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this 14 step program was suggested to me, so i thought i would give it a try. I learned in A.A that taking suggestions isn't always a bad thing and that program changed my life and brought me back to jesus so perhaps maybe this can help me spiritually. i've been a christian for many years, since i was twelve i think and i'm 22 now. i struggled with drug addiction for ten years and a left jesus and my beliefs behind until recently when i found a solution and have been able to maintain abstinence. It's by the Grace of God that i am alive and clean today and i am grateful. I recently started going back to church and getting reacquainted with Jesus and it has been a wonderful journey so far.The problem with me at the moment is that i feel inadequate,spiritually,mentally, and emotionally. A.A helped me with my physical addiction to alcohol/drugs but all the damage is still there, my abandonment issues for not having a good parent in my life, the feeling s of inferiority and insecurity are all still there. i thaught they were gone but i realized i was just on this pink cloud. i love jesus, i really do but it's hard to have complete faith with all these underlying problems going unresolved and causing problem fo rme in my daily life. I learned in A.A that i need to share the solution that i have found with my addiction so i stepped way out of my comfort zone and talked to my youth pastor whom i just recently started to trust( trust is an issue for me, a big one!!) he was all find and dandy with it when we talked but after that the next week when i tried calling him to ask a question he wouldn't answer and before he did, i asked him a question about discipling to one of my friends and he just kinda gave a short answer and brushe dme off. now he won't take my callsand i feel like i did the wrong thing by reaching out to him to help me help others with drug problem as i had. that slwoly lead me to other doubts. now when i got to church sometimes, most times i feel like i don't belong, like i painted a target on myself and perhaps it is my own fault for reaching out, i do not know. i've learned to be honest as i possibly in A.A so here it is. I am so scared!!! i sometimes think life would have been easier if i had stayed oblivious like when i was using drugs, unaware that jesus was there and that He wants to help me, that i am in the midst of a spiritual war and that there is a very real ENEMY out there to get me , to keep me form having faith and sharing jesus cuz he couldn't keep form accepting his gift of eternal life thus keeping me out of heaven, i feel inferior in my faith so i'm scared to share jesus with otherscuz the one person i relied on fr help as i feel doesn't want to talk to me or something, FEAR!! that is just one of my underlying insecurities and problems this all may sound crazy but i find it hard to believe i the only one with these issues.. i know taht if i dont' get a foothold on these issues that it will give the enemy taht same power, taht same hold on me taht he had for those ten years, i'm afraid if i fall away form jesus again i may not come back to Him and taht i may slip back into my old life adn way of doing things. God's a big part of my recovery program and i have learned taht if i et that slip than my sobriaty goes after that and there isn't anything in this life i value more than God and Staying clean, i'm useless without them..

Hey kyle, welcome to the counseling program! You are now on your way to working through the issues that are still plaguing you. Most of our problems happen within our own mind...and we need to just do a bit of housekeeping to help us start getting on the right path with the Lord. Jesus is there for you kyle...and He is proud of you for staying sober. He also wants you to reach out to others and let them know there is a way out of addiction through Him....maybe it didn't happen at your church...but I can assure you that God has a plan for you...and He will reveal it in His time...so be patient and take this time to build your relationship with God stronger.

Praying for you through the steps.

luv ya

Hey Kyle

Glad to see you back , and , on the right side of the tracks this time .

Dunno , you have covered a lot of grounds in your post .
The immediate issues I am seeing , is the fact that you might be feeling a bit of rejection (from pastor) , but ... maybe he is seeing the same thing I am as well ?

Allow me to start with the addiction issue , you stated

i feel inadequate,spiritually,mentally, and emotionally. A.A helped me with my physical addiction to alcohol/drugs but all the damage is still there,

Well , for starters , we know all too well that addiction/alcoholism is a three fold illness , Physical , mental , spiritual .
This is where I am seeing where the "problem" is . AA deals with ALL THREE issues , starting of course , 1st with the physical aspect which is , DON'T PICK UP , no brainer there huh ? Here's the deal , threefold disease , you only covered one , no one needs AA to stop drinking , but we DO need AA to STAY stopped , and the ONLY way we can achieve that is by Spiritual awakening (the 12th step) but in order to get to the 12th step I have to work the other 11 first , don't you think ?


In Christ , our Lord

hello kyle

glad that u are on this journey.

yes, it is not easy when we tried to do something good, but then being pushed away. it cud make one to build a wall or crawl back into the dark hole to protect the self from being hurt again.

dun listen to the enemy. listen to His voice that is within u.

He said..dun be afraid..take courage, as He has conquered the world!

if He is for us..who can againts us.

progression is the key.

