My Journal
Posted: Fri May 06, 2011 10:57 amOk this is a bit weird for me.. Ive never wrote my feelings down but Im in a place I dont know what else to do.. So here it goes.
Today is a bit harder for me than normal and Im stuggling with the urge to cut or burn myself anything to take the pain away that I feel inside. I feel like im nothing and no one would want to love me or help me. Ive learned to hold everything inside and not to trust anyone.
Im consumed with fear, fear to be touched, fear to be loved, fear to be rejected, fear to be alive, fear to be dead.
Well this was a good start
Ok day two... I feel ok today but dont want to be left alone.. I had a panic attack this afternoon that has left me feeling weird but afterwards I got up and did what I normally do, so I didnt let it keep me down today with is a big victory..
Im not being so hard on myself today so yay me
I dont have many days like this but when they do happen it makes me crave to have more good days instead of bad and I think thats good... well im still learning to write what Im thinking
It may not be alot but Its alot to me..
I just dont want to be known as a freak here. 
Well today has not been a good day for me. I have so much thoughts going on in my head and I cant make them stop. Why do I even bother sometimes. It would be better if I wasnt alive. Ugh I hate feeling like this. I feel worthless. I try and be postive about things but man things keep piling up on me and I just want to give up and today this is how I feel. Hopfully tomarrow will be better.
Today is a bit harder for me than normal and Im stuggling with the urge to cut or burn myself anything to take the pain away that I feel inside. I feel like im nothing and no one would want to love me or help me. Ive learned to hold everything inside and not to trust anyone.
Im consumed with fear, fear to be touched, fear to be loved, fear to be rejected, fear to be alive, fear to be dead.
Well this was a good start
Ok day two... I feel ok today but dont want to be left alone.. I had a panic attack this afternoon that has left me feeling weird but afterwards I got up and did what I normally do, so I didnt let it keep me down today with is a big victory..
Im not being so hard on myself today so yay me
I dont have many days like this but when they do happen it makes me crave to have more good days instead of bad and I think thats good... well im still learning to write what Im thinking It may not be alot but Its alot to me..
I just dont want to be known as a freak here. Well today has not been a good day for me. I have so much thoughts going on in my head and I cant make them stop. Why do I even bother sometimes. It would be better if I wasnt alive. Ugh I hate feeling like this. I feel worthless. I try and be postive about things but man things keep piling up on me and I just want to give up and today this is how I feel. Hopfully tomarrow will be better. 
indeed a good start 
Lani
