Christianity Oasis Member Forum & Chat Room

I'm a 24-year-old woman and am newly married. I was raised by my dad (a Baptist minister) and my mother (a homemaker). As a child, I was taught that saving one's virginity for marriage was the right thing to do. As I have grown older, I have grown only stronger in believing this way.

When I first met my husband, we were attracted to each other instantly. However, he was proud (at first) of his past. He had lived with a girlfriend for a few years and bragged about "being with" a number of girls. Now, I am proud to say that he is a born-again Christian. He has apologized to me so many times about how he was in the past and how he treated me when we were first together.

Here is my problem: I have trouble with forgiving not only him, but also, myself. When I think back to the way I enabled him to talk to me in such an uncouth manner, I cringe. I love the man dearly, and now I see that the Lord put me in his life for a reason. But still, I get so doubtful at times, I just don't know what to do. I feel that my life will be so much better once I can fully put this all behind me. I have talked to my husband about it, and I have prayed about it, but I still think that I am seeking some sort of closure. Perhaps just writing this out will provide a way for me to begin a truthful healing process.

If you have experienced anything like this, I would love to have your input on the topic. May the Lord be with us all.

-JR

Forgiveness is not something i know much about. I do know it's a very DEEP and INTENSE subject/topic. And that it is truly hard to do 100%.

I do know that people have forgiven for harm I've caused them and I used to think, how or why can they do that? I've come to realize they're not forgiving me to right MY wrong. They're forgiving me to get THEIR closure and peace. Although, I must admit, one person told me to my face he forgave me for harming him, and it did have an awakening inside of me. There are many people I should forgive in my life for harming me and I just carry it. Maybe one day I will learn truly how to forgive and be done carrying around all of this baggage. Maybe one day I will truly learn how to forgive myself for harm I've caused myself and that others have bestowed upon me.

The world is crazy. I only know ONE PERSON who id saving herself for marriage. Everyone else I know is just living life doing what they want, what makes them feel good right now. I think you sound like an angel to me. Wish I could trade places with others i meet and see how they live. I doubt anyone would want to walk thru my shoes for a day.

GOOD LUCK to you. I pray you find closure.

Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I do like what you said about living a day in someone else's shoes. The truth is, everyone has burdens to bear. I hope that you will also find what it is you are looking for. May God bless you!

-JR

This is one of the hardest things to do. It is easy to say I forgive you but do you really forgive them in your heart. To forgive yourself is even harder. I struggle with this everyday. You dont just forgive someone once, you have to continuely forgive until it sets in for good. The main thing you need to remember is that God has already forgiven you. Also, to hold onto resentment is like letting yourself rot from the inside out. It is not easy to do but once you forgive that is it. You must give it to God. He will take care of it from there. It is no longer your burden. this is easier said then done. I know from experiance. I have to constantly remind myself to "Let go and Let God" You will see that alot as you travel down the path. Also along the way you will discuss forgivness. I know it is hard but God does not give us anything more than we can handle. I was once told that to forgive is like setting a prisoner free. Then realizing the prisoner was me. Continue down the path. Things will become clearer as you travel. Just remember He is with you every step of the you. I hope this helps some. Trust in the Lord and God bless.

Hi Forever and welcome to Oasis!

Sister in Jesus, when Im faced with forgiving someone the Lord reminds me that I forgive cuz Ive been forgiven for so much. We have all sinned. We have all fallen. We are all born selfish and learn over time to become more selfish...until the Lord comes in and we begin to seek His ways. He begins to change us from the inside out. Still, we are human. The good news is, He is growing us day by day. Forgiveness starts with a decision to do so. It doesnt make what was done right. It does say that you will not be judge and jury over someone else's life. It says you will allow God to be God and trust that He knows their hearts as well as He knows yours. There are deep roots in all of us that lead us to sin. Your husband has the same enemy we all have. You have the power of the Holy Spirit working in your life and in your thoughts. Decide to forgive. God's grace is sufficient...for his sins of the past...and yours. When Christ died on the cross, it wasnt done half-way. When you..or anyone else asks for His forgiveness with a heart of repentance, it is done. It is complete. It is finished. Honestly ask yourself, who am I to hold something against someone that the Lord has already forgiven?? and who am I to hold this against myself when the Lord Jesus died on the cross to cover it? This is just one of the beauties about His grace and mercy. None of us get what we truly deserve.

God bless you, sister in Jesus. Keep deciding to forgive and lay it at the cross. Pray for your husband and leave the past in the past. Dont let the enemy of your soul whisper to you about this anymore. It is covered by the blood of Jesus.

In Jesus,
love momo

I cannot thank you all enough for taking time out of your busy days to read and reply to my post. I am feeling better already! My husband and I attended service last night at our church, and I thanked the Lord for my many blessings. As Christians, we must remember to always encourage and lift each other up. I just want to thank you for your kindness and ask that our Father in Heaven bless you as you walk your paths.

-JR