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Ouch, ouch ouch! My flesh is screaming!I have got more energy today than I've had in months! Years! I'm gonna have to let this soak in a while. the worst part is that I knew this and just kept ignoring it! I can be patient to the point of passing something by when it finally comes and I can be so impatient that I force stuff before it's time and really make a mess of things. I need balance!! My worst mistake was getting married. Think that I mentioned that...love my kids-no denying that..My husband and I simply don't click. We have such different ways of viewing life and all it's challenges. He avoids confrontation so we never discuss anything. He left all decision making up to me! I went crazy 4 years ago and did some weird stuff, totally crashed, withdrew from life and went on tilt. Now that I'm getting my mind back, I'm freaking out! The battle is on! I'v got a lot of catching up to do. As do my children. I will calm down, re-read day 10 and most importantly, seek GOD!

I was wandering in my kitchen, I began to pray, "Lord God,...Before I could even think about what I wanted to pray about, He answered,"Yes!" It took me by surprise and I giggled.

This morning, after reading step 10 I felt something grabbing a tight hold in my gut and screaming, "NO!" I think I might have found the problem! Gotta get that sucker outa there!

Hello Babs

God bless you this day.

You see the difference don't you? The difference between operating in your carnal man/self, and operating in your spirit man/self.

Remember in scripture where the Apostle Paul said, "...I die daily..." ?? Yep, he laid down or died to his carnal man/self daily, and lived out his life in his spirit man/self. It is a choice. God still gives us that choice.

Patience is not something most of us operate in on our own. Ours is corrupt. BUT!!! and this is huge -- one of the fruits of The Holy Spirit is "patience" -- and The Holy Spirit lives inside of us, so guess what??? We have access to the fruit of The Holy Spirit. But, in order to use the fruit of The Holy Spirit we have to be in our spirit man/self. We have to connect with Him and BELIEVE.

Galatians 5:22-23
(22) But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering (patience), gentleness, goodness, faith,
(23) Meekness, temperance (self-control): against such there is no law.

So if we say we have no patience, we haven't tapped into The Holy Spirit's patience. He is willing that we do so. He is more than willing, He's delighted when we do.

Babs, remember that your own emotions are also in your spirit. They are sorta housed in the same spot that The Holy Spirit resides in. I think about that quite often, because if I allow my emotions to get all out of control, The Holy Spirit is having to witness that. I would hope that if The Lord walked into my house, in plain view, in all His glory, I would not have a hissy fit right there in front of Him -- no matter what had been going on minutes or seconds before His arrival. And of course, He knows if I'd be faking it too, sooooooooo what are my options? Repent, pray and connect to Him spirit to Spirit.

This scripture always Dings me good.
I Corinthians 1:16-17
(16) What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith He, shall be one flesh.
(17) But he that is joined unto The Lord is one spirit.

Wooooooohooooooo!!!

I know that you do not consider your marriage as ideal. But, Babs, for right now, just focus on growing your relationship with The Lord. He should be first anyway, so trust Him in this process.

I also know we humans tend to think that it would be so much easier to be patient if others would cooperate. Well, Hello!!! that would not require us to be patient if life and other people were cooperative, now would it???

So how does one connect spirit to Spirit? We pray, we read The Bible, we play inspirational music, and we Believe He is willing that we do.

I'm praying for you, Babs. God's blessed will be done.

God bless and keep you.
Love,
Mack

I thought of more to add to my today's entry and when I retured, I saw your reply. As I said, I'm not an avid reader--I'm a doer. Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God. I listen well. I listen to the wrong things lots of times but I also strain and cling to messages I hear in church. What you said about our own emotions being close to the Holy Spirit that lives within us--could that have been what was in my gut that didn't want to let go and/or leave it's place of control? I've heard lots about demon posession and opression but I also know that self has a lot to do with self, too. Paul's "I do what I don't want to do and what I want to do I don't..
" (conflict within, indeed!) How do I change? I am very stubborn and strong willed. I had to ask myself last week if I was actually enjoying being so miserable and unproductive. I just couldn't seem to shake it. Thank you for your advise and encouragement. I need all I can get!
My joy seemed to leave me when I got married. Not good, huh? Maybe that's why I find fault and get angry. I messed up and I'm trying to blame others. I know that I need to work on me and not focus on problems.
10 years ago we were on the verge of a split. I begged him to stay, did stupid things (pervertedly thought I was saving the marriage and family) How stupid! I told myself that it was for the kids but all along it was all about me. I didn't want the strain and struggle by myself. I wrongfully, knowingly entered into the relationship, had the 5th child which he did not want but now accepts, it seems the more miserable I am, the happier it makes him. I know, stop dwelling on that and work on me! I just don't know how to fix it and it hurts.

