Stepping Stone #2
Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2012 9:59 pmToday, I read through Stepping Stone 2, Renew Your Mind and Who I Am. I am very blessed by all that I have read and I made my charts as well. I also have read the 3 responses to my first Stepping Stone Journal entry. And I have to say I am truly blessed by those responses as well.
Today, I realized that I can learn to control my thoughts and therefore my actions, by concentrating on God and His Word and will for my life.
I won't by any means say I am totally and suddenly cured but WoW! What a difference I feel in my heart already. I smiled and laughed for the first time in a long time and it was so good to be able to share that with a dear friend on the phone as well. She could hear the smile in my voice as I told her of what I was reading and learning in the steps.
I am very excited about this and I haven't been excited about anything in so long, it is rather foreign to me...but I am just bubbling with anticipation and excitement for the Lord's work in my life.
I look forward to the journey right now, instead of dreading tomorrow, I am eager for it to be here. That is a miracle already!
I had accepted the Lord and was water baptized many years ago, but along the way, I lived for myself and my family. Not realizing that I was relying on myself and not God much of the time. And I am anxious now, to learn to rely fully on Him and the healing He alone can bring me.
I have done some shameful things in my life. Many things that I dread admitting. And recently, I have done some things to "get even" so to speak at my husband for hurting me so badly. I have felt the Lord leading me to right a particular instance and I am going to be obedient to that calling tonight.
By way of confession I will say that, while everyday, he withholds money and basic necessities from me, I got very angry this past weekend and at the culmination of my anger, I lashed out. I yelled at him and shoved him, I threw some things from the pantry on the kitchen floor and then I, having his credit card number stored in the computer from a long time ago, I charged $50 to the card. He was very angry about it and that was my goal at the time.
I realize today that that was wrong and though I cannot approach him to apologize, because he is abusive and it would not be safe for me to do so, I am writing him a note, and I have a check someone gave me for almost exactly that amount, I think the Lord would have me sign that over to him.
I have lived for many years in a state of chaos in my home. My kids are explosive and angry just like my husband and I have been. A lot of pain and hurt have built up and put walls up between each of us and our hearts. I do not know how to bridge the gap exactly but I do know that I can begin by surrendering myself back to God and living His will in my life.
It may not be accepted by my family but I know it will be accepted by God.
I ask His forgiveness for my hard heartedness and for giving in to the carnal side of myself in rage and anger. I honestly feel a peace tonight, despite this mess, that I haven't felt in years.
Thank you again to the kind friends who responded to my journal. And to RainaSkye who last night, shared with me, a lovely poem she had written. My heart is truly blessed by all of you.
May the Lord continue to keep you all as you journey through the Stepping Stones and God Bless you for reaching out to me.
I really feel so richly blessed already and its only day 2.
Today, I realized that I can learn to control my thoughts and therefore my actions, by concentrating on God and His Word and will for my life.
I won't by any means say I am totally and suddenly cured but WoW! What a difference I feel in my heart already. I smiled and laughed for the first time in a long time and it was so good to be able to share that with a dear friend on the phone as well. She could hear the smile in my voice as I told her of what I was reading and learning in the steps.
I am very excited about this and I haven't been excited about anything in so long, it is rather foreign to me...but I am just bubbling with anticipation and excitement for the Lord's work in my life.
I look forward to the journey right now, instead of dreading tomorrow, I am eager for it to be here. That is a miracle already!
I had accepted the Lord and was water baptized many years ago, but along the way, I lived for myself and my family. Not realizing that I was relying on myself and not God much of the time. And I am anxious now, to learn to rely fully on Him and the healing He alone can bring me.
I have done some shameful things in my life. Many things that I dread admitting. And recently, I have done some things to "get even" so to speak at my husband for hurting me so badly. I have felt the Lord leading me to right a particular instance and I am going to be obedient to that calling tonight.
By way of confession I will say that, while everyday, he withholds money and basic necessities from me, I got very angry this past weekend and at the culmination of my anger, I lashed out. I yelled at him and shoved him, I threw some things from the pantry on the kitchen floor and then I, having his credit card number stored in the computer from a long time ago, I charged $50 to the card. He was very angry about it and that was my goal at the time.
I realize today that that was wrong and though I cannot approach him to apologize, because he is abusive and it would not be safe for me to do so, I am writing him a note, and I have a check someone gave me for almost exactly that amount, I think the Lord would have me sign that over to him.
I have lived for many years in a state of chaos in my home. My kids are explosive and angry just like my husband and I have been. A lot of pain and hurt have built up and put walls up between each of us and our hearts. I do not know how to bridge the gap exactly but I do know that I can begin by surrendering myself back to God and living His will in my life.
It may not be accepted by my family but I know it will be accepted by God.
I ask His forgiveness for my hard heartedness and for giving in to the carnal side of myself in rage and anger. I honestly feel a peace tonight, despite this mess, that I haven't felt in years.
Thank you again to the kind friends who responded to my journal. And to RainaSkye who last night, shared with me, a lovely poem she had written. My heart is truly blessed by all of you.
May the Lord continue to keep you all as you journey through the Stepping Stones and God Bless you for reaching out to me.
I really feel so richly blessed already and its only day 2.