mercy 7 journal

[Mercy7]

Sigh.........Im in deep water now--and drowning. I can't stop wanting to do it and even hurting myself now, I need help and no one to turn to besides Jesus but I need like someone literally here with me and well I guess this is only one way to stop and thats to turn computer off for the summer time while i try to get on track with Jesus. i was in tears after it happen last night and I dont want to hurt myself neigher does Jesus. Why is it so hard? I think its couse like no one to really talk to and like all alone during the day with just in my room and well its just relationships missing that need to be there and well they aren't. thanks forl etting me explain.

[Christnundrconstruxn]

awwwwwe Mercy I'm sorry you are going through this, please know you are not alone and I understand EXACTLY what you are going through.
What you are saying about the computer I totally understand but i couldn't bring myself to do that because it is all I have as for connecting with my Oasis family and other people I know.
You might also consider this, it IS an addiction, some will agree some won't (the ones that don't haven't delt with it)
so as with me maybe outside help is needed to get control, I know I know WHAT outside help no way!!
but it may be the only choice we have sometimes, just as an alcoholic needs AA or the ones on drugs needs to dry out in a treatment facility, I know it's the scarriest thing to suggest but please consider all options and with ANY of them put Jesus 1st as He will see us through even the darkest of addictions.
God bless
Cuc

[Wonderfilled One]

Hey Mercy,

I have to agree with Christianunder..bout tryin to connect with a support group where you live. There are usually more there than we think. I'm not sure what your insurance situation is, but I went thru 4 different counselers, not because they were bad choices, but just different areas. There are support groups for women only. I was also in men's groups, and ya can find some real connection in them.
There are also free internet safety programs to block content.
I hope you reconsider droppin out of here...and find a way to stay.

God Bless ya, strength and peace.
Wonder

[Lani]

Hi Mercy


My dear sis, may I ask a question?
If you turn the computer off... will it really help?
Are you not, then just left to your own thoughts and feelings?
If source of porn is removed, what will you do when you feel this need again?
You have begun to harm yourself, will this by the substitute?

Is any of this really healthy?
Will this bring healing... Complete Healing in HIM?

Remember when we talked about not dividing yourself?
Sis, in ALL Truth and Honesty I think you NEED to be here.... HERE with God and His awesome Oasis Family.
Gain strength, understanding, encouragement and knowledge through studies and the souls who luv ya here.

Retreating to your room, closed off leaves you to battle the demons alone.... Let us fight with you.

Make NO mistake, I believe wholeheartedly Christ is the center of all Healing and God Is our Healer, but we are given family to encourage our walk and keep our focus.

I pray God sheds LIGHT on this area and shows you the Path He intends.


Peace n Luv in Christ,
Lani

[Mercy7]

Thanks Lani..........I know I can find support here, Im blessed by everyone here and thes ame for everyone else. I just know the fact is the internet is the problem, it feeds into the sin--Anyways, I have to spend more time studying my bible and praying, i know other times I said that and well i just was online ALL day long again and bored as can be, this summer I plan to get out and do things with family. I will try n stop in every now n then ok check messsages n say hi. But can't spend hrs here anymore. I so wish there was a delete button to memory but ya there isnt. I am reading victory in the Darkness by Neil T anderson and I pray that the scriptures n words will help. I thank you all for being here for me and everyone to talk to, means a great deal. Lani

[Mercy7]

Welp, so far doing well.....I contantly remind myself of how wrong it is and how it makes Jesus feel about this addiction and instead of doing this I think that I gotta have a relationship with Jesus to fill me up instead. I haven't look at any porn in a while, sometimes i want to do the r self pleasure and i remember I hurt myself last time so that also keeps me from doing it, cause I had a lot of pain in my kidneyss and bladder and such, anyways, Just wanted to say how i was doing.

[smileyj]

hey Mercy...you know...its not the computer, its the addiciton. If you shut off the computer your flesh will just find another way. hook up with Jesus, or get a good filter that will help keep that at bay, but will still let you come in here and chat!

smiley