John's Journal Day 7
Posted: Wed Jun 08, 2011 5:39 pmWell the first day on miracle grow, which was yesterday, I scored a 60. Not too awful bad and a few things I could have easily done. Today after day 7 I am beginning to see that the main focus for me has to be getting back to the truth as it is given to me by the Truth. I have gone through all the usual: God doesn't love me, God doesn't forgive me, my life will never change, my kids don't love me, my family doesn't love me, I never do anything right, I'll never be good enough, etc., etc., etc.!!!
The truth is God does love me and forgive me. So does my family and especially my children. And most importantly God does want my life to change so I can be the me He made me to be. All of the rest of this stuff that I kept repeating to myself and believing were, and are, just excuses for not getting down to the business of believing God and obeying Him. It's real easy to say c'mon God...You know I can't do that...You know I can't do anything right. God, you can't use me...I'm a sinner...what would the rest of the world say. john...you can't help out in church...those people won't like you...nobody really does. Best of all...John don't love that person or extend yourself to another truly...you remember how bad you got hurt...that is exactly what will happen again... Just keep to yourself and stay safe...don't try anything extraordinary because you will fail and everyone will make fun of you. Look at what has happened in your life...you can't trust God. None of any of those things true at all
The hardest one is John you can't move on because you will be leaving your kids behind on their own...this is a wonderful lie that is built on shame and guilt of the past. Really I can't think of anything my kids need more from me than to see how God can save and transform a life. I have 4 or 5, what I believe for me, core truths that I keep telling myself when these thoughts come back and it is helping. If you see any of these thoughts creeping into me...and you'll be able to tell...please tell me the truth. Because I need to hear it over and over again
The truth is God does love me and forgive me. So does my family and especially my children. And most importantly God does want my life to change so I can be the me He made me to be. All of the rest of this stuff that I kept repeating to myself and believing were, and are, just excuses for not getting down to the business of believing God and obeying Him. It's real easy to say c'mon God...You know I can't do that...You know I can't do anything right. God, you can't use me...I'm a sinner...what would the rest of the world say. john...you can't help out in church...those people won't like you...nobody really does. Best of all...John don't love that person or extend yourself to another truly...you remember how bad you got hurt...that is exactly what will happen again... Just keep to yourself and stay safe...don't try anything extraordinary because you will fail and everyone will make fun of you. Look at what has happened in your life...you can't trust God. None of any of those things true at all
The hardest one is John you can't move on because you will be leaving your kids behind on their own...this is a wonderful lie that is built on shame and guilt of the past. Really I can't think of anything my kids need more from me than to see how God can save and transform a life. I have 4 or 5, what I believe for me, core truths that I keep telling myself when these thoughts come back and it is helping. If you see any of these thoughts creeping into me...and you'll be able to tell...please tell me the truth. Because I need to hear it over and over again
You are soooo going in the right direction. Keep up the good work. Moving on is hard and satan throws all kinds of stuff at us to make us feel defeated. You know the lies so hang on to the truth!! God will bless you when you stay close to HIM!!