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Forgiveness. I do struggle with completely letting go and letting God. I have made a lot of poor choices in the past and I have gotten to the place that I feel like I have so altered my own path, that I will never regain what I have lost. I am beyond being able to do some things. So, I am disappointed and angry with myself. There is something inside of me that is afraid to forgive, myself and others, because it says that what I did or what they did was ok. I know that thinking is stinking thinking, but I have to look at it. It is also an identity issue. I know who I am as this guilty, tolerated lost child. I have to completely trust to let go of what I know and trust the Lord with reinventing me or giving me a hard reboot back to who I am supposed to be. Forgiveness does involve a lot of trust. I don't want to let myself or anyone else off the hook - yet, Jesus lets me off the hook. He came into the world, not to condemn it, but to save it. I would have toasted it. I must remember that He has seen the movie of my life that includes every thought and action, and He loves me anyway. He forgives me. He forgives me much. I guess somewhere back in my heart I hear that little girl saying "but no one hears me" and "I am forgotten". It's almost like keeping the record of wrongs is like making sure she is seen and heard. It's like in a book I read recently where a 6 year old in India gets lost on a train and cannot find his way back to his family. He made himself recount details every day because he did not want to forget. He did not want to lose any detail that he knew about his family . I seem to have to remember for that child inside of me - all the details. Some one has to remember her, or no one will remember her. Maybe I started a pattern long ago of never forgetting which, as much as I don't want to say it, means never truly forgiving. I can identify with combinations of the false forgiveness list. I think I am standing on the tip of an iceberg of unforgiveness that spans a lifetime. I feel like I have a little ice pick and I am going to have to pick and pick and pick at this thing until it's no more. Yet, I am excited about this step. I have learned to identify some weeds that looked like harmless plants. I will begin working on this with the Holy Spirit. I feel better already!

Forgiveness is giving to God what was his all along. It is letting go. You don't have the right to punish in a spiritual sense. Forgiveness is letting go of the desire to do so. It is letting go of the anger, the fantasies and the desire to see them punished yourself. Forgiveness frees you. It does nothing to them. Forgiveness can still allow you to press charges in court or to turn in a list of their misdoings at work - but you do it after prayer and with a calm heart.

Forgiveness isn't about them - it is about you. It is trusting God to take care of them in whatever way he sees fit. It means you aren't dwelling on it and telling God what he has to do.

Forgiveness does not condone what was done - it doesn't make it okay. Forgiveness says that you trust God to take care of the past. And you choose to live in the presence - in the love of God.

You said that forgiveness does involve a lot of trust - Amen to that.

That little girl does need to be acknowledged - but in a positive way. What did she want that she did not get? To ride the merry go round - then go ride the merry go round. Did she want a doll house? Then buy yourself a doll house. I had four. I have three still. My grandchildren love them. I was a cherished child - but I never got a doll house. Or a music box. I have four of them too. . Acknowledge the child by giving her what she wanted - not be remembering what she hated.