God is with u and keep u

love in Jesus,

sla

Day Two: what Vahn said got me thinking. although i have been through all my steps in A.A perhaps it is time to start all over again, reexamine my step 10 and 11 for perhaps there is lacking somewhere.. well i feel better than i did yesterday but more anxious today. I just shined my shoes and ironed my suit fro my Great uncles funeral. been sitting here thinking of the times i spent with him as a child and how much his death is impacting my family. perhaps this is my chance to share jeus with my unsaved family?? This to me is an axample of how short life is on this earth nd how important salvation is, for i do want to see my beloved family in heaven! the Bible verse that says do not conform to the standard of this world( paraphrased) stuck in my head. i thought perhaps this program was rubbish but now i'm thinking it may be a useful tool.. something else i was ponder( thinking out loud here). i feel as if my spiritual advisor has failed me( my youth pastor) and my sponsor in AA belongs to a different religion and doesn't really read the bible, so is it time to find another spiritual advisor???? can i really handle being rejected again by yet another man?? Should i find a sponsor in A.A that is a christian( a christian friend in recovery suggested that) but i love my sponsor as a father, he has done well by me and i don't want to leave him just because of our religious belief are different, to me thats seems like the wrong chioce for are all equal in God's eyes.. but where shall i find this person i am seeking if not within the staff at my church? i think perhaps yesterday was a result of me not talking about my problem and what has been bothering me. I had a revelation last night before bed. I voice came to me an and suddenly something washed over me like a crashing wave and i realized, i have nothing to complain about, yeah okay life isn't perfect but noones life is perfect right? But i am alive, clean, my daughters are healthy and i have friends and family who love me. Much more than some people i know. that voice said op me you are blessed and your complaining.. why??.. i like the part in taht step where it talked about the weeds and spiritual warfare. the idea of spiritual warfare scares me and my first thaught is well thats a bit unfair but as i have learned in church as i put on the Armour of God to combat that i guess i shoudl fidn taht in my Bible and read it.As for " the weeds in the garden" i knwo i have weeds so guess its time to get rid of them, but first i must identify what they are, than get rid of them and than start maintenance

Hey kyle...weeds are all the negative thoughts that keep you tied up and worried...start looking over your garden my friend and see what all you are spending time worrying about...and realize that those are weeds that need pulling...Time to put on the gloves and get to work digging.

This program is great kyle...as it really does help...it brings you closer to Him...and it strengthens you in your daily walk.

Keep working hard...and it will pay off.

luv ya

Peace, be still

Hello Kyle Good to see you here.

I'm a day behind in responding. I see you got right at it.

First finding a new sponsor. Someone once told me we can have more than one. I find it doesn't work to well with the spiritual part when your sponsor doesn't believe Jesus Christ is God and you do. Just what I personally feel. Perhaps it does work for others. But since you are seeking I'm thinking perhaps you to need a christian sponsor.

The weeds. Yuck. Well hearing a bit of your back ground I can guess what a few are. Not worth being loved? Feelings that complete forgiveness is for others but not you? Just to name a few to help you get started. Sometimes these thoughts (weeds) can be there so long you get use to them and don't notice they are weeds at all.

It's difficult, I know! But you can do it. Time and patience with yourself as the Lord continues the good work He began in you.

It is going to be ok Kyle! It really is.

The HARDEST aspect of working the steps , which in turn , makes it hard TO work the steps to its fullest benefit , is (*fishing for words*) failure to or the difficulty and inability to separate the issues we are faced to address for the first time .
Having found a "theory" for a solution , we become so anxious about "getting with it and get it over with" that we ALL make the mistake (a very common one at that) of bundling up ALL our issues in one neat package and try to apply them to the step at hand , usually , we jump right into the fourth & fifth next thing we know , we find ourselves overwhelmed and disappointed , and , naturally finger pointing follows (remember we haven't done anything yet) .

What we need to do , and yes it is difficult , is to separate EACH issue , and work the steps 1 thru 9 on each separately at first , we can start with ANY issue , preferably the most glaring one .
We might say " What ? do you know how long it'll take me to solve all my issues if I were to go about it like that ?"
Here's the MIRACLE of it , by instead of working one step on ALL the issues , and reversing the process , working ALL of the steps on ONE issue , we find ourselves saying "Hmm , it worked ! , I did it , I'm free ... from THAT issue !" . If it works on that , it will work on ALL , and wham , another miracle happens , we find out how much easier working on the next issue had become and so on with the next and the one after . And now we find out that we have passed through the arch a free people . IN LESS THAN 2 MONTHS !!
Don't get me wrong , there ARE ALWAYS issues that might take almost a lifetime , but , nevertheless , they will not have the same impact on us any longer . That's because by then we HAVE DADDY NEXT TO US AT ALL TIMES !!


In Christ , our Lord