Christianity Oasis Member Forum & Chat Room

I have suffered from depression, anxiety, and panic attacks for 30 years. After 15 years of dealing with it, I finally found something that helped and was doing okay until about a year ago. Now it is back and worse than ever before and nothing seems to help. Sometimes it just overwhelms me. When you go to the doctor and they ask about pain levels for physical pain 1 to 10, but no one asks that for emotions. Do they know what it feels like to be at a 10 for emotional pain and what happens when sometimes it starts pushing beyond the 10. That's when it really gets scary. When emotional pain goes beyond what I feel like I can handle. It makes it even worse, because I know there is no reason for the pain. I could understand if I lost a loved one or something, but there is nothing that I should hurt this way about. Maybe it's just the loneliness of wanting a mate and not finding one or being without a full time job. I know that is part of it, but sometimes I feel this way when there is nothing going on in my life to cause it. It hurts so bad that I lay my face in the pillow and scream or have to get in my car and drive so no one hears me because I cry so hard. It's excruciating sometimes. I have always believed in God and he has been my best friend for as long as I can remember, even as a child. He's the only reason I made it though all those years before when I couldn't find help. I depended on him and he held me through the darkness. He is the most important thing to me, but sometimes I struggle with why he lets me hurt this much. I know that trials make us stronger. I was stronger after all the years of depression previously, but now, this time, I don't feel like I'm getting stronger. I only feel lonely and hurt and like he doesn't care for me, because he is letting me hurt this much. I know he is more than capable of healing me and I have asked so many times and I have complete faith in what he can do. The problem is what does he want to do. Does he want me to be better or is this to strengthen me? Am I being refined in the fire? Sometimes I feel like he forgot to get me out of the fire and that I've turned into ashes. :-)I will take this two week path and pray that God uses it to give me peace from this torment. Pray for me please.

KK,

Welcome to the Oasis. Life sure feels like a lonely walk sometimes....Everything seems to be spiarling around you and you have no control over the emotions that possess your spirit. It is in these times one needs to seek God more diligently. See you have an enemy...who will do anything to take you away from the presence of God...and throwing you into a pit of depression is one of those tools the enemy uses. This is why you have to dig your feet in and grab hold of the hand that can lift you out of that pit....Jesus's hand. Once you grab that hand...don't let go...and begin laying all your burdens on Him....and this pain that is overwhelming you...is something to hand to Jesus. He can take your pain and turn it into joy...a joy like no other...all you have to do is seek it...and seeking it you are...by taking this first step on the counseling path to healing. May the presence of the Lord surround you through your journey.

Praying for you.

Take care

Thank you.