Christianity Oasis Member Forum & Chat Room

STONE 4 – MAY 10-2012

Today I feel very bad, because I know that I have not forgiven, my parents and brothers. I have not talked to them for a year.
Yesterday doing stone 3 I cried a lot and feel that I forgave, even I felt yesterday that I wanted to talk to them… but at the end I thought for what I should contact them? I am afraid of being hurt again.. they have tried to contact me but I have refused to meet them.... I tried also to put into practice the study of "renew my mind"

Today with the stone 4, I understood that they and me are in a net… I know.. my life being very sad last year..

My friends here.. I want to forgive as I read today... but … cannot do it … cannot trust in myself.. I mean I want to forgive, I want to be forgiven, I want to love Jesus truly, I cried and really want to do, I could even express with my own words that I forgive… but reading the stone today I know that never I have done it… never…
When my mood is quite good I am ok and forgive.. but always been prevented with the offender… I forgive but deep inside I expect they do it the same things to me that hurt me so much… as my parents did…

Please I need help!!!!!... want my life to be restore, want to be different, but I cannot.. I know for stone 3 that I have been forgotten by Jesus by grace…
I know now that must be a miracle that should happened… how could forget and be normal as nothing happened?... cannot… I have tried many times ... really tried...
Now I am thinking what is the point to meet and talk to my parents and brothers and sister if in a week or two any one will offend me, even worse…. And pass things come to light again…???
I really want that God renew my mind.. want to think and act different… I would like to have a family... I have not had any friend or close person to me for a couple of years…I have been so lonely.. I think that how any one want to be close to me if my parents and brothers and sister they did no like me? If they did not like me how any body could like me?...

I know that prayer will help me know, I need a miracle in my life.. I read in the Bible in ("The valley of dry bones" Ezekiel 37:1-14), I want restoration of my soul, of my life, I want my mind to be renewed…

I want to continue with my healing path… I do appreciate your prayers…. For me and for my family, all of us need restoration.. I have suffered so much but know that they also have…

Maybe someone could said, just talk to them and forgive, that is easy… I wish anybody could understand that I want... in my heart I want.. and also I could do something, I could try… but in my subconscious still the problems… and here I want to be honest, because really want to be heal... deep heal... do not know how to remove it from my subconscious

Dear sis,
First you are not alone in the struggle of forgiveness, we all (most here) have had the same struggle and some like you are not able to totally forgive, it is just something you have to go to God daily and ask that He show you the grace that He gives us.
I still catch myself everyday not forgiving, the one thing that seems to help me is W.W.J.D. = What Would Jesus Do and another is to imagine that the person I am mad at or hurt by is turned into Jesus in my eyes, Or that Jesus is standing behind me watching to see how I am going to react to the anger or pain (we both know He sees all BUT physically imagine Him standing there)
By doing this it almost immediately takes the anger or hurt or at least lessens it to the point I am able to control my thoughts and it is then I can go to God and ask that He remove that hurt or anger and give me the strength to forgive

As for your family yes they may react in a way not pleasant to you but IF they do it is not that you don't understand why

they have tried to contact me but I have refused to meet them

You may be hurt by them refusing you but you must try, and if the worst happens then you go to God for the strength to try again and again until they see you are trying to change and that you wish for them to be in your life.

I pray the Lord gives you more of the answers you seek as well as the grace to forgive and the strength to reach out.
May God bless and keep you.
Cuc