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So much Grace , not enough time to share
by vahn » Wed Apr 29, 2009 8:28 pm
Today was "supposed" to be my day off , and at this moment I'm not saying that in a "whining" manner , though earlier at more than one occasion I found myself griping about it .
Had a lot to reflect on even though I didnt realize it until making it an effort to do so , and one thing led to another till finally I found myself being overwhelmed by my own thinking , remedy ? Take a stroll . While walking by the bay I realized how much of "life" I had been missing while I was going everywhere driving . I mean I get to see people and things in slo-mo.
Anyway , along the way I ran into some drunks , and street people and the more I saw the more my heavier my heart felt . Then I "woke" up ! Its my AA anniversary month next month , and every year for the past 10 yrs (minus 1) around this time , at my sponsor's suggestion 10 years ago , I was to go to my old haunts "just to remember when" , and I'd been doing that religously ever since , I'd go down to the park where without me knowing ,I took my what would be last drink , after crying out to the God of then my missundersting , to "Either take my life or do SOMETHING!! " . Well, He did both !! He took my old life and gave me a new one . In order to keep it that way I have to give it back to the next suffering soul I "chance" to meet . Buuut , I could never under stand why ? All I know is that I try my best to do so and it works and gave it no more thought .
Today was different , I "found" the answer to why God Graced me with His gift of sobriety that ultimately led me to establish an intimate relationship with Him.
See I always thought I received the Grace 'cause I was "special" or something , or that He didnt have anything else to do , and that it was His nature to be generous.
Today , as I passed the the last drunk , I just got tired of feeling sad , and heavy-hearted , I yanked a 10 dollar bill from my pocket and I asked the guy " How much booze will this buy you ? " to my surprize he said " vahn why do you want to do that ?" (told me he knew my name from AA) , so I yank another 10 and said "twenty minutes of your time , that's a dollar a minute , when was the last time you worked for sixty bucks an hour ? "
Took him to meeting (which by the way I havent been to one a long while myself) after he agreed to go to detox unit and while he was being admitted I called a half way house for a bed , and he agered to go for a screening after discharge .
I left the hospital 45 mins ago , it is now 9:19 pm , I met him at 8 this morning .
God just got tired of being hurt everytime he saw me in that miserable state I was in , that's why he Graced with His gift , not because I "deserved" it .
The best I can do today , is not hurt Him anymore by first staying sober , and help another soul that's causing God to hurt , and coming here to share that with you all .
Had a lot to reflect on even though I didnt realize it until making it an effort to do so , and one thing led to another till finally I found myself being overwhelmed by my own thinking , remedy ? Take a stroll . While walking by the bay I realized how much of "life" I had been missing while I was going everywhere driving . I mean I get to see people and things in slo-mo.
Anyway , along the way I ran into some drunks , and street people and the more I saw the more my heavier my heart felt . Then I "woke" up ! Its my AA anniversary month next month , and every year for the past 10 yrs (minus 1) around this time , at my sponsor's suggestion 10 years ago , I was to go to my old haunts "just to remember when" , and I'd been doing that religously ever since , I'd go down to the park where without me knowing ,I took my what would be last drink , after crying out to the God of then my missundersting , to "Either take my life or do SOMETHING!! " . Well, He did both !! He took my old life and gave me a new one . In order to keep it that way I have to give it back to the next suffering soul I "chance" to meet . Buuut , I could never under stand why ? All I know is that I try my best to do so and it works and gave it no more thought .
Today was different , I "found" the answer to why God Graced me with His gift of sobriety that ultimately led me to establish an intimate relationship with Him.
See I always thought I received the Grace 'cause I was "special" or something , or that He didnt have anything else to do , and that it was His nature to be generous.
Today , as I passed the the last drunk , I just got tired of feeling sad , and heavy-hearted , I yanked a 10 dollar bill from my pocket and I asked the guy " How much booze will this buy you ? " to my surprize he said " vahn why do you want to do that ?" (told me he knew my name from AA) , so I yank another 10 and said "twenty minutes of your time , that's a dollar a minute , when was the last time you worked for sixty bucks an hour ? "
Took him to meeting (which by the way I havent been to one a long while myself) after he agreed to go to detox unit and while he was being admitted I called a half way house for a bed , and he agered to go for a screening after discharge .
I left the hospital 45 mins ago , it is now 9:19 pm , I met him at 8 this morning .
God just got tired of being hurt everytime he saw me in that miserable state I was in , that's why he Graced with His gift , not because I "deserved" it .
The best I can do today , is not hurt Him anymore by first staying sober , and help another soul that's causing God to hurt , and coming here to share that with you all .
-
vahn 
- Posts: 809
- Location: Earth (STILL !!)
by mlg » Wed Apr 29, 2009 8:39 pm
Vahn that is awesome, you sacrificed your own personal wants for someone else's needs. God is smiling on you my friend. That is what this is about...we are called...and we have to put aside our own weights for the race He has called us to run.
Proud of ya my friend.
luv ya
Proud of ya my friend.
luv ya
-
mlg 
- Posts: 4428
- Marital Status: Not Interested
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