Christianity Oasis Member Forum & Chat Room

I tend to have a defeatist attitude. My past often comes back to me in one form or another and what is said that the greatest battlefield is in the mind is true. That's what my thought life is like. I banish certain thoughts and they come back ten times worse at times. There are times they come back at the worst and most unfortunate times. How can I forgive myself and those who hurt me as a child? I have expressed interest but I have no idea how to do it. Just yesterday was the 14th anniversary of my stepfather dying. He was an alcoholic and suffered seizures after quitting. He was on medication but it couldn't help. I remember hearing a sound like a gurgle, then my name being called to help. I helped move him on the floor so the paramedics could work on him. I stood on the porch with my little sisters (his daughters with my mom) being there for them and not for him. I told my mom to call if anything happened. Around 2 or so in the morning, she calls and says "He's gone". Hung up and continued playing "Phantasy Star 2" on my Sega Genesis. I didn't even attend the funeral. Why would I? After what he did to me, is that justified? I hate two days on FB. One is the day he died and his birthday. My sisters post pics of him on there. The best I can do is untag myself from any of them with him and me in them. I am so lost. And I've been a Christian since around age 7 or so. Any advice? Thank you, Wonder

The pain buried in you heart is so burdensome. It must leave a feeling of lostness. That is not how God intended for your life to be. Not at all. This person who hurt you was sick...ill...needed lots of help. No excuses for him but perhaps it makes you feel a tiny bit better to hear that.

If facebook is not healthy for your mental being then don't go on it or delete it.

The way you responded by supporting the wife and daughters was Holy. You stood beside them at a very scary time. A time that must of left lasting imprints on their minds. Probably it has done the same for you.

There is hope. There is healing. If you continue to seek the ability to forgive God will grant it to you. It's not in us as humans to forgive such a horrid thing. Yet God can bring it to pass as He has requested it of us and so He will provide the way for us. God will not ask something of you that you are not capable of doing. He will make a way.

I too was hurt as a child by an adult. If I study on thoughts of him I begin to hate him with a burning passion. So I don't allow myself to think about him much. I trust God will tend to him how ever He feels righteous. I suggest you don't spend much time thinking about him and just ask for forgiveness when the anger begins to grow inside. Then ACCEPT forgiveness. That's the important part. In my opinion and experience with our gracious, loving, understanding God.