Hello Babs

I agree with you ..."faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God." Hallelujah!!!

I'm also very impacted by what I hear -- for the good, AND unfortunately, for the bad. So, it is important that we set boundaries on what we allow in through our ears.

Also, I want to point out another blessed scripture(s) Be sure to ask The Holy Spirit to read these scriptures with you, and help you receive them, fully.

I Corinthians 1:26-31

26For ye see your calling, brethren, how that not many wise men after the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called:

27But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty;

28And base things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen, yea, and things which are not, to bring to nought things that are:

29That no flesh should glory in his presence.

30But of him are ye in Christ Jesus, who of God is made unto us wisdom, and righteousness, and sanctification, and redemption:

31That, according as it is written, He that glorieth, let him glory in the Lord.

Babs, see God did not call any of us because we had it all together, or because we're some kind of brainiac -- even though some of us would love to think that.
Whatever God calls us to, He provides the means by which to accomplish it. Woooooohooooo!!! It is by His power.

So, you can tell yourself you don't understand through written word, but is it Truth? On your own maybe, but that is exactly the point God wants us to understand -- it's not on our own. It's through the supernatural anointing and gifting of God, and through the working power of The Holy Spirit that revelation comes.

verse 29: That no flesh should glory in His presence.

You state that you lost your joy when you got married. You may have lost "joy" but it wasn't the Joy of The Lord. (hold onto your seat here, Babs...this next one may sting a little)... You have to have it before you can loose it, and if you were not tight with God before, you most likely did not experience His Joy, before. What you experienced before, was the joy in things and accomplishments -- all temporal.

God's joy is dependent on nothing but Him -- God alone. It has nothing to do with our circumstances, our accomplishments, our financial status nor whether we are married or not. Same with His blessed peace. Awwwwwwww, I remember the first time I ever experienced His peace. It was in March of 2006. I could hear others arguing in an adjoining room as I sat there praying to Him, and suddenly He whisked me away in His blessed peace. It was breath-taking, blissful and perfect.

You asked:

How do I change? I am very stubborn and strong willed

the answer...You continue to seek God, and His Word, and you allow Him to work in you by the power of The Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit will change you, if you are a willing vessel. The Holy Spirit is a Gentleman, and will not force you, Babs.

By the way, I was very stubborn too, and miserable, and, and, and... but, I finally came to the end of myself, and waved a white flag. I just couldn't anymore. He was my last hope -- when He should have been my First. Nonetheless, He didn't hold that against me, but forgave me and changed me. I guess you could now describe me as "stubborn for The Lord" but, in reality, it's just that He pulls the blessed commitment out of me -- commitment to Him.

The sanctification process is just that...a process. It does take time. Hmmmmm, there's that patience thang, again.

As far as blaming others...remember in Step 1 or maybe Step 2 in the Study, blame goes all the way back to Adam and Eve and Satan, in the Garden. Now, you are learning how to walk with God. It is all about Him and you, right now. Don't look back, just keep focused on The Lord. He's got your back, and your front, and each side, if you will FOLLOW HIM.

God bless you.
Love,
Mack

OK out of the mouth of two or more witnesses let every word be established. I was listening to TBN (telethon is running, now) Got fussed at! They said that where we all are right now is where we need to be (marriage wise, like it or not!)
Concerning the scriptures that you shared, oh i definitely need the Holy Spirit to reveal their meaning to me! I guess I'm a do it yourselfer and I don't like asking for help but when I do, I want it now! Very fleshy!
I received the baptism of the Holy Spirit and the scriptures started jumping off the pages at me. That was 20 years ago. I was attending church and growing like crazy! Then, here comes this guy, newly divorced, I was gonna be his friend, etc.
Don't look back, right? When you're single, and younger, it just seems like it was easier. I have so many distractions now. So many others to consider besides myself.
I need to quit that, don't I? I mean excuses and blame game.
Thanks for holding my hand and helping me through this time. It will take time, indeed. If I'd only given more attention to the word years ago. At least I'm trying, now.

