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I have been a believer for most of my life. Married for almost three years, we have a 10 month old son..... and I have been walking through some postpartum anxiety and depression. God is so good; He is always near. My baby boy is awesome. I don't know how some mothers do it, but even with such a good little boy, I have been working hard to "hold it together" and get through and out from under this cloud. On top of that, I am in constant, desperate prayer for my husband....

He is also a believer, and is struggling with a lot of frustration right now. He is so unsatisfied with our living situation and his income, etc. Long story short, he immigrated to my country so we could be together but the cost of living here is so high, and it took almost a year before he was legal to work..... In a nutshell, he feels responsible for providing and does not believe he has done so to a satisfactory degree. He keeps talking about moving back to his country. He explodes angrily every once in a while and it always seems to come back to the fact that he has lived in big homes with big yards and made more money..... He says we're living "in the ghetto" right now (we are not!). I know his pride has been assaulted. He wants me to have a big kitchen in a beautiful home.... etc. The thing is, it terrifies me to think of up and leaving my network. My mother is here, my best friends are here.... I desperately need that support at this time in my life. I have tried to talk to him about that. It's like he doesn't see me. He doesn't get it.

I am not saying I am unwilling to move away--- maybe some day..... But I want to move from strength to strength, not run around chasing more money and a bigger home. He always clarifies that "it's not about the money", but what is it about then? I told him that dissatisfaction is not going to go away. We can live in a mansion on a country hillside but if we cannot be content and thankful for every blessing from His hand, that is going to follow us wherever we go. I am struggling because truly the cry of my heart says "Whatever it is You want for me, Lord. That is all I need". I long to see my husband's heart surrendered to Jesus. I know I am sure I should be more surrendered as well...... I just really think this constant, frustrated desire to "move back" is not a dream that God has put on his heart.

Anyway, I am sure you get the drift. I could go on. Please just pray. And if the Lord puts anything on your heart to share with me, I am listening. <3

Prayers going up for you dear sister!

I am so sorry to hear. You're husband wants to do what's best for your family and he thinks he should be able to do more. I know it's tough to go through but you can pray that God softens his heart and opens his eyes to the truth. It must be frustrating to try and reason with him when he won't understand or "see" you. As God to show you what you can do.

I don't have any advice but I will be praying in agreement with you for your husband and situation.

Blessing, honor, and truth to you in Christ Jesus' holy name!

Ella

Hello Anna. It's so nice to meet with you. Thank you for sharing your journal with us.

I'd like to focus on your depression if that is ok. I have dealt with postpartum depression. It can be very serious. How are you managing the depression? I still struggle with depression. The unhappiness of those around me cause me to slip into depression. I wonder if your spouses unhappiness also causes you to struggle more with the depression.

Praying for you sister.