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I am starting day one, and I sure hope I am putting this in the correct spot (forum). I have felt a pull towards christ for a long time now, and seem to find a way to stuff it down and forget about it, until of course life is going rough! Same pattern for me for many years. I know that letting go and giving myself to christ is the first step and only way life will be whole for me.
I read that all can be forgiven, but I have my doubts but continue to seek some sort of salvation. I have struggles with depression for many years and harbored hard feelings for others for way to long. I am at the point that I can (most days) think that I have forgiven them, yet I am not so sure becuase I have put a line in the sand so to speak and wont let them cross and I sure am not going back that way again.
I have a gambling problem that I need to get under control and know that no amount of therapy, drugs, or groups is going to help or do anything until I am able to accept christ in my life and move forward with his help.
There are many reasons I am sure that I have turned out to be the person that I am, but I truley dont know what any one single thing is, or if there is anything.
I know my life is not complete or as full as it could be, therefore I start my journey with hopes that it brings me where I should be.

Hi lookingfor?
I pray you find what you are looking for. DOING something like joining this forum is a pretty good first step. I know God is drawing you and I pray that this is the beginning of something awesome for you. Speaking of forgiveness...drawing a line in the sand for the people that hurt you isn't nessicarily a sign you haven't forgiven. Forgiveness frees YOU. I know it feels like you're letting someone off the hook for doing something bad, but it's NOT. Forgiveness is helping YOU move forward and keeps bitterness from creeping in which the devil uses to destroy us. If I loan someone money and they don't pay me back, I can forgive them. I can even try loaning them money again and if the again don't return the money, I can STILL forgive them. However, I don't have to loan them money anymore. Forgiving means you don't hold it against them anymore, but you don't have to be a glutton for punishment either. It sounds like you are just establishing healthy boundaries and until they restore trust. God bless you in your journey!

Hailey

Thank you Haily, that put some perspective to my thoughts.

Day 2, and what a way to clear the mind!
Honesty has been a hard thing for me since childhood. I think that it is easier to lie, or hide the truth in order to sheild one self from others negative feedback. There is also that feeling of opening up and eventually getting hurt after you were honest. I still wonder what got me to where I am today, and i can only say ME. I have fought the lord for a long time, knowing when he was saying, hey I am here all you need to do is surrender. I want to surrender now, but still have the feeling that something is holding me back.
I feel like I am asking alot of him, but I want to be free of this addiction. Is that satan's hold on my or my own will that will not let this go? I ask myself this most everyday and never come up with and anwer.
Looking forward to stepping stone 3 as this gets me just a little closer to understanding what I need to do, and what is waiting for me when I get there.
I could ramble on and on, but I think this is enough for one day. I am going to dig out a bible and start some reading in that.
Good day to all

Day three, and I am starting to understand a bit more about the lord, and myself. I was up for some time last night just pondering life and that of others and wondered if I truley would be forgiven. I today I know something is going on, something is happening. I feel my problems getting smaller, and worries are not so hefty this morning. I enjoyed time with my family today, not a usual thing for me lately. We were on a bike ride today, riding past some rose bushes and I REALLY could smell the roses! I can't really think of the last time I have had a clear enough mind to even notice something so simple, yet so lovely.

I will continue to walk this path and lay my stepping stones step by step.

Hello Lookingfor

God bless you this day.

Ahhhhhhhhhh, noticing a rose and the aroma. God is so Good!!! That is just like Him, and if you think about it...God sent you flowers yesterday, and just as cool...you received them. He has so much for us to see, hear and receive -- most of which was right there in front of us, all along but we missed it.

He's been loving you and watching you all along, and He knew you long before the creation of the world. That thought just blows my mind, sometimes -- but, none the less, is the truth. He knew exactly when each of us would be born, because He is the one that planned it: He thought it/us, He created it/us and He moved to make it/us come to pass -- and, He knew every step and every thought we'd ever take or think. AND, He loves us.

I'm looking forward to reading about all the things you share on this journey -- those awesome God moments when you know: Wow, God did that. Keep your eyes and ears open, Lookingfor, He has more to come.

God bless and keep you.
In Christ Jesus' love,
Sister Mack

Day 5
I didn't jot down anything in step four or yesterday to be exact. I continue to work on the steps, having my mind opened even further to the error of my ways. Honestly I think about what I have read and how it makes sense, and I wonder why I have spent a lifetime of fighting this. Life can be basically so simple if you really think about it. I know that it may not be easy everyday to behave as a christian should, but what a good way to live! Life needs work, and so does faith and if I fall off this path I have started I see only hardship and wonders of why does this happen.
I think of the anger, revenge, and so many other feelings and actions I have had or done in my life, and think to myself now how truly selfish it was, and how I have hurt others and been hurt by this. I still need lots of work, but I am on the way and feel good about it.

I have missed a couple of days of journaling, but just completed the sixth step and find myself a little confused.
I realize that I have not liked myself or anyone to much for a long time, and as easy as it seems too change I am having a hard time. How do I let go and give it to God? I try but I can't seem to move forward with this.

