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A couple of things I didn’t mention are that I’m also overly sensitive & naïve. Those coupled with my anger have gotten me into A LOT of trouble in my life (especially in grade school). Some of the anger I had was directed at God for making me that way. Later in life I learned to bury my feelings in drugs & alcohol which led to self-loathing & depression. But I don’t blame God anymore; I blame myself for being weak & not trusting in God. I’m really disgusted with some of the things I’ve done in my life & I know that God forgives me, I just have trouble forgiving myself & NOT doing those things (as Paul said in Romans). How did he overcome? I’m also revolted by & find vile much of what is going on in the world today. I would really love to be able to COMPLETELY give myself over to God & TOTALLY allow His Holy Spirit to work in & thru me so other can see the truth!

Hello John Brother
Welcome to Oasis.

I feel for your. I hear your pain.

I also hear a very strong desire to do what is right. THAT brings a smile to Gods face, I am certain.

What come to mind when reading your post is Gods grace was sufficient for Paul and it is sufficient for you. In your weakness He is made strong.

Keep seeking Him, keep getting back up when you fall. Replace the guilt with rejoicing that God is gracious to forgive.

Thank you. I know most men wouldn't admit it but whenever I read about when Jesus was hanging on the cross & He forgave one of the thieves’ & told him he would be with Christ in paradise, it brings a tear to my eye. I'm very emotional & that's something I'm coming to terms with. GOD IS GREAT!

Hey John
Glad to hear from you, you said

it brings a tear to my eye. I'm very emotional & that's something I'm coming to terms with.

I must tell you please know you need not worry about being this way unless like me you are overly sensetive like me, i think mine is from depression and it cause me to be that way, have you ever watched the passion of Christ....wow!!!
I cried like a baby BUT that is warranted but I also cry at some things I shouldn't.
But please know you should NOT try to hide this and be "macho".....be yourself.
It is hardest for us all to forgive ourselves, please know you are not alone
Cuc

Yes I did see The Passion & I broke down & wailed when I realized that He went thru all that FOR ME!!! Especially after what I have done in my life & how it hurt our Lord & Savior! It makes me sick to think that He went thru all that & I can't even stay on track & how I keep backsliding time after time in my life. I really want to be able to make that commitment & NOT give up when things go wrong. I also struggle with being in control of my emotions, especially anger & frustration. This happens when my back is up against the wall & I'm in a situation that I can't control. Maybe I need to watch it over & over (instead of all the liberal garbage I watch on TV) until it completely sinks in.

Hello again John. Glad to see you're still seeking the Lords will. What stood out to me was your frustrations with your emotions. I think we tend to hate emotions and we especially hate when the emotions show. We beat ourselves up. Yet emotions are from God. He showed emotion. Anger, frustration, sadness...ect. So it's ok to feel emotions. It's what we do with them that matters. We as humans must work hard not to allow our emotions to harm others. Sometimes it takes practice. I use to have a horrible temper. Through the Lord I rarely get angry. There is hope.

I think we all do things we regret out of panic when are backs are up against the wall. It's human. Take a look at the birds. When the hunter draws near they seem to freak out of fly from their safe abode with in the tall grass. If only they'd stay still. The hunter would pass them by. Perhaps that visual will help you to "stay still" when the hunter draws near.

Take care and God bless.

P.S. Thank you for sharing. It's been a good reminder to me as to what I should be doing.

Brother He does NOT want you to hate yourself for your past only learn from it
I am in a lot of ways just like you but I have learn something here and that is God loves me no matter what and he will NEVER stop no matter what I do wrong or how I react to issues and He will heal you and me of these things in His time if we continue to follow His lead
Hang in there brother
Cuc

Amen Christian Under Construction ...

So very true.

Welcome to the path of Hope and Healing, brother John.

Luv ya bros

Love you all too. Thank you for all the love & support!!!