My Journal entry #4
Posted: Thu Feb 02, 2012 10:00 pmI praise the Lord that He led me to this sight -- a place to feel safe sharing my thoughts. The lessons are so good -- just what I need. I love knowing I'm prayed for also.
Forgiveness . . . . I find it so much easier to forgive others than to forgive myself. I've tried to think if I've held onto unforgiveness. . . I don't believe so. My childhood was challenging. While I was raised in a Christian (yet rigid) environment, love wasn't displayed. My mother is narcisstic, and after reading books about daughters of narcisstic mothers, I'm a textbook case. My world growing up was being shamed, and never feeling good enough. I Rebelled with a capital R. Looking for love and acceptance I couldn't find at home. Turned myself into a prideful, selfish person. My pain eventually made me fall face first on the ground crying out to the Lord, and only by His help, am I the person I am today. I believe I have forgiven my mom . . . she's still the same person she's always been, but she's done her best given who she is. But, her coldness has made me warm and loving. I'm very affectionate to my kids. Since my family raised me in a Christian home, who knows if I would have known Him to cry out to Him? The study is causing me to study if I've truly forgiven my mom. . . I believe I have, but it's worth thinking and praying about.
I'm working on forgiving myself. That is my biggie. Thank you for your prayers. This 14 day journey is incredible. I'm spending each day in thought & prayer. If I don't forgive myself, essentially I am telling God I don't believe that He has forgiven me. I'm trying to open myself up to receive ALL his Love and Forgiveness.
Thank you God, for forgiving my sins. Thank you for sending your Son to die for us . . . only through your love can we be saved and healed.
Forgiveness . . . . I find it so much easier to forgive others than to forgive myself. I've tried to think if I've held onto unforgiveness. . . I don't believe so. My childhood was challenging. While I was raised in a Christian (yet rigid) environment, love wasn't displayed. My mother is narcisstic, and after reading books about daughters of narcisstic mothers, I'm a textbook case. My world growing up was being shamed, and never feeling good enough. I Rebelled with a capital R. Looking for love and acceptance I couldn't find at home. Turned myself into a prideful, selfish person. My pain eventually made me fall face first on the ground crying out to the Lord, and only by His help, am I the person I am today. I believe I have forgiven my mom . . . she's still the same person she's always been, but she's done her best given who she is. But, her coldness has made me warm and loving. I'm very affectionate to my kids. Since my family raised me in a Christian home, who knows if I would have known Him to cry out to Him? The study is causing me to study if I've truly forgiven my mom. . . I believe I have, but it's worth thinking and praying about.
I'm working on forgiving myself. That is my biggie. Thank you for your prayers. This 14 day journey is incredible. I'm spending each day in thought & prayer. If I don't forgive myself, essentially I am telling God I don't believe that He has forgiven me. I'm trying to open myself up to receive ALL his Love and Forgiveness.
Thank you God, for forgiving my sins. Thank you for sending your Son to die for us . . . only through your love can we be saved and healed.