Stepping Stone Four
Posted: Sun Aug 18, 2013 12:28 amAlright, I have completed the reading today on stepping stone four. Forgive myself like I want others to forgive me and how I want God to forgive me as well. That is one hard pill to swallow. I know for a fact I have alot of things to pray about and give over to God. It's so true how I forgive others but I wont forgive myself. I do have a twisted misconception of how I hold onto my feelings but I am ready to start releasing that to God. I see that as I hold onto these things it is not helping me any. Matter a fact its making things worse. I want to be completely and fully healed and free. I see that guilt is a bad seed and if not taken care of it blossoms and spreads more seeds of guilt and before I know it I have a whole garden full of weeds. I really dont want this. I really like the imagery of me being like a pure little baby. It makes me think that in the eyes of God i am perfect. Nothing about me is wrong. Also, the point of view where God sees us as a child that is forgiven by their parent but still continues to punish themselves.... this breaks my heart. Do I really do this to God? Do I basically show Him that His forgiveness is not enough for me? I see by this illustration that its beyond enough. I know that once forgiven my sin is seen no more. I love that. It no longer exists. God took care of it completely. I dont have to do anything but ACCEPT it. Yep, me ACCEPT it. No strings attached. Once again I see the let go and let God thing... I really like that.The different levels of sin and forgiveness levels. I know about those ... I have been involved in church since I was 6. I guess it really never made much sense to me till actually the last year but I do understand all that stuff. If someone not to listen to you take a friend or two and if that dont work approach the church and all. I will not lie. I have completely catorgized alot of the individuals that have hurt me into places of forgiveness levels. I know that is wrong but it makes sense in a way. Ok, maybe not so because a sin is a sin is a sin. None is greater or less in God's eyes. I have to go and really make a searching effort and forgive those individuals fully. It is interesting how the word forgive broken down basically means forget... dont remember anymore. Like it never happened. If the only way for me to be seen pure and perfect in God's eyes is to forgive the people who hurt me fully then it looks like I have a ton of work to do. I know I have alot of work to do. Yes, I was a victim alot of the time but I know I am not a saint myself. I have hurt others. I have to seek forgiveness too. I dont want God forgiving me to a degree because I wouldnt forgive someone fully ... or I put exceptions on the forgiveness. God didnt do that when he died on the cross for me. Why should I do that to others? I shouldnt. Ok, now my next step is to pray and forgive MYSELF! and others. Yes! myself deserves to be forgiven too. (broken_memories, you are forgivable. You are loved. You are a princess of the Most High. You are worthy.) Alright, God here I come!
