Day 8
Posted: Thu Dec 31, 2009 5:36 pmThank you all, again, for chating and posting. It's helping me along.
I'd like to share a little more and hopfully clarify somethigs. I know I'm venting but please bare with me.
My wife and I both are seeking God's purpose for us during this season. I'm going to try and explain how I got to this point. In short, I felt overwhelmed finacially because I was support my family alone. I didn't mine at first, but I got stressed out because literally, when my wife stopped working 3 years ago, I wasn't able to carry around 20$ guest to have. God sustained us, but dept still piled up. Not only that, my job was stressing me out. I wasn't happy. The real reason was that I didn't feel that I was operating and doing what God had called me to do. Not only that, but my school district was and still is going through...like the rest of the world. Budget cuts, threats about job losses, partents acting a fool, the whole nine yards. So in all, I was dealing with job stress and finacial stress and I was not happy. To be very honest, I had NO intensions of going back to school. God knows I telling the truth! No desire AT ALL! I prayed and asked God about the situation. My wife and I discussed things and talked about how God has a way of getting us to move when He wants us to. It's kinda like Him shaking our nest to make us fly. He make's it so unconfortable untill we have to move. Not to mention that our pastor was preaching about "going to the next level".
My first action was to transfer to another school (middle school because I had had enough of high school). I had have away of hearing understand what God wanted; so, I told him that if I didn't get the middle school job and an elementary job instead, that was my 'sign" that he was directing me back to school. Sure enough, I was placed at an elementary school. (Which I really wsn't my first choice) I spent one year at the school and went to persue school the next. My wife and I talked and talked and disagreed, and disagreed. At this point I'd love to share another experience that I had with God at our church's campmeeting. Now our church is very radical and on fire for the Lord. It's an assembly of God, but my pastor is fully pentacostal! It is that experience, the prayer I prayed after the experience, and a VERY SPECIFIC message that he preached one Sunday. If it wasn't for that series of events, I would have not gone and tried to persue school. That experience is what I'm hurting and not understanding about God. I'm not running FROM Him but TO Him to understand what's going on.
My wife just says that I went to the wrong school and wrong place. It very weird but this is where I am. Hurt, confused, scared, but seeking and trying to understand and regain focus and repair my life. Trully, I believe God sees the whole picture and is in control, but brothers and sisters, it's scary. God bless all of you that reply. Sorry I'm typing too much, but I love God and I have to have my relationship with Him...
I'd like to share a little more and hopfully clarify somethigs. I know I'm venting but please bare with me.
My wife and I both are seeking God's purpose for us during this season. I'm going to try and explain how I got to this point. In short, I felt overwhelmed finacially because I was support my family alone. I didn't mine at first, but I got stressed out because literally, when my wife stopped working 3 years ago, I wasn't able to carry around 20$ guest to have. God sustained us, but dept still piled up. Not only that, my job was stressing me out. I wasn't happy. The real reason was that I didn't feel that I was operating and doing what God had called me to do. Not only that, but my school district was and still is going through...like the rest of the world. Budget cuts, threats about job losses, partents acting a fool, the whole nine yards. So in all, I was dealing with job stress and finacial stress and I was not happy. To be very honest, I had NO intensions of going back to school. God knows I telling the truth! No desire AT ALL! I prayed and asked God about the situation. My wife and I discussed things and talked about how God has a way of getting us to move when He wants us to. It's kinda like Him shaking our nest to make us fly. He make's it so unconfortable untill we have to move. Not to mention that our pastor was preaching about "going to the next level".
My first action was to transfer to another school (middle school because I had had enough of high school). I had have away of hearing understand what God wanted; so, I told him that if I didn't get the middle school job and an elementary job instead, that was my 'sign" that he was directing me back to school. Sure enough, I was placed at an elementary school. (Which I really wsn't my first choice) I spent one year at the school and went to persue school the next. My wife and I talked and talked and disagreed, and disagreed. At this point I'd love to share another experience that I had with God at our church's campmeeting. Now our church is very radical and on fire for the Lord. It's an assembly of God, but my pastor is fully pentacostal! It is that experience, the prayer I prayed after the experience, and a VERY SPECIFIC message that he preached one Sunday. If it wasn't for that series of events, I would have not gone and tried to persue school. That experience is what I'm hurting and not understanding about God. I'm not running FROM Him but TO Him to understand what's going on.
My wife just says that I went to the wrong school and wrong place. It very weird but this is where I am. Hurt, confused, scared, but seeking and trying to understand and regain focus and repair my life. Trully, I believe God sees the whole picture and is in control, but brothers and sisters, it's scary. God bless all of you that reply. Sorry I'm typing too much, but I love God and I have to have my relationship with Him...
