panic attack, anxiety, uncontrollable nagitive thoughts
Posted: Tue Sep 03, 2013 11:15 am
I have been dealing with panic attacks/ uncontrollable shakiness, anxiety, stress for a long time now. It is ruining my life. It has gotten so bad, I can't even control my thoughts that are full of worry. Sometimes in my panic attacks, I can't even think about anything other than "panic!". Any time I am put on the spot, whether I'm being observed by my boss, being asked about my faith, having a personal meet, talking to specific people, talking about specific things, thinking about preaching the gospel, or even sharing my testimony, I can't seem to do any of it with peace. I don't know what to do or how to get in the habit of having positive thoughts. Its like I think I'm going to fail before I even do. Its really hurting my opportunity in life because I feel called to evangelism but when I even think about evangelizing, I panic. I can't even enjoy the good things in life the way I used to. I used to be so energetic and happy without a worry. Nothing interests me anymore and I feel like a zombie most of the time. I really have a problem with what people think about me and I don't even really know what I think about myself. I have to take some pain killers just to get me through the day, so that my mind doesn't run away from me. I am my own worst enemy and I don't know how I can beat my own thoughts about myself. Even when I want to say something in bible study I get nervous and I get really nervous to even just introduce myself in a big group. I read the bible and ask God to free me from all of this but something inside me can't let go.I have had bad past experiences in life and tend to focus on them. Even when I don't want to or try not to, I focus on the negative thoughts I have and the fails in my past. Like running through them over and over. I hope that I can one day live in peace and have the confidence I always wanted so that I can allow God to work through me without me getting in his way. I want to laugh a real laugh again without worry someday. I want to have the ability to focus on in the time I'm in now and not the future or past. I want to care for people and stop caring about what people think about me. Please pray for me.