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Well, it's actually been a little longer. I'm just reading day nine.

Brothers and sisters, I have to really put this out there. One of my biggest problems at this point is growing with my wife in God together, especially in this most vuneralble situation. The irony is that my wife is actually a Master'a level Christian Counselor! You'd think that we wouldn't have problems, but there are.

My wife and I have been together since 1995. We've been married for 5 years. We have gone through so many things together. There was one specific event that I really would like to share, but I'm a bit ashamed/scared and it may be too heavy to write about. It involves an event that could have destroyed my life and hers, but God's grace and mercy spared us and made it through.

I grew up with a primitive baptist background and my wife is pentecostal. I, for a time now have claimed non-denominational. I just love God, His Word and His Spirit!

Now, one of my problems at this time is trusting what she is saying about what God said for us to do at this time. I've expressed to my wife that I wanted us to be on one accord and agree with things of God, but this particular situation is very hard. At times, I can't shake the feeling that she's manipulating me and not being honest with me. I reel that we are pulling against each other in time where we should be pulling in the same direction.

This is what I can't take and understand. She believes that the Lord said for us to go to another state. She's believes I choose the wrong graduate school (which I didn't get in). The problem was that I'd didn't feel God leading me to that school. Now that I didn't get in, I have NO desire to go to any school, ever again. I'm done. HOWEVER, my wife insists and is holding to what she believes God said for us to go. We have no money, no jobs, dept piled up, living with my parents and you can only imagine. All I want to to is be able to pray with my wife, get a clear understanding of our situation, make a choice together with us both understanding and hearing God's purpose for us and get back to living a healthy life again.

We both asked God specific questions. My question was, "God, do I need a doctoral degree to operate in the purpose and plan that you have for my life? Her question was "God. should I go and pursue that place that I belive that you called us to be, without my husban?" Now, the place where she heard the Lord say has a major university in the city; but the problem is that I don't have the desire to go anymore and to be honest I am not getting into anymore dept with school ever again.

Sorry for writing much. As you can see, I have REAL, adult problems. It's just that it is very important to me that God is in our life and marriage. Till then,,,

harmonizer, did you read my post from day 7?

Hello Harmonizer

God bless you this day.

I've been following along closely with all your posts, and have been praying for you and your family.

I truly hope that what I'm about to share will honor The Lord.

He wants unity, not a false one. One pushing the other or one laying down ultimatums to force the other one's hand means the two of you are not one. And I cannot see where God would tell the wife and not the husband when it comes to making huge decisions such as changing location, especially when both husband and wife are seeking God's will in the matter. God does speak to wives; however, when the husband also seeks The Lord -- He does not just choose to communicate only with the wife and leave the husband in the dark to follow her lead.

If what you typed: your prayer versus what your wife prayed -- if it is truly representative of the truth of the matter, then I would say therein lies the problem(s).

Check out Genesis chapter 3, and also I Timothy chapter 2.

Also, remember when Elijah was told by God to anoint Elisha, and so when Elijah did, the sign was in giving Elisha his cloak. God is trying to give you your cloak of authority, which means you have to step up and lead your family. Step up in confidence, Harmonizer -- The Lord loves you. Trust Him, and believe to receive. He will lead you into all understanding and will empower you to do. And be prepared because with the authority comes the responsibility for your family's welfare.

I pray you continue in This Study, and that you really take it to heart.

God bless you and keep you.
Sister Mack

Just did deetu. Thanks.

The only problem that I have is that she will pack up a truck and just drive to that place and just sit and wait somewhere. She wanted to go to that place just as we pack up from the family dorm room where we were. No plan, no money, nowhere to go... With a u-haul and our stuff. I had just cried my more tears that I had ever cried in my life for about three to four daysm almost none stop. Literally! I was going through rejection, confusion, anxiety attacks, fear...you name it, I was going through it. Even with me in that state, she just wanted to pack up and go to that place. It about 5 hours away from our family.

Our home is probably worth about 95,000 and that's hoping. We owe 114,000, so we would still be in dept over our heads!

