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Today I did stepping stone 12. And I should have done it yesterday....!

But oh how God spoke to me through this step....Yesterday, I was in the pit of self pity. I had a conversation with my husband that left me shamed and feeling guilty about my past sin. And even though I knew that he was condemning me, I let him do it because I let it get to me.

I found myself depressed yesterday and I stayed that way all day, even though I asked God for comfort, I did not find it. I think it was because I was wallowing in my guilt. And I am already depressed about the divorce and the state of my relationship with my husband so it was sooooo easy for satan to just swoop in like that.

I have rebuked satan and I am delighted in the study....wishing of course that I had done it when I was supposed to. God knows what He is doing and I wen't out of His will yesterday by not doing my step....that is why I was so tormented. I even blogged about my torment....but I am so glad for His grace and His mercy.

Today, I have been sad still but I know that is going to happen during my divorce. I have been praying A LOT and asking the Holy Spirit to fill me with knowledge of God's will and to be with me. I am doing so much better than I ever have. So I know God is with me.

I love Him so much. And I am praying that His will be done in my life...I have asked Him to break my husband's heart for Himself and give my husband a desire to seek Him.....I believe that is always in God's will that someone seek Him. But I have also asked that the Holy Spirit intercede on my behalf to change my husbands heart completely and bring Him to God's grace, because I believe that if that happened, my husband would repent, and do what is right in God's eyes for our marriage. And if it is not in God's will to do that, then I will still trust in Him and still praise Him...because He is God and I may not understand why some things are permitted but in the end I do wholeheartedly trust in Him....I will be OK....no matter how hard this is, no matter how much it hurts, my trust really is with God.

I am grateful for today's lesson and all God is showing me since I started the path...Praise God!

Most times , when I found myself in a situation of "My prayers aren't being answered" ... or , "I am willing for this to go away , but why is it that I am still tormented by it ? " so on and so forth , some one told me that the reason "might" be that , though I do want the situation to change , I do want God to show me relief , I do want the acceptance that it is in His best interest that things happen the way they do , but , there is ONE ingredient missing in this recipe ... Letting go .

Let's say you have something in your hands , that mean alot , that you are putting way too much importance on the them , to the point where other areas are being effected as well , causing , of course , more discomfort , NOT , necessarily because of what you're holding , but rather the negligence of other duties because of holding on too tight .
After much prayer for help , someone says , here , I have something much better than what you're asking , would you like to have it ? ... and no sooner than you say yes , they toss that something better for you to catch .


In Christ , our Lord
vahn

God has heard the cries of your heart and is answering you. Be patient as He works things out. He loves you!!!