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This one is a challenge... original sin infects my nature. I think about *me*, my rights, how others have wronged *me*. It's really hard not to lapse into a victim mentality sometimes instead of thinking about others first, especially the Lord. Sometimes it's a tough balance between my pride, wanting to seem self sufficient and in control, and then lapsing into a 'woe is me' attitude. I have trouble discerning between 'woe is me' and an honest cry for HELP PLEASE. Maybe because I'm worried about this I often overcompensate by keeping stuff to myself until it's a real problem. I avoid looking at stuff with my eyes open to avoid seeing a problem and feeling vulnerable.

But the selfishness is always there, ready to take over. Last night I indulged in so many 'woe is me' thoughts... i indulged in anger, and oh, the fear. I have so much fear. If I stop for two seconds and think about it's the fear that is my enemy right now. Of course my pride won't let me admit that to anyone, until now! i am petrified by fear, I don't know what to do and don't want to think about it.

I have this on my heart suddenly to share... last night I was weeping, silently, with grief and fear because I kept thinking- what happens if my husband dies? He's not a believer. These thoughts suddenly oppressed me, with such a heaviness, it was unbearable.

My prayer is that God renews my nature in Christ, to learn to be content in all circumstances like Paul who endured so many things, to take up my cross daily...