Stepping Stone Five
Posted: Mon Aug 19, 2013 2:53 amI am staring to see that I really do need to put the blame of the problems where they go. I blame everyone including myself for what I have been through. Ok, so I am not completely to blame and others are not either. Satan is to blame. Now what to do when he gives me the idea of doing something is up to me. I have a choice. Ok, yea I know I have a choice but I am seeing more and more as I do this study that I REALLY do have a choice. This is really cool to see the way that I have been thinking in contrast to how things really are and how God really does want me better. He wants me to live a full and happy life. Not in fear or doubt or not trusting and jumping at every sound I hear. There is something much much better for me beyond the point I am at now. What is crazy is I am seeing little differences in my thinking too. Its actually pretty neat. So, starting from the top of the lesson I have already mentioned blame. Blame really can go everywhere. No one wants to take responsibility for hurting someone or something so they say its so and so's fault. I know what the original sin is ... That is where sin started in the garden of Eden with Eve then with Adam. Like I have already stated I see that Satan is to blame fully and completely. He set that idea or thought ... the blame... into my mind and I have the choice to what to do next. Normally I would say ok lets just do what I want to do and who cares what is going to happen to anyone else. That usually doesn't get me too far or gets me in trouble one way or another. Some of the other weeds mentioned that pertain to me are anger, mistrust, fear, and even a little hatred. It is interesting that it states that ANY non-Christian program tells us to get in touch with what feelings are there and ACCEPT them. I have never been able to do that. Ok, lets get real... how many of you that have been abused or abandoned or whatever.... can say ok that happened to me.... I accept it. To me that is saying it is ok what the other person did when really its not. God says ok broken_memories I fully know what you have been through and endured. Its hard but I want you to forgive them and yourself and then let it go because you sitting here thinking about it over and over is just hurting you. Give it to me and I wi. ll take care of it. Trust me. Ok, God, what do I have to lose now... nothing. You can have it. So, the conscience, yea I have one. I usually ignore it but what I am reading here is that I should really listen to it because it tells me what good and right choices to make. That's something to remember for sure. Alright, now I need to admit what my problem/s are. I have a lot of them so I'm sure I may be doing this stepping stone study again, so here it goes.... My problems are anger, anxiety, confusion, depression, doubt, drinking, eating issues, faith, falling down, fear, forgiveness, guilt, incest, jealousy, loneliness, prayer problems, self harm, suicide, temptations, sexual promiscuity, willing fully sinning, self hate, self loathing, and I am selfish. Now I said all that. To be honest I don't feel fully selfish in some of those things. I guess it will just take some time to see it all in full view. I know that I have to replace the lies with truth from the word of God. Things like I am not ugly I am precious to Him. These stepping stones have really been helping me drop some walls and realize that things are not as bad as I have come to see them. So what, I have been hurt, BUT what am I going to do now. I will tell you what I really want to do. I want to be free... FULLY FREE. And maybe even one day help others in my situation. 