stepping stone #1
Posted: Thu Aug 15, 2013 12:50 amWell, in this stepping stone I see that I am not doing this alone. That God is right here with me. There were many things that stood out to me. To start with, all the scriptures lined up with what was being said. Something that was said over a few different times was the Truth will set you free. I want freedom. I have tried looking for freedom in so many different programs. I think that may be part of my problem... I am looking for the program to heal me not Jesus. WOW! No program can heal me. ... No program can heal me. That is sinking in a little bit. I am going to have to sleep on that and really let that soak in. What I am seeing is that God is wanting me to be comfortable with Him and not be afraid. He is letting me decide how close i want to get and how much I want to talk about and let out. I like the thought of that. No one is forcing me to let anything out. I dont have to worry about being faced with someone to push painful thoughts and memories out of me and then be left sitting here thinking what do I do next to get rid of the feelings I am feeling. Honestly I am timid about this whole idea of faith and that it can move mountians. I was saved at the age of 6. I do not believe ... now... that it is possiable to have that kind of faith. Faith ... I dont know. I do see that my beliefs do need to be changed. The only thing about that is I am not sure where to start. I have so many things to unveil and let go of ... how can 14 days do that. I know that I will have to do many of the studies ... counselling models here and I really hope that I can obtain some healing because I dont know what my next choice will be. So I am scrolling down through the lesson I have just read and it talks about how I have built this castle around me. It is so true. I make a moat and fill it with all this anger and other stuff so no one will get close to me and then I sit up in the tallest window and the people that do see me I try to make them feel sorry for me. Like I deserve to have a huge pity party and let everything revolve around me. That sounds a bit self absorbed. Yep, we imprison our souls sounds about right. If this counselling stepping stone thing is able to help me then that would be wonderful. My life verse used to be Phil. 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. ... well I have let that go completely. Why, because I am not even sure if I still believe in God. If, and I really hope, there is a God, He will help me get through this. So this step also says it doesnt matter how small or big the problem/s are that I am facing there is healing. Ok, if you say there is a way to heal... Im closing my eyes.... tightly... and I am going to try this. What do I have to lose anyways but life itself.
