Familiar feeling
Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2012 9:34 pmI used to listen to nothing but Christian music. Then I just stopped one day and avoided it altogether.
Two days ago someone posted a video on facebook of youth doing a flash mob to a Christian song...praising God.
Seeing those kids worship and hearing the worship song...well I guess God used that to call on me. To remind me of how I used to praise Him and show me how far I really had fallen. I've hardly talked to Him or said a prayer let alone worship.
So I turned the radio on to my favorite Christian station and have been listening to it all day every day. I had forgotten how much I loved it and how good it makes me feel. I had forgotten how listening to these songs speaks to my soul and moves me. So many of them that I've been hearing seem that they were sung just for me, God speaking to me through them. Or they seem as though they're saying what's in my heart because I'm not able to.
I said I was getting back to God but I have yet to change my habits and lifestyle. I feel the want though, to pull away from it all, grow stronger all the time. I don't want to go "out" and pretend to be having a good time. I don't want to drink and pretend to be happy. I don't want to get into bed with someone and pretend that I'm ok with it.
I feel God chipping away at me, and some of it hurts and some of it is difficult but I'm so thankful for it. I had forgotten who I was completely and He's restoring me. The going is slow because I hold back but I want so much to get back again..and I want so much to stay this time. It's been so long since I've let God's presence just wash over me and rested in it. But I feel it right now...I don't even have words for it.
Just before I got on here to type this up I was upset and crying because I'm stressed and worried about things and feel defeated and a failure. I literally just felt so exhausted because of it. Coming here helps because I can write as though in my journal and release it all. And as I've been typing and thinking and listening...I feel that stress and worry melt. I actually feel some peace. I actually have a little hope all of sudden. I don't feel so exhausted...I know He's with me right now and holding me. Now I'm crying for different reasons.
And those things that I was stressed and worried over and feeling bad about, well I'm going to put them at His feet and let Him take care of them. I can't do anything about them anyhow, not without God at least. I just have to keep striving to make progress.
....I was just talking to a friend of mine and I said that I've been trying to figure out why nothing has been seeming to work for me this past year...I feel foolish for that because I now realize exactly why. I've been on my own. I walked away from God and decided I was going to my own thing and since then I've had nothing. Haven't even been able to find work in a year. Now I just keep thinking, "DUH!"...you can't make it without God...He won't bless you with anything while walking in sin and spitting in His face.
Two days ago someone posted a video on facebook of youth doing a flash mob to a Christian song...praising God.
Seeing those kids worship and hearing the worship song...well I guess God used that to call on me. To remind me of how I used to praise Him and show me how far I really had fallen. I've hardly talked to Him or said a prayer let alone worship.
So I turned the radio on to my favorite Christian station and have been listening to it all day every day. I had forgotten how much I loved it and how good it makes me feel. I had forgotten how listening to these songs speaks to my soul and moves me. So many of them that I've been hearing seem that they were sung just for me, God speaking to me through them. Or they seem as though they're saying what's in my heart because I'm not able to.
I said I was getting back to God but I have yet to change my habits and lifestyle. I feel the want though, to pull away from it all, grow stronger all the time. I don't want to go "out" and pretend to be having a good time. I don't want to drink and pretend to be happy. I don't want to get into bed with someone and pretend that I'm ok with it.
I feel God chipping away at me, and some of it hurts and some of it is difficult but I'm so thankful for it. I had forgotten who I was completely and He's restoring me. The going is slow because I hold back but I want so much to get back again..and I want so much to stay this time. It's been so long since I've let God's presence just wash over me and rested in it. But I feel it right now...I don't even have words for it.
Just before I got on here to type this up I was upset and crying because I'm stressed and worried about things and feel defeated and a failure. I literally just felt so exhausted because of it. Coming here helps because I can write as though in my journal and release it all. And as I've been typing and thinking and listening...I feel that stress and worry melt. I actually feel some peace. I actually have a little hope all of sudden. I don't feel so exhausted...I know He's with me right now and holding me. Now I'm crying for different reasons.
And those things that I was stressed and worried over and feeling bad about, well I'm going to put them at His feet and let Him take care of them. I can't do anything about them anyhow, not without God at least. I just have to keep striving to make progress.
....I was just talking to a friend of mine and I said that I've been trying to figure out why nothing has been seeming to work for me this past year...I feel foolish for that because I now realize exactly why. I've been on my own. I walked away from God and decided I was going to my own thing and since then I've had nothing. Haven't even been able to find work in a year. Now I just keep thinking, "DUH!"...you can't make it without God...He won't bless you with anything while walking in sin and spitting in His face.
) . I say that because I'm a firm believer of nothing , absolutely nothing , happens in God's world by mistake , and or , without purpose , now all we got left to do is , to continue on hearing and responding to the next Direction He has in mind for you .
) .... Going through this , One day at a time , you WILL be amazed before you are half-way through ... and that's a promise !