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So I spent many hours tonight just playing my .... It's been a while... a really long while. I just quit playing all together like six months ago, just because I got bored with it, or since today's stepping stone was about truth sort of, well I quite frankly just loved the alcohol more than playing my guitar.

This evening just turned out to be the first calm, quiet, sober evening I've had in a couple years... When it started getting dark is when i started thinking too much I guess... NOt really toomuch.... just got a lot on my mind. For one everybody talks about memories from when they were kids... Heck, half the time I can't even remember last year let alone when I was five, six, twelve, even sixteen... and I'm only 22. You'd think I could remember something... I look at pictures from when I was a kid with my siblings and for the life of me I can't figure out where we were or what we were doing.

It just creeps me out a bit.

But anyway... for some reason I realize that the very same friends I thought were the coolest people alive... or really just losers I decided to hang out with because I could drink and get high with them and just not care you know. I have to change my friends but I'm starting to think I just need to change my entire environment which I cant do until I graduate from college in May. Luckily then I can just find a graduate school that is far away from here.

I know I'm just rambling... that's what happens when you can't sleep at three in the morning I guess...

So... questions I will be pondering on for tonight.... or this morning... which ever way you look at it... : What is really my purpose for being alive? What friends do I need to keep and/or get rid of? How far away should I find a grad school? Why can't I remember stuff? Is there any family members that I might could have functional healthy relationships with? Is God listening to me when I pray? Am I becoming a better person yet?


And that concludes Day 7....

Hello friend.

I'd like to try to answer a few questions for you the best I can.

You asked....."Why can't I remember stuff?"

This is very common in abused people. Some even begin to remember the bad stuff but they can't remember anything good that happened. Sometimes stuff will start to surface. Sometimes it never does. What is most important is the future. And with the way you are choosing to follow the Lord your future is going to hold some wonderful things for you.

Is God listening to me when I pray?

When my children were born I use to listen to them breath. I watched every movement and was mesmerized by it. How much more God watches over you. I am certain He loves to listen to you talk to Him. Prayer is a two way conversation. He does speak. Listen for His voice.

Am I becoming a better person yet?

I see you growing in leaps and bounds. I think it's fabulous!

Praying for you!!!!

Hello deafening silence,

Isnt it a great feeling to just be still and that know that He is God? That He is in control? That is what i see you doing at this point. Starting to realise the freedom we have in Christ is an awesome experience.

He makes all things new

As for the friends and family... I would take it to Him and ask Him. What I have found in my own life and experience, that when God changed my life He also gave me the wisdom to be able to discern what was a healthy realtionship and what was not and most of the time when others noticed the change in me, they fell away from me all by themselves without any effort of my own. My desires changed and they were not interested in my new desires. Also i have found that when they notice the change and how we stand firm by HIs power it draws some in more to find out what it was that changed us so, and it is a great tool to be a witness to them and bring them with you to the Lord. Wedont want to outkast them but we can defintaley set up boundaries. God gives them the same grace He gave us and might not be their time to realise and it might just be the right time, only God knows, right?

Have fun embracing your new found freedom in HIm and keep growing in Him. He gives peace like no other person or vice.

Ps You were always a "better" person, you just didnt know it yet Thank U Lord for your Truth
Gbu sis
♥Jill

You are growing in Christ each day... I can see by the choices you make and how you look at things now. That is God working in your life. It will continue. It is hard to change if nothing around you changes but it can be done. Keep praying and asking God to bring people you way who are good for your life now. At a college there are lots of Christian organizations that might offer something. churches in the area may have student bible studies or activities. When the fall semester gets fired up they will be easier to find.

I think you are doing great... you want this but it does take work. God has a purpose and a plan for your life tho it may not be clear right now. You are in my prayers each day.

woohooo! amen to whats been said here..God is sooo good. He had a plan and a purpose for you and for your life before He created the earth. He knew you...every step you were gonna take. I love what Pine said about her children and watching them breathe. That is so very true. We have a new baby in the family that Ive been so blessed to be a part of this past week. She is so very beautiful..sweet.. and I too, love to hear her breathe..and the little sounds she makes. I cant imagine loving her more...and God loves her...and YOU even more! Its hard to imagine that kind of love..but it is who HE is. It is His kind of love...unconditional. When He looks at you He sees the you He created you to be. Nothing we do or dont do in this life catches Him by surprise. One day at a time, girl. He loves to hear every sound you make to Him..His desire and passion is for you..His daughter.

Love in Jesus,
momo