Day 10 - The Path
Posted: Fri Sep 24, 2010 9:56 am
WOW! What a great lesson on prayer......alot of things stood out to me but the one that the Holy Spirit seems to be strongly impressing on me is about forgiving others when you pray. That is something that I struggle with daily. There are people in my life who have hurt me in such horrendous ways that I just can't seem to find it in my heart to forgive them....some of these folks have already passed on but I still want them punished for what they did to me. I feel like they deserve to be punished.........the same way I feel that I should be punished for the horrible things that I have done. I guess that being unable or unwilling to forgive them makes it even harder for me to forgive myself. Seems like a vicious cycle that I am caught up in. How do I break it? How do I find within me the strength and WILLINGNESS to forgive those that I deem unworthy of forgiveness? Where is my compassion? Why do I hate these folks so much? Do they deserve what I think they deserve or am I just being selfish? Am I allowing my pain to obscure my view? If so, then how do I let go of the pain so that I can move on with forgiveness? I believe that all of this also ties into the fact that I have a very difficult time accepting God's forgiveness......even though it is free......I have a difficult time accepting it. It must also play into my self esteem issues....I don't feel worthy to receive forgiveness, I don't like myself....in fact, it would probably be fair to say that there are times that I actually hate myself....those are the times that I just want to end it all. I don't know if any of this rambling makes sense but if it does, and you have words of wisdom or encouragement to share with me PLEASE do so!