A While Since Last Post -
Posted: Wed Sep 18, 2013 1:08 pmI put off writing in the online forum because I stopped studying at about step 11. I had been celibate and clean for 8 years, fell for a Turkish man who was quite kind and sweet and said he was interested in Christianity. I slept with this man in spite of guilty feelings... justifying in many ways that this would turn out well. Something about that brought me in desperation to this site late August.
I received much loving counsel (NO JUDGEMENT... thank you brothers and sisters for that!!!!) but continued with my relationship. This week, after a sense of frustration stemming from issues over the weekend with this man, I fasted and prayed. The very next day he came to my house, but this time... his behavior and interactions became quite clear to me. I am a recovering co-dependent and truly did not want to lose this man's affections. Yet after leaving him a note about my frustrations... he sent a "thanks for everything" text to me and though we told each other we loved one another... it appears he has dropped out of my life. The miracle is.... I do not feel desperate for him. I am sad, and a bit heartbroken, but I AM NOT DESPERATELY DISTRAUGHT which is amazing given my hiatus from love and my history. Anyway... for edification I write this... I am on to step 11... may the Holy Spirit continue to show me truth. I praise GOD for the peace that I feel. I also ask GOD to bless this man... whom I did love and still do. and... I ask GOD to bless those who helped me, prayed for me, and who responded with wisdom and kindness. May His kingdom come!!!!!!!!! His will be done!!!!!
I received much loving counsel (NO JUDGEMENT... thank you brothers and sisters for that!!!!) but continued with my relationship. This week, after a sense of frustration stemming from issues over the weekend with this man, I fasted and prayed. The very next day he came to my house, but this time... his behavior and interactions became quite clear to me. I am a recovering co-dependent and truly did not want to lose this man's affections. Yet after leaving him a note about my frustrations... he sent a "thanks for everything" text to me and though we told each other we loved one another... it appears he has dropped out of my life. The miracle is.... I do not feel desperate for him. I am sad, and a bit heartbroken, but I AM NOT DESPERATELY DISTRAUGHT which is amazing given my hiatus from love and my history. Anyway... for edification I write this... I am on to step 11... may the Holy Spirit continue to show me truth. I praise GOD for the peace that I feel. I also ask GOD to bless this man... whom I did love and still do. and... I ask GOD to bless those who helped me, prayed for me, and who responded with wisdom and kindness. May His kingdom come!!!!!!!!! His will be done!!!!!
Amen and amen!