I'm actually afraid to leave from being close to my parents. My father is a diabetic, and is the only one working. He's going to retire on his birthday, He'll be 66. My mom doesn't work. My dead beat brother lives with them. He's 40! Has three kids that he's paying child support for and has had more jobs that half america combined. He's not dependable if something was to happen to either parent. I was trying position myself to be able to take care of my small family and be in a better position in case something happend to either parent. Did I mention that while I was going through the whole rejection/crying episode, my father had to go to the hospital and spend a day or two there? Now mix all this together with a wife, who I trully love and want to agree and trust with very badly. Also, try and able to function as a father to my son (he's 4) Oh yeah, I most likely can't get some basic jobs that are open because I'm over quailfied? I can't go baxk to teaching until the next school year. The kicker is that I get snapped at by my wife because I ask her to try and work where we are now...but she's saying that what God has for her in not here? It's all too much for me to handle...I try and give it all to Jesus, lean and depend on God, don't take things out of God's hand, but this is the hardest place/position/trial and tribulation? that I've had in my life....Sorry, just had to vent...

Well, one thing sort of got me a little out of the blue. Today I was talking to my parents and I saw my father looking a little down, I was felling it too, So I said to him, "I know I don't have any money to help with bills and things, I'll miss a couple of showers if need be." My mother said, we're not the only ones going through tough times...the neighbors on both sides said that their kids have comeback home and moved back in! Makes me think that something greater than my situation is going on...God is doing something. I guess all this that I'm going through is not my fault?

Hello again Harmonizer

Glad to see you staying the course , even if it is just for the venting . Vent away brother .

It sounds to me like some one got a package deal , and was so pleased upon receiving it , but when the package was opened , saying " Wait a minute , this , is not what I ordered ! " But , the "Sender" saying "Yep , you did ! Here's your order form , and I heard your request personally"

Does it sound familiar ? Only now , we get to read the small print and take a second look at the content of the box and we realize , "yep , this is the package I ordered , but , but and but " we cant say that in front of others now can we ? What's the next course of action ? Look for your index finger and start pointing !
The rawest deal I got when I found myself in a similar situation as yours , and went to my sponsor with it , he said each time I point my finger at something , there are always three pointing back at you .
See , your wife's actions did not make you cry , you cried for your own fear of losing , she was trying to get out of a situation that had a dead-end sign posted all over it . Your "dead-beat brother is not causing your father to retire or send him to the hospital , or even causing you to take "fewer showers" .
What I'm seeing here is , even right after Mack's response , with which by the way I strongly agree . When two people are praying to the same God , for the same reasons , and the same purpose and outcome , the same God does NOT give one answer to one and a different one to the other , The same Fountain cannot give forth both bitter AND sweet water at the same time . Let's face it Harmonizer , you just want to stay right where you are , and have the world around you to change . Well , the truth is , that's NOT a bad idea ! How is it going so far ?
Well , let me answer that for you Harmonizer , the world around you IS changing ! The prob is that's its not changing the way you like it to . I mean listen to you , you're even saying that God is giving two different answers ? Yeah , why not point your finger at him as well huh ?

Harmonizer , my dear brother , I would help my wife pack the U-Haul and offer her to drive it for her , so she'll keep an eye on the little one while riding . You are , according to what you're saying , at a dead-end here , what I cant figure out is what is it you're afraid of by going , another dead-end ? You're at one already !! Oh , here's the only difference between the two dead-ends I see , 1) A dead-end WITH a wife and kid . 2) A dead-end WITHOUT !

God will NEVER take you , where His Grace wont KEEP you !!

When all the arrows are pointing toward Kansas , you're not going to Switzerland !!

Give it up brother

I also wanted you to read the end of my post so you could hear God clearly by binding your thoughts and the enemy's influence in Jesus's name.

harmonizer, my sister heard the Lord tell her to move to Texas. Within two weeks she was packed and there. She lost her house where she was because of it but was able to buy a foreclosure with no money down. She did have an income of alimony but not alot by any means. God has been supplying her with what she needs so far. She goes thru times of no water or electric but she is expecting what He has for her there.

Your wife is right. If God needs workers where He is sending you, He will make it so you can go. Your wife's faith is amazing.

I was going through rejection, confusion, anxiety attacks, fear...you name it, I was going through it.

None of these are from God but the enemy will sure use them to keep you down.