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Today was a lesson just for me. I feel exactly as Paul explained. I feel the battle raging within me. I am trying to read my bible, listen to and sing praise music, and pray but find it extremely difficult to focus, concentrate, or retain what it is I am doing. It is like there is a barrier around me that keeps me from being able to talk to God....like my words just bounce off of the barrier and back to the floor. I know that my past is playing a part in this. Not that I haven't been forgiven but maybe there are some "weeds" so deeply imbedded in my mind that I haven't gotten to them yet. I was involved in the occult.....alot of deep and dark things happened to me while there. Maybe there are still some strongholds in my mind that I haven't allowed Him to remove. I believe that I have left "doors" in my mind open to satan and he still uses them at will. I need to find and shut them permanently. I don't know how quickly this will happen and I'm still trying to figure out exactly how to begin, but with the help of my friends here I believe that it can be done. Still struggle from time to time with whether or not I am truly saved......maybe that is just satan talking to me or maybe I really have missed it completely.....I don't know......but I do know that I need to establish that BEFORE I do anything else. Friends, this could be a long and difficult journey for me and I need your help and prayers as I go through it. I don't believe that I found this site by accident.......I believe that it was divine intervention. I plan on finishing these first 14 steps and then going back and repeating them unless someone has a better idea. I am open to your suggestions as I sense that many of you have been here before and can help guide me. I appreciate your patience, help, and most of all your prayers as I go through this. Don't give up on me....

find it extremely difficult to focus, concentrate, or retain what it is I am doing.

I do this often. I find if I bind my imagination and pray for Him to open my eyes and ears to His word and voice, it helps.

It is like there is a barrier around me that keeps me from being able to talk to God....like my words just bounce off of the barrier and back to the floor.

Don't trust your feelings. God DOES hear your prayers. Every word, even those you don't speak but your spirit speaks.

Romans 8:26
We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.

Even those deep weeds can be pulled. Give yourself some time and patience as God works His perfect work with in you. Keep talking to Him about them. And listening for His guidance.

Have you checked out the forum that helps with those who were or are involved int he occult or other demonic activity? I can't remember the name of it. Something about darkness. I'll help you find it if you haven't or can't.

I won't give up on you. But what is most important that you understand is that God will never give up on you.

You are doing great sister. You really are!! If you need help with those weeds, let us know. We're here to walk beside you as you take this journey to healing with Christ.

You believe in Him? Jesus Christ? That He died for you. That he's gone to make a place for you. That he loves you so much. You've received that right sis? Then those thoughts of your salvation not being secure are not from God but from the enemy cause he knows how this is the foundation of your spiritual walk and will try to use it to keep you from growing strong in Christ. Gods got good plans for you. Plans to prosper you.

Keep on. With hope. For good things are coming your way.

Love you much!!!!

Thank you so much! I will keep on moving forward....sometimes it may only be millimeters but forward movement is forward movement. I do believe that I have asked Him into my heart.....but I guess He just feels distant right now......and I know He didn't move.....

Amen!

So what are you allowing in the way?

Guilt?

Luke 7:48
Then Jesus said to her, Your sins are forgiven.

I don't know......I know it's there but I don't know what "it" is......but I am looking, asking, seeking, and knocking......the answer is here.....i just don't see it yet.

Sometimes it is hard to see because it's hard to admit to.

Praying for it to be revealed and for you as you work through this.

Love you!!!

Well look at you sis! Here you are forging ahead to day 8, and I know God is smiling. I also like how you've decided to persist through and redo the steps and continue working on you and your relationship with God until you finally are able to stand totally in the Light.

I think of the void you speak of between you and God and I think of the rich man and Lazarus...how the rich man was in hell and wanted Lazarus to be able to reach him...yet there was a giant void and Lazarus could not...but Lazarus could talk to the man...I think often times the enemy will pull us apart from God where we can't really get to sit in His presence...but we can still talk to Him...and I will say that it is through our reaching out that God can reach us back and pull us away from that firey pit the enemy is trying to toss us into.

Fight the good fight...keep going.

luv ya

Romans 10:9 That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord" and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

1 Corinthians 12:2-3 You know that when you were pagans, somehow or other you were influenced and led astray to mute idols. Therefore I tell you that no one who is speaking by the Spirit of God says, "Jesus be cursed" and no one can say "Jesus is Lord" except by the Holy Spirit.

The enemy will try to get you to believe all kinds of things so by following these scriptures, you will know the truth. Maybe finish your posts with... Jesus is my Lord and Savior