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I'm just a little confused right now as to what to do with my life. I've been slowly drawing nearer to God and my boyfriend and I have steadily been drawing further apart.
Last night we got into. I've known for at a few days that a break up was coming but he wouldn't say it. So I looked at his texts last night to his best friend Tara who he tells everything to. Sure enough he told her that he had gone out on a date with another girl, just to have a drink and see if there was anything there. Then he said, "I was going to break up with her tonight but our friends came over"...
So we started to get into it because I mentioned something about it on my facebook and he saw it. He had our friends leave and we got into it. Funny thing though, he said that he doesn't want it to go this way, he wants us to work. Doesn't make any sense to me if he was going to break up with me that night went out for a drink with someone else and has been flirting with her like crazy on facebook where everyone can see including me...he must think I'm stupid and don't pay attention. I don't know what to do as far as him right now...we just aren't working obviously and I know part of it is me.

So I decided that I was going to try and get approved to go to job corps, the closest one is 5 hours from me. And if I didn't get that I was going to plan on going back home to In. for a while and figure things out. Because other than those two options, I really don't have anything...not really anywhere else to go. But then this morning checking my email and job posting site, there were a few jobs to look into to. I don't get any news about any jobs for so long and now suddenly there's like five in one day. My friends said it's a sign to not leave. I've asked God to make it clear to me what I should do, but at the moment I still have no idea. I guess I'll see Monday...if I get approved for job corps first or get a job first..I have no idea. I feel like I'm standing in the middle of a huge raging river on a rock, needing to get across to one side or the other. Both sides are difficult to get to, either way it's going to be hard to wade through and get to the bank...I don't know which way will be better for me in the end right now.

Sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too.

When he's in control (the one breaking up) breaking up sounds good to him. But the thought of being dumped by you causes him to grasp at trying to gain control again. It's all about control. It doesn't sound like it will go any where good until he realizes the importance of unity and lets go of his need to be in control. Playing the field while keeping you hanging on is not cool. He needs some time to mature and decide what he wants.

I'm very glad to hear you are getting closer to God. HE is the one and only one who can give you everything you need. He can even erase that emptiness and fill those lonely moments with a personal relationship with the one who loves you most. God is amazing. Keep seeking Him. Keep sharing. I like reading your post.