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Still struggling. I have put Stone #1, #2 and #3 on a recorder and I listen to them before I go to bed and throughout the night when doubts and fears come, which is still quite often. I know the answer is renewing my mind. I will keep doing it. As Peter said, "Whom else has the words of Life?" I sat down to pray last night and felt I was supposed to write my husband a letter to express to him my gratitude for all he does. He is so good. Not perfect. But has a servant's heart. I realized how much I take the things he does for granted. I also realized to a small degree how ungrateful I am as a person. I am ungrateful to God and to Jesus for what He has done for me. I even had the thought in my prayers this morning (shocking) when I thanked Him for His grace, undeserved favor, for me: I actually thought why doesn't God have undeserved favor for ME without going through Jesus! I know it is a horrid thought, but as soon as I thought I rebuked it. But the thing I'm wondering is: could I have a demon inside that needs to be cast out. Could that be what is torturing my mind and what brings up rebellion, haughtiness and my inability to break through to believe God's power, love, provision and grace for me. I'm ashamed to voice these concerns. Yet I question my ability to BELIEVE the TRUTH. I hear people say I need to know who I am in Christ. They say His love for them washes over them, they are clean, they are unconditionally loved and bask in Abba's love. I haven't gotten there. Is it possible even for me? Still searching... still needing...still wanting to be filled with His love.

Hi dabs

Hey ya sis. We all can have torturous thoughts with out having a demon with in us. It's spiritual war fare sis. Gotta learn to not believe the lies and pull out the weeds that are planted then the thoughts will ease up. You can bind spirits that are near and cast them away. But I find if I don't deal with the whispers they are just right back at work shortly after.

What do you do with these torturous thoughts???

Let them play out? Accept them as truth? Fall for the doubt? Allow fear and worry to creep in?

What thoughts bring peace? Sometimes we can be so busy entertaining these torturous thoughts that we can't even begin to hear God.

Same with rebellion. We have it with in our flesh. I feel safe in saying we all have thoughts and act out on our rebellion. Same thing applies. Don't play with the thoughts of rebellion. As soon as you notice them, repent and make a plan of good you will do, then focus on that good plan. Not the rebellious one.

God bless and keep you. Keep on sis. It's a daily, even moment by moment thing. You'll get there. It will get easier.

Oh dabs my sister....sometimes when we look in the mine field for a flower...we find the flower instead of an explosion....I think that is where you have been and where you are going...you are walking amongst the mines now and finding flowers instead....

There are times...that you will still run across the scare of the mines...but just know that God will carry you over those mines...and keep you safe in His arms....just trust Him.

luv ya

Hello Dabs

God bless you this day.

Wooohoooo on recording the Steps. What a fantastic idea!!!

Dabs, The Holy Spirit continues to reveal things to you, and you are listening and receiving. That, dear Dabs, is a relationship. He speaks, you hear Him and you speak and He hears you.

Right now, because of the blessed Light, you are seeing all your flaws. The sanctification process is a very humbling process. But, please do not think for a moment that you are any worse than another, because you are not.

The Lord is opening up spiritual eyes and your spiritual ears, and, initially, it can be a little overwhelming, because we see and hear how unworthy we really are. But! Good News, God loves us anyway. And until we see and hear, we are just a whim away from total disaster, at any given moment.

You asked if you may have a demon. No, you do not have a demon. But there are demons and evil spirits all around us all. We just have to continue to choose to follow the lead of The Holy Spirit, praise our Heavenly Father, and allow Jesus to live out His life in us.

Dabs, you have many questions, and that is absolutely fantastic. The Holy Spirit is more than willing to answer your questions, over time. Remember, it is a process. But, I can tell you this, the things you'll learn from Him, will be revealed to you at a much quicker pace than it took you to learn the ways of the world -- as long as you stay committed to Him and His process. So far, you seem to be doing great at seeking Him. Keep going with Him.

The CCCC Study will also help in the process, because the study, itself, was inspired by The Holy Spirit. I encourage you to keep reading and digesting everything on each Step -- making sure you really take each of the scriptures (included in each step) into your heart. I hope you'll stay on the Path and read each step in the sequence they are presented. I will tell you this, though, Step 7 is Awesome!!! But, don't be tempted to jump other Stepping Stones -- just look forward to it.

Dabs, prayers continue to rise to our Lord, in the name of Jesus, on your behalf. God's blessed will be done.

God bless and keep you.
Love,
Mack

What do you do with these torturous thoughts???

Let them play out? Accept them as truth? Fall for the doubt? Allow fear and worry to creep in?

What thoughts bring peace? Sometimes we can be so busy entertaining these torturous thoughts that we can't even begin to hear God.

Oh my. They come so fast and furious. Sometimes it is hard to recognize, they just leave me feeling uneasy and disquieted in my soul.

Since you questioned me on this, this morning I have been more attuned to it. I had the poof thought (split second) that: maybe i'd be better off dead. But because you called me on it, I remembered what David said. He said that if his soul went down to Sheol, he would not be able to praise God's name and his righteousness. I wrote things down incessantly: You are my Redeemer, Savior and Friend. You are my Righteousness. Put on the helmet of salvation. You are the Strong Arm of the Lord. Healer. Fortress. Rock. Very certain help in time of need.

Then I had the thought: What if I'm not saved; who will help me then??? I wrote: Let the redeemed of the Lord say so! I receive the blood of the Lamb which was slain before the foundation of the world. He is my righteousness. I will not be ashamed.

Then my son didn't get the job he applied for. My thought: it's my fault because I passed on these issues of anxiety and insecurity to him. I am trying to fight it but it's a big one. I say I may have done that and for that I am so very sorry. But Steve will have to fight these battles for himself. I cannot do it for him. I pray for God to provide a job for him and to give him confidence in who he is in Christ as I am trying to learn and trust.

Another thought hits: I'm too much of a mess of nerves and insecurity to go to my Bible study, even for Christians to handle. I say: But we are all messes in our own way. God loves messes. There is much He can go with a mess. To God be the glory! God uses the base things of the world to confound the grander(?) things, that it be known to all that He gets the glory. For without Him I am nothing.

And on and on and on and on it goes. I am so tired of it. So tired.

Awesome! Keep up the battle and believe the truth. The lies will die down. The enemy won't continue wasting time on that battle if he continually looses.

I do understand those having those terrible thoughts...and where do they come from. I will be busy and BAM they just pop up to make me doubt to make me sad. I too rebuke them and it seems to help.

I love that you are able to recognize and try to conquor your doubts. You will win the struggle and I am praying for God to give you peace of mind....especially at night. That is a hard time for me too.

You are making good progress!

Thank you for challenging me Pine by asking what am I doing when the thoughts come. I took it heart. As I said, I was writing fast and furious the thoughts, and my rebuke to them. I did get the victory this afternoon. I'm quite sure it's not the end but it's a excellent beginning. I almost didn't go to my Bible study tonight, but I did. I almost let the praising time go without speaking up, but I did. I gave Jesus praise that He broke through my negative thoughts and gave me victory. They rejoiced for me and prayed for me and loved me all up in Christ's name. We were rocking the house with all that God is doing in the midst of our group. He goes before us. His banner over us is love. It feels so good to say that! It feels good to get a taste of being free. Thank you Mack, your love shines through. Sbennett thank you for understanding and for your prayers and Mlg. I think I shall sleep good tonight. May God give you blessings full measure, pressed down and overflowing with His joy and satisfaction. Amen.