Christianity Oasis Forum

[josinella]

The Battle for Middle Earth Continues: This World or His World, a Personal Account

Again, for those in search of the Truth and feel that you are losing the struggle, I offer my personal account to hopefully bring you closer to Him. I got off my daily devotion, trying to stay current with a very labor intensive class that I am taking for the second time. Once again, I find myself three papers behind and mentally frozen

[mlg]

Welcome home my precious sister...I have missed you.

Thank you for sharing today...I pray that if there is anyone who doesn't know the Hope that comes from the Lord...that they may read your shared words and see that there is always a new beginning awaiting us each time we stumble in our walk here in this world....God picks us up, dusts us off, and puts us back on the path...despite how many times it takes...He is there.

Praying for you sis

luv ya

[josinella]

Thanks!

I posted this because we lost a youth here, only 22yo. Shot himself in the head. I am friends of the parents and this was a shock to us all. They are taking it bravely, better than I would. But if there had been something that I could have said or done to prevent this, I certainly would have. This is why my post: a process of understanding how God works when we most need Him.

[mlg]

Oh Josinella I'm so sorry to hear this sis. I lost a cousin to suicide a few years ago. He was a preacher...but was so distraught with life that instead of leaning on God, who he preached so much about...he took things into his own hands...so I know how you feel.

sis...God is still on His throne.

luv ya bunches

[deetu]

josinella, would it make sense to you if I say that I felt your faith growing as you were progressing with your post
So glad you are back and letting the stresses go.

[josinella]

I'm glad to hear from all of you! I have missed being online with you but school work has kept me very busy and away from my devotion. I am finding that devotion should always come first.

[mlg]

I totally agree...I have found that if I find time for God, He will help me find time to do all the other things I need to do

Glad you are back...you have been missed.

luv ya

[josinella]

And the war continues:

Sometimes my purpose seems clear and when it does I feel unsure. I am not up on all the different denominations but I do know that in our church there are those that are on extremes ranging from the very spiritual worshipper to the very cerebral worshipper with a blend of those in between. The new pastor, inexperienced, seems to be too cerebral for me to the point that I sense that he questions my faith. He is being strongly influenced by a deacon of the church who is so lawful that he seems to exalt himself & family above the rest of us. It is difficult for me to like these two because they seem very unaccepting.

I let it slip that my boyfriend (now fiancee) and I are buying a house. We do plan on getting married this year after I resolve some financial issues that I don't want to creep into this marriage. My fiancee has been coming to the church for a couple of months, long enough to give the minister & deacon a chance to get to know him a little. We are buying the house now to take advantage of the tax credit (purchase by April 30).

I let it slip that we would be living together before marriage. The deacon called me to meet with him and the minister to discuss this. What I heard was what a bad example I was for my kids and that I would fall out of God's plan and not receive His blessings. When I spoke about His spiritual presence in our relationship, he said that I was letting my emotions get the best of me. I sat and listened in disbelief. Why? Because my boyfriend is a believer. Both of us have been married 3X's and recognize that we married just because they were there. Both of us have spent the last 5yrs getting closer to Him. We both are very clear on understanding the failures of our previoius relationships and it was Him that turned us both around.

Our relationship is very different: we believe and talk about God and His presence in our lives daily. I feel that my fiancee is a blessing in that he demonstrates a Godly love, as defined in the Bible, I feel spiritually connected to him with God as center. I love him very much and feel that I can submit to him in the way that the bible describes. I couldn't do it before (very strong-willed/independent). We pray, we witness to each other, we read together. I have never had this experience with a man. The deacon threw at me the story of the "Woman at the Well" and basically damned me to hell. I have read John 4 several times today and I don't get the message that he got. In fact I got something very different. This gets back to my first point. Johns 4:24 " God is a Spirit, and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth."

There is no damnation in this, He is telling us what we need to do. We must do both, not just the law (truth) but also the spirit (presence of Him). I feel that where marriages go awry today is we are into the law but the spirit is not aligned due to the hidden (agendas that are not about a God-filled relationship). I realize that if we live together prior to marriage, we are not in accordance to the law. But I do not feel (spiritually) outside of God's realm. We are doing what is needed to be done to satisfy the law prior to marriage.

My second point is this: I am tired of the cerebral, I'm scared to have an emotional moment for God, people discounting my spiritual connections with Christ. It is these feelings that make me happy and have freedom in Him. There are different from the "I gotta have it, id wants". They are grounded in scripture, they are real and is something that God wants us to enjoy with Him, how we experience Him. I don't get how people can cut themselves off from this. I respect them for being this way but I would appreciate that they not criticize me for "feeling" Him.

My discernment about this situation is that my minister/deacon disprove of my fiancee (inter-racial relationship). Neither have had much conversation with him. It seems that they are trying to change things at the church that takes away from spiritual expressions. I think it is discomforting for them. I pray that the minister reaches a higher spiritual awareness. I would like not to be the one to get him there though.

[josinella]

The "Til Death to us Part" study answered all my questions. I feel God's will in this man and it is mutual. His presence is real our union is not, or will not be man-made as it was before. My previous marriages failed because I was trying to escape lonliness and it wasn't until I fully gave these feelings to God, that He and only He blessed me. The condemnation I feel is man-made. Romans 8:38 is liberating.

The real question, how do I deal with these men?

[mlg]

Josinella sis, I'm so very sorry to hear that these people are condemning you. You know sis...sometimes people get so blinded by religion and forget the Christian...but Jesus judges the heart...marriage between man and woman is seen in the heart by God...not by a piece of paper signed after a religious marriage ceremony...God loves both of you...and He knows both of your hearts.

How do you deal with these people who are condemning you? With love...see they are very caught up in their own "ideas" instead of looking through the eyes of Christ....first...did you know that Moses married an Ethiopian lady? Caused a stir with his sister Miriam at the time too..but the marriage was God's will...therefore Miriam was punished for her actions by God.

Also prayer...lots of prayer for these people...that God will open their eyes to the Truth...heart before man made ceremonies.

Praying for you sis. Follow God...Please Him always..not man.

luv ya bunches

[josinella]

This is a battle that I don't feel ready to fight. But to deny the Holy Spirit is also wrong. I don't feel wrong in Him. It is all about His timing and I am (we are) following Him. I don't sense a positive Spirit in this preacher even before all of this. I never really hear him speak personally about the Holy Spirit. And the deacon admitted one Sunday having trouble getting personal in his relationship with God. I don't, and I feel they are intimidated by me. But I will not blaspheme the Holy Spirit either. 43% of all marriages end in divorce and I'm sure each minister that wed these people felt they were blessed. I will allow the Holy Spirit to direct in the path, and the timing of His direction. I will devote prayer time each day for Him. None of us are outside the realm of His will. And the only unforgivable sin is to blaspheme the Holy Spirit. King David is a testament of God's forgiveness.

[mlg]

You said it sis...and you are right...the God we serve is a forgiving God and He loves us. I'm glad you are hearing the Holy Spirit sis...this will keep you from going in the wrong direction...knowing His way is perfect and that He has the plan that is best for you.

I will continue to pray for you and this situation as well. God's will be done.

luv ya