Journal entry day#1
Posted: Sat Jan 28, 2012 2:59 pm
Hi God!!! I found a site online to spend time with other christians. There was a link there about starting a 14 day journey called healing path.
It says I am to be consistent in these 14 days to journal so here I am.
I'm not feeling good emotionally these days Lord. I don't understand why I am in the place I am now. I have spent a lot of time becoming closer to you since losing my job. I've always tried to be a good peson and to help others.I know the Holy Spirit gave me the gift of nursing. You know I was a good nurse and I cared about my patients. Since losing myjob and becoming closer to You I realized I was not always compassionate to difficult patients and co-workers.
My life has not been an easy one., Lord. Growing up with an alcoholic father who was abusive at times was not easy. I have forgiven him for the way he was.
You know my first marriage wasn't a good and ended soonfter we married due to him being so controlling. My second marriage would have been good had we not moved back to his home town where his drinking took over his life. I blamed myself for a long time but eventually came to see that his illness was the problem not me. It hurts to know how much pain he was in and there was nothing I could do to help him.
You know since I lost my jobI have had many trials. Finances are awful and the unemployment is going to run out soon. I was lazy in the beginning to look for work and didn't realize that it would be so hard to find work.
Now I don't know what to do. I keep asking for Your help but I feel like You are being silent and I don't understand why. You know I'm doing my part to find a job and praying about it to You.
I am thankful for the blessings You have given to me this past 1 1/2 years. You have blessed me with an enourmous amount of strength. You helped me get over a realationship that wasn't right for us at the time. You helped me get through the car accident and kep me and my daughter and dog safe and helped us heal quickly from our minor injuries. You blessed me with another car although it needs repairs that I can't get fixed till my finances get better. You have provided the money to meet each months bills and have given us food and clothing. You have helped me lose these 50 lbs and kept me healthy without my medications. You have blessed me with good family and friends. You have provided a church where there is love and people are eager to doYour will. You helped me get through the bed bug ordeal where everything was bagged up and I felt like I was living in a dumpster. I am so grateful and thankful that You have been with me through all this and have kept me strong.
This journey however is getting tough. Without a job and unemployment coming to an end I don't know what to do. I pray and ask for answers but none come. My strength is weakening. My body is physically hurting all the time now. No matter how much I pray and try to trust in You and bleive in You and have faith I'm losing my peace and joy.
I'm trying real hard to fully rely on You Lord. I keep telling myself you are working to make things better but I don't feel that way.
Hold on to me Lord!!! I feel like I am falling into a pit that keeps getting darker. I need Your Light to shine upon me. I really need You Lord. Not just today but everyday. Right now I just wish You would bring me home to You but if You will is for me to be here please make things better.
It says I am to be consistent in these 14 days to journal so here I am.
I'm not feeling good emotionally these days Lord. I don't understand why I am in the place I am now. I have spent a lot of time becoming closer to you since losing my job. I've always tried to be a good peson and to help others.I know the Holy Spirit gave me the gift of nursing. You know I was a good nurse and I cared about my patients. Since losing myjob and becoming closer to You I realized I was not always compassionate to difficult patients and co-workers.
My life has not been an easy one., Lord. Growing up with an alcoholic father who was abusive at times was not easy. I have forgiven him for the way he was.
You know my first marriage wasn't a good and ended soonfter we married due to him being so controlling. My second marriage would have been good had we not moved back to his home town where his drinking took over his life. I blamed myself for a long time but eventually came to see that his illness was the problem not me. It hurts to know how much pain he was in and there was nothing I could do to help him.
You know since I lost my jobI have had many trials. Finances are awful and the unemployment is going to run out soon. I was lazy in the beginning to look for work and didn't realize that it would be so hard to find work.
Now I don't know what to do. I keep asking for Your help but I feel like You are being silent and I don't understand why. You know I'm doing my part to find a job and praying about it to You.
I am thankful for the blessings You have given to me this past 1 1/2 years. You have blessed me with an enourmous amount of strength. You helped me get over a realationship that wasn't right for us at the time. You helped me get through the car accident and kep me and my daughter and dog safe and helped us heal quickly from our minor injuries. You blessed me with another car although it needs repairs that I can't get fixed till my finances get better. You have provided the money to meet each months bills and have given us food and clothing. You have helped me lose these 50 lbs and kept me healthy without my medications. You have blessed me with good family and friends. You have provided a church where there is love and people are eager to doYour will. You helped me get through the bed bug ordeal where everything was bagged up and I felt like I was living in a dumpster. I am so grateful and thankful that You have been with me through all this and have kept me strong.
This journey however is getting tough. Without a job and unemployment coming to an end I don't know what to do. I pray and ask for answers but none come. My strength is weakening. My body is physically hurting all the time now. No matter how much I pray and try to trust in You and bleive in You and have faith I'm losing my peace and joy.
I'm trying real hard to fully rely on You Lord. I keep telling myself you are working to make things better but I don't feel that way.
Hold on to me Lord!!! I feel like I am falling into a pit that keeps getting darker. I need Your Light to shine upon me. I really need You Lord. Not just today but everyday. Right now I just wish You would bring me home to You but if You will is for me to be here please make things better.