Christianity Oasis Member Forum & Chat Room

OK, here we go....There are many things on my mind today...

My divorce. My husband. My kids. My life.

To start with, I have filed for divorce over a month ago after 25 yrs and a lot of abuse. The abuse has warped my kids, and my life. It has made me angry and in that anger I have lashed out. Lashed out at my husband and my kids.

My husband still lives at home, refuses to leave. But to punish me, he took away my car...had it repossessed and is now offering it to one of our kids. He has made it so I cannot find a job. Because without a car, I can get nowhere. He won't even take me to the store. He wouldn't take me to a pre-scheduled surgery or pay any of the bills for my illness of the past 2 years. He always threatened me, to leave, not pay the household bills, he buys little to no food or necessities for the house. And convinces the kids I deserve it, that I am lazy, and don't work or contribute and I am a bad mom.

Its been like this for years and the only difference now is I filed for divorce so it has escalated.

We are poison to each other. And though i feel like I have taken the brunt of things, I have reacted badly to it and caused many an argument.

I feel disconnected from life and from God. I feel alone and trapped. I feel scared and abused. I am deeply depressed and my oldest sons and daughter have sided with their father because they believe I deserve it. I have argued to make my point of view heard and they tell me it is my fault and I brought it on myself. None of them even really talk to me unless I force them to by insinuating myself into their world.

I am exhausted by all of this. And I have no money and nowhere to go. I paid all I had left to an attorney who has told me that I cannot leave my house or I will lose it in court.

But what good is the house to me if I am pushed so far over the edge, I lose myself and my sanity? What good am I to anyone including myself when I sit here day after day with nothing and no one and start to think I am better off dead?

So that is what is on my mind tonight.

I just went through a divorce myself and it's definitely not an easy thing to go through with or without children. I sympathize with you on so many levels, but you are never alone! You will ALWAYS have GOD!

Let me first start by saying that I'm doing the CCCC Journal along with you and I'm currently on day five, but I've found out so much about myself. You are more than welcome to read my posts.

The first thing I thought of when I was reading your post was Matthew 5:44, "But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;."

Ever heard of kindness kills? Well, the best advice I can offer is Smile, Pray & Always Count Your Blessings.

Every time that life seems unbearable and my whole life turns into why and what if's I try to remember what Jesus went through on the cross. He was double-crossed, humiliated, tortured and killed. Then after thinking about what all he had to endure I realize my situation must look like a piece of cake compared to that.

You can't make someone see your side or even change their minds about something, but you can pray for them and your situation. Stay strong, remember you are never alone & smile.

Find Jesus & You will find everything!
~Ellie

Hi donlaw
I am happy that you have found this site, it will help you to get through the tough spot that you find yourself in.
I pray that the Lord will comfort you and guide you through this trial. I too needed to leave my husband of 22 years, we also had a house, kids etc...........
I will say this...You cannot worry yourself sick about the monetary value of things such as a house etc... I know it is difficult to give up these things, or loose these things...and even loose the respect of your kids.
But you need to remember that your first priority at the moment is to take care of yourself, because without this, you are no good to anyone else anyway.
I ask you to pray about possibly moving in with a trusted relative or friend for a while, so that you can gather yourself, and your thoughts together. This may allow for you the "alone " time that you need to clear your heart and mind, and to focus on the Lord. Seek Him first, and all of these things will be added to you.....
May the Lord bless you
Sheila

You Are in for a treat by starting this 14 day stepping stone..I have just finished day 13 and I can tell you right now that as long as you Follow the steps..and even if you feel like giving up..I promise if you keep going no matter how frustrated you get.. you will find exactly what you are looking for..Jesus has an awesome journey planned for you..and you just took step #1...Congrats..Keep it up because...WOW..Words cant even describe how your life is about to change

Keep in Mind that Trials and Tribulations happen to people God has chosen..If you are already a part of the world..then the devil doesn't mess with you because you are not a threat to him..He already has you..So be thankful that you are going through this..I know that isn't something you are ready to hear..But it will make sense later down the road

Feel free to read my Journal entries and follow my story for the last 13 days...It is all REAL and can happen to you..as long as you accept everything and apply it to your life not just your situation..GOD WILL FREE YOU JUST LIKE HE DID ME...I know how it is to feel so lost and depressed that you cant even pray because you are so lost and confused..Been There..Done That..NOT Going back...you are about to take steps that will absolutely amaze you..Last Night as I was laying in bed..The Holy Spirit actually made me giggle because I could Literally feel him in me and the Comforting feeling is just so amazing

You Just Have to Remember to APPLY ALL THE STEPS AND YOU CANNOT FAIL AT THIS..STUMBLE..YES..FAIL...NO WAY..I actually made notes on points that I felt in my spirit that GOD was really pressing for me to learn to help me along in times of despair and depression

My Best advice to you...DON'T LISTEN TO NON-BELIEVING FRIENDS..THEY WILL TELL YOU WHAT THE WORLD WOULD HAVE YOU DO..AND IT WILL JUST MAKE EVERYTHING WORSE...NOT WHAT THE HEAVENLY FATHER WANTS TO DO..God has an amazing plan for each of our lives and everyday you are going to learn more and more about the Love that has ALWAYS BEEN THERE IN OUR HEAVENLY FATHER..WE JUST FORGOT IT WAS THERE..He will bless you beyond your wildest imaginations

keep in mind that you are going through all of this because GOD needs you to be broken so you will lean on him totally..Ironically Today's Stepping stone is to reach out and help someone today..I by chance decided to read your post..Normally I come on here to write in my journal and jet..I actually thought that me helping another friend to comfort her going through a rough time today was that opportunity from God..But I feel now that I am being used several times today..PRAISE THE LORD

You Are More then welcome to message me anytime..If you need help or any kind of inspiration of any kind..You don't have to go through this alone..and this Community as you will find out..Is a true blessing

And as far as the house goes...Just Wait...You Wont care about any of it by the end..You will lose all desire for materialistic things and you will see how quickly everything loses value that doesn't Glorify God..GOD BLESS YOU and my prayers are with you