Hello lookingfor

Hope your day is blessed by the one who gives us everything .

I would just like to encourage you and let you know that change is NOT easy. It will be hard, it always is when change comes about, but the friction solidifies the change even moreso. Howso? If this friction causes me to react in some form of anger, fear, or resentment then there is some lesson I need to learn. If I’m not willing to learn, the pain keeps ratcheting up until I become willing. Change seems scary sometimes, who will i be? what will i be doing? do i have to change everything? what will i learn? what if it dont work? etc etc etc But He says "Peace be still and know the I am God" and "you can do all things through Christ Jesus who gives you strength"

As far as letting go is concerned and how to do that, there is no easy answer to that one too. Sometimes we have to let go in "doses" .. but you cant let go without working through the problem itself. It will just resurface. Those are the things He wants to work out with you. If you dont love yourself, you might find it hard to do anything good for yourself, so you begin to learn just how good you are... According to Him and what He says about you, not by what the world says you are. Over time you may begin to change to love yourself, but you have to be willing to do your part... and with you being here searching , i say you are

So , now what? Well look inside and ask yourself and between your Heavenly Father "Why dont i like myself? Why do i find it hard to like other people? What caused me to start having these feelings and why did you start believing it? " These are just suggestions and is how I ask Holy Spirit to show me areas that need to be changed to better my relationship with HIm, myself and others. The answer lies within us. Once you find the answers to these certain areas, it will be easier to let go and Let God.. because in so doing of the working it out is giving it to God in essence. Sometimes little by little and some by mounds and heap fulls.

Hope this helped you
God bless ya
♥Jill

Hello Lookingfor

God bless you this day.

You asked:

I realize that I have not liked myself or anyone to much for a long time, and as easy as it seems too change I am having a hard time. How do I let go and give it to God?

Most of us had that question, many times over. One thing we must keep in mind is that as a Born Again Christian, we have the indwelling of The Holy Spirit, and He is the One that makes the changes in us, all we have to do is be a willing participant in the process.

Soooo, what do we do to make ourselves available and a willing participant in His process...His good works? We seek The Lord with our whole heart: through prayer, through reading His Word, through listening for and to Him.

Lookingfor, take Him everywhere you go and remember Him in everything you do. Seriously, even if it seems odd, when you are doing laundry, talk to Him about it, making the bed, making coffee, -- whatever you do, talk to The Holy Spirit, as if you could see Him. No, you won't actually see Him, but He is right there, so talk to Him. You are building your relationship with Almighty God.

John 17:3 And this is life eternal, that they might know Thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, Whom Thou has sent.

Now, I'm gonna say that in Mack language, with my southern twang Eternal life is this...it starts right now in the here and now (on earth), and it will continue into the by and by (Heaven) getting to know God Almighty: God The Father and God The Son and God The Holy Spirit, because The Father sent The Son (Jesus) to save us and so we could get to know Him...GOD. Because He loves us. Wooooooohooooooo!!!

There is an old song that was in the movie "The King and I" starring Deborah Kerr and Yul Brenner from way back in the 1950s, and the song goes like this "Getting to know you, getting to know all about you". That song comes to my mind every time I read John 17:3.

Initially it may all feel so strange and foreign, and yes, maybe even a little silly to start talking to God like we would a person standing in front of us, but, once you do, in no time at all it becomes "normal".

Lookingfor, He loves you and has been waiting a long time for you to get to know Him. How exciting huh??? Even though He knows our every thought, He still enjoys hearing us tell Him what is going on in our life, and He wants you to feel His peace and His joy...and the way to experience Him in His fullness, is to acknowledge Him in all our ways...connecting to Him spirit to Spirit. Do so, ushers us into a place...a spiritual place -- into His presence.

I'm remembering another song from my past, in the 1970s. Bear with me, Lookingfor, one of the ways He and I communicate is through music. He reminds me of songs from my past, as if to say "Mack, I was there with you back then." Yeah!!! God is so Good!!!

Okay, here's that other song. It was by The Staple Singers "I'll Take You There" (here is the Youtube link if you want to listen to it): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPJ-KnveLh8&feature=related

He will take us there, to that place, into His presence.

I'm hopeful for you, Lookingfor. And, I'm excited for you too. Soooooo, keep seeking Him, keep reading His Word, keept talking to Him, keep reading the Steps, and keep hoping. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen.

Prayers are rising to our Lord in the name of Jesus, on your behalf. May God's blessed will be done.

God bless and keep you.
Love,
Sister Mack

Thank you for Mack and Jill for your words of confidence, it makes this process a little less intimidating. I take your words to heart, as they feel like the little push I need to continue this journey. Once again thank you!

I am finding that after completing a stepping stone, I have so many questions swirling in my head. Then when I log on and read the next step, it answers my questions from the day before. I do feel a bit more at peace with myself, now to move on to being at peace with the world around me. I don't know what has made me the person I am today, but I understand why things change a person and how I have allowed this change to happen over the years. I hope that the road to heaven is not as bumpy as the road I have been on. I will continue to pray everyday for patience with myself and others as I move forward. And I know the lord will help me with the rest!