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Today was a good day, i visited a church close by, for a morning service and than later went to my church. I could feel Gods hand telling me I wasnt alone and he was going to lead me to unknown paths but that he would be with me. I have made a new packed with God myself and my children so i am more accountable. It's not going to be easy cuz I tend to worry a bit too much even though I know God is in control, i told my kids we will be living by faith from now on. I dont know whats going to happen but what ever it is I know God will be there with me.
It saddens me that my husband is so blind, he cant see what he's losing. He has always used a denfese, when he is in the wrong he acts like he's been offended, upset and it comes off as anger. I told him i wasnt going to let him do that to me anymore and if he couldnt seek God and get counseling i couldnt wait for him. I told him to seek God for himself, to make things right for himself and for his children.
I love my children because they have so much love, even though they are hurt, let done, they love him but still manage to see that he is making no effort and agree with me that he should come home. God is speaking to him by form of his elderly and sick parents and caring for them, having to stay with them under not the best of situations and full of discomforts and he cant figure out why. He's said he wants to come home once his father is better, that he is so uncomfortable its so cold its so small, hes sleeping on the couch, and on and on finaly i said why do you want to come home, because you are so inconvenienced, not once has he said I miss you and the kids, not a I love you and the kids, i want to make it better because i am sorry for all i have done i want to work on our marriage and make it up to you, nothing. is that wrong of me am I being selfish? I dont think God wants that for me either, to put me back into the same horror I lived in for so long trying to be submissive and taking his abbuse. Im never going back to that again, I promised God and I know he supports me in this,that I would never go back to the missery I once lived. I am certainely not perfect and full of so many faults but I would never intentionaly, and continuely hurt the one that is faithful and supports everything I do with blind love. i love my family my friends why would I ever intentionaly hurt them.
I thank God for all my family and friends old and new that he has put in my path, especially through this phsunamy im going through. Its either a curse or a blessing, I know this is so hard because through all this I still love him, but I need to do this right what ever it is, for my children, they will one day marry and I want them to have successfull mariages. God bless you all for your prayers.

I am glad you had a good day and I hope things get better with each day. I do not know what you have endured, your pain or hurt and I may never be able to understand your frustration. But I do know that God loves you and He only wants what is best for you. I know He doesnt want you to be in an abusive relationship or have your children in such a situation. I don't think you are selfish but I think you should pray more as oppose to confronting your husband and accusing him. No one knows what your husband feels, maybe he is struggling with his own battle internally. You said you love your husband but in the beginning you said you cannot wait on him. I know time is precious and life shouldn't be 'wasted' on those who are not trying. But those two statements are contradictory. Remember Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always PERSEVERES.
A friend of mine, a non believer, told me something that has changed my perspective on life and love. It's amazing how God uses people. I broke up with my ex-boyfriend because I felt I was always giving of my love, time and everything else and he didn't put the same effort. I miss him and love him, and now I am praying and trusting God will bring him back into my life. But while I was going on and on about what he didn't do, my friend said did you love him because he loved you? were you only giving because of what you wanted him to give to you in return? This upset me but I soon realized he was right and God revealed it to me as well. "And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that." Luke 6:33
Like I said I don't know what you are going through, but whatever it is my prayer and hope for you is that you will keep praying for your marriage. I pray you will try and try and exhaust every posisble option, your love and patience during this time may just be what your husband needs. It's easy to walk away, it takes a far more courage to stay. Be persistent and God will lead you. I am praying for you, your family and your marriage. Your husband is going through a tough time with his parents it seems, so stand by him as best as you can. God bless

Hi troubledheart and God bless you today. Your post today is full of God's wisdom. No, He doesnt want you or your children in abusive situations. And, you are so right when you said that your children will marry one day and continue with what they have seen...thing is...they also see you. Keep serving the Lord, sis..loving them, showing them by your example, Godly love and life. He will heal their hearts as well. Continue in prayer..not only for them, but for your husband. Staying and allowing the abuse to continue does nothing to bring your husband to the Lord. Showing him Christ, through your life, is a seed planted. You can love and pray and bless him even though you dont live together. Keep praying for your husband and know that he is God's too...and God wants to work in his life as well. This does not mean you have to live with him. You will know what to do in time...in God's time. In the meantime, keep doing what you are doing and allow Him to continue to heal you. One day at a time, sister. Thats all you gotta do and you and your kids are not alone. Just today.

God bless you.

In Jesus,
love momo