Ron's Journal Day 2
Posted: Wed Jun 08, 2011 11:18 am
what I have felt...
Angry,vengful,scared,Lonely,Insecure,jealous,Hurt, Guilty, Offended.
Looking back,
I haven't been truthfull, I haven't been assertive, I totally collapsed as a man, as a husband, I went for the Lust, instead of the the Trust, But I realied I did love the other gal, My ex was more than willing to give me a chance, and I blew it... Because I knew that she would never change, Then when I realised things... I could not handle all the stress, lost my Job, lost everything I owned, wound up homeless, then Living with this other woman for a bit, Most likely Hurt her family in the process. I created a real mess all around, and I really have a tough time with it... Looking back, I can't believe what I have been thru and I am thankfull to god that I am now working, and have a home again.
I really Lost my way, But Looking back, There was No Genuine Honesty or trust in that relationship, It's seems as if I was getting ripped all the time. and I in turn Fired back. I was not being a very good person. I could of took the high road and tried to resolve issues better.... But honest to god, I didn't know how.... My mind was locked up with fear.... I tried to talk to her about what was going on, but I couldn't get thru to her.... Always that darn texting, she would hide behind it and launch missles at me, thats how i felt. I was once told I was the most selfish man on the planet... I was really injured by that comment.... I really need to let go of all those things that were said to me, and wipe the slate totally clean....
Angry,vengful,scared,Lonely,Insecure,jealous,Hurt, Guilty, Offended.
Looking back,
I haven't been truthfull, I haven't been assertive, I totally collapsed as a man, as a husband, I went for the Lust, instead of the the Trust, But I realied I did love the other gal, My ex was more than willing to give me a chance, and I blew it... Because I knew that she would never change, Then when I realised things... I could not handle all the stress, lost my Job, lost everything I owned, wound up homeless, then Living with this other woman for a bit, Most likely Hurt her family in the process. I created a real mess all around, and I really have a tough time with it... Looking back, I can't believe what I have been thru and I am thankfull to god that I am now working, and have a home again.
I really Lost my way, But Looking back, There was No Genuine Honesty or trust in that relationship, It's seems as if I was getting ripped all the time. and I in turn Fired back. I was not being a very good person. I could of took the high road and tried to resolve issues better.... But honest to god, I didn't know how.... My mind was locked up with fear.... I tried to talk to her about what was going on, but I couldn't get thru to her.... Always that darn texting, she would hide behind it and launch missles at me, thats how i felt. I was once told I was the most selfish man on the planet... I was really injured by that comment.... I really need to let go of all those things that were said to me, and wipe the slate totally clean....