Christianity Oasis Forum

[LaurieB]

I am an overweight woman in her twenties who just started dating last week and it's been awesome. I've had the time of my life with this guy.

I have lived a pure life in accordance with my Christian faith and I am still doing so.

I did something very wrong to get this relationship started.

We had been talking for about three months since we were working together and we had a nice friendship. He never pressed in further though. I was tired of being a friend so I did something.

I always dressed modestly just like I was taught to do growing up. I did something slightly different the week he first asked me out though. I bought some new clothes that were still very modest, but it was easy to unbutton a button or unzip a zipper, pose very immodestly and quickly button or zip up. I started doing this in front of him (and only him) which made him lust after me. After a day of this he was staring at me all the time with his mouth open. The next day he asked me if I wanted to go out for coffee. I rationalized my behavior by saying I was still "dressing modestly." (Really)

He has not made any moves on me of a sexual nature when we've been out and on our dates we mostly talk about the same things we did at work. It has been great. However, I still feel very guilty about what I did that week. Should I bring it up with him? should I break it off? Have any other ladies done things like this?

[dema]

I did that once. Worked well. He married me. He thought I was too religious to be interested in that kind of thing. Broke the ice and things went on from there. Women have done that kind of thing through all history. It's fine.

I think perhaps you need something to feel guilty about because some part of you says you aren't allowed to be happy. Is that possible?

You mentioned you are overweight - that could be various things. Are you really overweight - the average weight for a woman in this country is something like 160 lbs. A little over I think. So, are you really much over average? Or is that a self-esteem thing?

If you are really truly overweight, is that a self-esteem thing?

I suspect that you have an issue where you, yourself doesn't deserve this wonderful relationship. If you do feel that way, then it is time to confront why. If you do not confront why, you are likely to sabotage your relationship at some point.

You don't need to feel guilty about feeling good. Has somebody, like a parent or older sibling or teacher or someone at an organization, put you down for feeling good or doing good. Think back. Sometimes it can be the oddest thing.

I'm here if you want to PM me or just answer here.

Hugs.

[mlg]

Hi LaurieB,

Welcome to Christianity Oasis. I am so glad you were led here. So, feeling guilty huh? Well unfortunately men are attracted to looks much more than women are. I'm not sure why God made men to be that way, but it's been proven true many times over. It sounds like you felt the need to get this guy you like to notice YOU and just not the you he works with and what you tried worked. As long as what you did, was done in good taste and in a modestly attractive way, then I don't think you've done anything wrong. If you feel that you may have, just ask God to forgive you of any sins you may have committed unknowingly, and then forgive yourself.

Enjoy your new relationship, and may God's will be done for you.

Come visit again soon.

Take care

[LaurieB]

Thank You ladies for your support

Most responses to inquiries I made about this were condemnations of him for lusting or being "creepy" and that I should dump him ASAP!

There is no doubt I sinned when I put more in front of his eyes than he could handle. I have prayed for forgiveness.

We are moving on.

[Dora]

You are forgiven.

We all struggle with lust.

I don't think you need to dump him.

I really like the responses from Dema and MLG. I hope you take it to heart.

Have you found the Christian Counseling that's available here? If not we'd love to help you get started in it.

Take care. Hope to hear more from you soon.