Oh what a tug of war is going on over you right now babs! Many people get confused because they don't know if the voice they are hearing is God's...what if I'm following the wrong voice...
when in doubt, bind it in Jesus' name. If it is of God, it won't matter, you will still hear....if it isn't, it will be bound and you can ask Holy Spirit for truth

I used to know. I guess I just entertained others along with it and really got into a mess. The wrong voice has been telling me that God isn't going to talk to me any more but I know that this is not true. I have got to, got to, got to test the spirits. It's gonna take some doing but I know that it is doable!
Thanks for following me and encouraging me so much!

Forgiving self. Apparently I was, possibly am still, harboring unforgiveness. I actually got to read all four steps without interruption. Somewhere in there I decided to forgive--no one inparticular, no occurance in particular--just forgive. I felt something leave! It kind of serpetined out of my being. I feel a little better each time something like this happens. I want to do 5-10 but it's late. Guess I'll call it a night (or morning!) Love to all.

I couldn't sleep so I got an early start. I do know the Holy Spirit. I have refused Him many times. He is still with me but I don't hear Him like I used to. Many times I have simply ignored Him. How do I appologize to Him??
Well, I just did. I heard a response but I couldn't understand it.
I never had the "electric shock down the spine" sensation. I have heard His voice and know it. I just chose to go the opposite way so many times. I know that He has saved my life, countless times. I know that He has kept me out of situations that were there to harm me even though I intentionally got into situations that were harmful to me. It is because of Him that I haven't abandoned my family.
I was told that it was Him that witnessed to me that I needed salvation.I can feel his presence in praise and worship. I know that He is real. Come to othink of it, I have seen Him from His chest down. He comforted me in the church service the night that I found out that I was pregnant with my first child. My pastor invited us to close our eyes and meditate on God. I can recall the vision I had still, today. He warned me many times to keep my mouth shut. Some times I would, most times I wouldn't. My pastor even commented that I had received a visitation of the Holy Spitit. All I could do was nod my head. How can anyone stay so stubborn? I need Him. I need Jesus. I need God. I have been my own boss for so long, it's hard to change.

hi babs
When I was reading your post, Inner Vows come into my mind. You might want to read this post about them.. http://www.christianityoasis.com/Member ... hp?t=19433

I learned how to know God's voice by binding the evil influences and my own thoughts in Jesus' name. You need to bind out loud because even though evil can put thoughts in your mind, they cannot read them. Ask for forgiveness of sins and test the spirit. Ask if it believes that Jesus is our savior come in the flesh. You will hear yes... or something simular. Now you know that the thoughts are His.

You can also tell the bad thoughts to leave you in Jesus' name and ask God to renew those thoughts with good. Have a favorite song or scripture.
Doing great babs!

Thank you for your message and your post. I am truly battling. I didn't realize how far gone I'd gotten away. Straight is the way and narrow the path and few find it. This was an irony to me. So many make professions of faith but stray from it. That's what I get for disobedience. I need a thorough clensing and daily washing of the word! I come under such conviction reading Psalms and Proverbs. Paul's letters to the Corinthians--Gods wrath throughout-- make me shudder to think what I transgressed. I guess that's why I avoid reading God's word. I know that it seems like I'm lying, saying that I have problems with the written word. This is a past thought. I actually am getting better comprehension of it. As a child and a student then as an adult I would avoid reading. Thank you. Lord for the written word and giving me the ability to read and understand it.

Hello Babs

God bless you this day.

I think when we walk away from God, it is usually in small steps, initially, and we really aren't aware of it. This life can be such a temptation -- throwing out one distraction after another: look here, look there, do this, do that, and as the louder, worldly voices and sounds come between God and us, we stop hearing His "still soft voice." And, of course, we cannot forget the enemy of our souls is forever on the prowl -- doing what he does best -- weaving his web of deceit.

Babs, the arm of God has reached out and brought you back. He loves you. The Lord God Almighty loves you. Hallelujah!!!

Hold tight to Him!!!

God bless and keep you, Babs.
Love,
Mack