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My thoughts foremost is still the same, like everyday, I am heading for another divorce. I promised God and myself I would never go through another divorce. So, why am I here? I found this site, searching for a miracle, a peril that could possibly settle my heart and mind.
Do I want my husband back in my life? Is it him that I miss or just conversation in the evening (evenings and nights are so hard, I don't want to go to bed because I am alone there to)? My mind always thinks of him, wondering if he misses me or if he thinks of me, does he really want a divorce or is he manipulating me, is he happy and at peace? Why can't I have peace with the thought of a divorce? God has been my Comforter and provider, gave me peace about the legal separation. Personal conviction has always been, no divorce.
There has just been too much hurt as this is his third affair. Each affair, we leave the area, selling our home, changing jobs...but not this time, I refused to sell and be uprooted again. My consequence, he just will not stop seeing and talking to this other woman. He leaves, comes back, leaves, (this has been going on for the last 2 years) and now...he files for a divorce! I am miserable, should I have agreed to move out of the area? Logic tells me, "he only brings his problems with him, another town, another woman" and nothing changed.
My children are all scared by this so-called marriage. each one of them carry some sort of resentment towards me and him. They have trust issues within their own lives, (but why wouldn't they, going through each heartache with me). They hold bitterness and are all pleased that I have been served divorce papers.
Then there is my career...over 25 years in my field and the job is being phased out. I began taking classes, this will be my second year. I don't even know if this is a field I really want to be in...I don't know what I want to do. Seems everything I believed in is slipping through my hands like sand. I feel as though I have nothing to look forward to or to even work towards....to old and tired to try and start life over from a beginning. I am supposed to be secure in life, relationship, and heart established, mind at peace, waiting for good things to come from God.
There is so much more to my life and my thoughts. I am an analytical mind, nothings is so simple, and my life certainly has not been that way either.

Oh dear one,
While praying for u I felt God just wanting to hold u in His arms to stroke u and tell you He loves you and doesn't want to hurt you. I feel Him telling you over and over again. "I love you my daughter, I love you my daughter."

My heart aches for the turmoil of torment you are suffering. I can tell you I too have walked through a very similar experience. We tried and tried to keep the marriage together. We both had a strong conviction that divorce was not part of our beliefs but alas it happened. It had to happen, after 21 years. Yes, the toll was felt by all in the family.
I most certainly was in an emotional/spiritual shock like nothing else in my life. But like you I followed my heart and what I thought I was being directed to do. After we were divorced for about 1 1/2 she got cancer and died in six months.
That too was another blow. Not that I wanted her back in any way but my fear and loneliness was only multiplied. Since the separation I had battled with deep loneliness and fear. Now I had added shame for my part of the divorce and feelings of inadequacy about being a father. Don't ask me how but God got me through it. I made some horrible decisions trying to cope w my loneliness and lost my 6 figure income job. I also got prostate cancer along the way. I lost more also. It was an awful time. But I am SO grateful. I know I couldn't be where I'm at today without going through all that. I'm sure He will continue to guide you and give you needed strength.

When the dust settled I know today that God helped me through and I can see now He was transitioning me into a larger meadow on the other side of the valley of death. What helped me the most was finding people who were going thru or had gone through the same thing I was going through. Talking about it helped A LOT ! Sadly to say I got beat up pretty bad by folks in da church. You might ask God for discernment for who u share with. Some of us Christian folk just love to give advice - .

Here's a link to a study about Christian Divorce that I found on this site. Perhaps you will find it helpful.

http://www.christianityoasis.com/Keywor ... ivorce.htm

God Bless You Sister. I am praying for you.

Jamie

Thank you Jamie808 for your words of encouragement, I pray God will reveal to me his path for me.
I have often heard of people who after a divorce endure something horrific in their lives, if not death itself. I know we live by a Just God, we are His children and He cares, no matter what comes our way. I also know what God has done for me in my life and His patience with me - I am a slow learner.
I have seen so many marriages end in divorce, the one usually seeking the divorce believing life will be "better" and they search and search, then in the end they are still alone, never finding "better".
My fear is just that - something horrific will come upon me because I didn't Fear the Lord and keep my Vow of marriage.
I have also felt that God has taken me this far to be a witness and testimony of what a Vow is, to Glorify Him - then the bombshell of the divorce papers hit - now, I have no idea what God has in store for me. I really thought I would always be married, a wife, a partner, a friend.

Hello Asunder

God bless you this day and welcome to Christianity Oasis. I'm glad The Lord led you here.

I am also glad to see that you are reading the 14 Day CCCC Study. It has helped hundreds of souls, myself included, in growing closer to The Lord by teaching us how to apply God's Word to our lives. Jesus is The Word and The Word is Truth and The Truth will set you free. Hallelujah!!! Thank You Jesus \o/ \o/ \o/

Asunder, isn't it so very odd how we humans gravitate to the familiar, as opposed to change, even when the familiar causes us so much pain? Yea, it's one of those thangs. The familiar, even if bad, well...we're used to dealing with it; whereas change is an unknown. As children of God, we must remind ourselves that God knows it all and if we let Him lead us -- knowing that He is right there with us -- it takes the fear out of change, and can actually get excited about what the future will bring.

It's a process, and I'm glad you have taken the first step in the process.

Continue with the CCCC Study, and meditating on the blessed scriptures within each stepping stone. Remember, Jesus loves you!

Prayers are rising to our Lord in the name of Jesus on your behalf. May God's blessed will be done.

God bless and keep you, Asunder.
In Christ Jesus' love,
Sister Mack