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Ok so day 1 is to start a journal and just type what's on my mind. Wow i could fill pages with all the poor choices i have made and what got me to here. Truth is I have been trying to live life on My terms and in my way and letting God in only when I chose to.

I do know that i no longer want to be captive to my past, i want to live a rewarding and peace filled life regardless of circumstances. Where i am at materially.... well, i lost my job am close to losing my home, have been using drugs, have lost many family members, have no friends and mainly sit depressed majority of the time.

I used to have a good relationship with God but i never treasured it or nourished it like i should have. I was always focused on what i wanted and didnt take the time to live right. I could place blame in many places but i don't see how this would help. I want peace i want hope i want a good life.

K thats all i got for now

Each day is a new opportunity. God is eternal. Hugs.

ty dema for your kind words and reminders

Ok so seeds, weeds and garden stones. Renewing of mind to help weed. Wow i see sooo many weeds. Areas where i haven't given over to God. I don't wanna be a downer and say my whole life is a mess and filled with weeds but that actually isn't far from the truth. Lots of work to be done and frequently. I think perhaps that has been an issue in the past for me. Like dealing with something but didn't necessarily get the whole root out and then walked away and before i knew it weeds were back only they are kinda like trees (or maybe kudzoo that stuff sure is hard to get rid of) I guess one thing to keep in mind is that i gotta do my part on a regular basis to be in right relationship with God and to have a peace filled heart. I cannot be lackadaisical about it and will require frequent work.

Perhaps some type of daily plan and practice and some type of reminder for when i start feeling out of control a visual reminder or song or verse or something i can bring right up to re center so to speak. I really don't wanna be so ME focused. I need to be GOD focused. I know without HIM this fails and I know i cannot do this on will power alone. It has to come from learning to and depending on God. I have been successful with that in the past for brief periods of time. Haven't quite learned how to do that on an ongoing basis. That also, i think is key

My heart aches for you. praying

God loves you and so do I.

ty Pine hugs back. aww i cant find the smilies... oh well

Ok so stepping stone 3 God's Grace. How comforting it is to know that God loves me and forgives me when i truly repent. Let go and let God! Wow so all those bad feelings and guilty feelings if i am understanding correctly God says I need to let them go. Doesn't mean i continue in bad behavior and bad choices (though i am sure i will continue to make some as we all do) but to think that peace is around the corner, gives me hope that even I weak willed and full of sin can live in the way God would have me to and that He forgives me when i truly ask.

Wow what a freeing up! If God lets me off the hook, why do i hang on so tight to all the stupid things i have done? It's kinda like wiping the slate clean and being given another chance. I pray i do a better job this time in living right and being who God wants me to be.

Dear Hope,
Man ! If u cud read yesterday's post u sent and compare it to the first one u sent out u should be amazied at the progress you and God have made....btw. I think it says somewhere in the bible that HE LOVES THE WEAK ! Imagine that ! HE SAYS WHEN U ARE WEAK THEN I AM STRONG !

I'm so blessed by seeing you grow....keep going !!!

Jamie

ty for the encouragement Jamie

Ok so forgiveness of self and others. Wow that list is long. Much i feel guilty over. Even though i have asked God to forgive me. Perhaps the guilt comes from knowing i should suffer consequences. Some times i have, other times i haven't. Foremost in my mind right now is a direct result of my own poor choices and the potential consequences of those choices. Am i able to forgive myself???? for some things.... other things not yet. So, how do i let myself off the hook?

Forgiving others...... i try not to harbor ill thoughts about people. I do have one particularly trying situation with someone that makes it exceedingly difficult to keep looking the other way. It is quickly becoming more and more of a challenge to forgive. Why???? Because they don't follow through, they don't make any changes in their behaviors and the cycle just repeats.

Don't have many answers for this right now. Think i need to pray and seek righteous ways of interacting. I may have to come back to this one.

Forgiveness is giving to God what was his all along. It isn't your responsibility if people do what's right. It is theirs. And it is God's job to give them consequences - not yours.

However, you have the right and responsibility of not enabling them to continue to damage you. You need to learn how to set limits and draw lines.

Forgiveness is about letting go. You do NOT have to keep relating to people who treat you badly. Remove yourself from the situation if prayer reveals that is what you should do - or probably more accurate - unless prayer tells you otherwise with an extreme sense of peace.

Forgiveness is about letting go. And everything about it is good and positive for you.

Jesus died as a consequence of your sin. You don't have to face the consequences because he did it for you - you may have to face earthly consequences - but the spiritual ones are handled. Accept the free gift. And realize that gift is there for others as well.

Hugs. Glad to see your journey.

ty dema awesome points that i hadn't even considered and in studying your reply i believe it is sound! ty SO much

Been a few days since i looked at this program. I got sick and then started a new job and things got a little hectic. A friend gently reminded me to get back to it

OK so day 5 of the program. Identifying the problem. That one is actually easy as I am the problem. My poor choices, my heart and mind not being in the right place. I do like the emotions bible and plan to read through those one at a time. I am sure many will apply. I see i have to just let go and let God handle me all of me not just parts of me. This, i think will be a process. Not so much that i dont think God can handle it, but giving up that illusion of control. that I am in control. Really God is; i see this but there is also free will that comes into play and many choices i make are very poor and not righteous at all. Much to learn and much to practice. Maybe eventually it will become like second nature at least that is my hope to not always struggle with some of this. I want to let go and let God have me and to change me and make me into who i should be.

I dont want to stay stuck in this mire and continue living a defeated life. So, the thing to do is to give it to God and follow His leading. I see where these are building on each other making a brightly lit path on all the areas i need to give to God that i havent let Him have yet.

Reliquishing control is a life long journey. I'm back on that one for the umpteenth time. There are so many levels of control. We think, "Okay - got it - got the victory." But then God shows us that that was only one thing. And look here. Oh my.

But, it gets better and better. We have so much power to mess up our own lives. As we let go of it, things get better.

Hugs.

Hello dear sister and friend.

After reading and praying just a few words came to mind and I believe I will remind you of these from time to time.

Those few words are....

Don't get distracted.

Do not focus on what you don't want to do, focus on Him.
Do not focus on what may happen, focus on Him.
Do not focus on what did happen, focus on Him.
Do not even focus on what you want to do, focus on Him.

And then.....

Don't get distracted.

Love you bunches.

Pine ty sister
Things have been hectic I am trying to be grateful and I am going to try to set me a goal to come in at least three times a week and work on a study or something.

I remember how things were a few years back and while i cannot turn back time, I CAN start over walking with Him. So, thats my plan

And i want a name change... i think to Hope... or maybe Hippie Hope idk i sent phan an email

I wanna start a study with a fresh name and a fresh outlook and renew my heart and mind this site has much to offer.
GBU all