 hours is just that 6 hours what about the other 18. You understand their pain cuz you have been there and want desperately to show them HIS truth... through actions, not words.


You have been an example of strength and support, beneath that "gruff" exterior to many... myself included bro. For all those times I failed to say thanks... Thank You (and yes, I thanked HIM too)


One of the things I enjoy most about our Oasis family is the ability to share that which is unclear to get various opinions I know fully in your shared words that HIS love is present in your heart.

As for these 3, I will stand with ya in prayer for them as well. God's Will be done.

So now that it has been a few days and you've had time to ponder... care to share what HIS truth has brought since this post?



Peace n Luv in Christ,
Lani

[vahn]

Hey guys

Thanx for all the replies .

Brother Real ... How DARE you call it "stinking thinking" !! .. huh ? huh ? .... Don't you think we should use more sophisticated terminologies ? ... as in "Blue Cheese mentality? ...

Oh , and speaking of sophisticated mentality .... Oh Dema ... I will try my best to be as "sophisticated" in my response to your reply ... Lemme think a bit ... ok ... Here it is , I got it ... I got it !!! .... I will use your lingo ... oh , parbon , language .... LAH TI TAH ..... But , then again I was told to stay in REAL-ity .... so , we're not to use others's lingo's ... so , here's mine .... WATT -- EVAAAHHH !!!

Lani ... Of course I'd much like to share what had transpired since then .... but first I'd like to get the the "blue cheese mentality" out da way first !!

In Christ
our Lord
vahn