Christianity Oasis Member Forum & Chat Room

My name is Denise and this year has been extremely trying. I lost my parents this year (Mom in July and Dad in September). I grew up in a Christina home and was saved when I was 6. I have tried to live a moral Christian lifestyle and had until September 23rd. On September 23rd, my boyfriend (then) and now fiance was told his lung cancer was in remission after having battled it for 3 years. I don't have any excuses, but the emotions of losing my parents and then finally getting some good news - well we did something we should have waited until marriage to do. We immediately regretted it and agreed to never be intimate again unless we were married. However, we found out October 23rd that we had created a child that night. I was devastated, not about a baby, but that we aren't married. I am ashamed of myself, yet I already love this beautiful creation growing inside of me. I asked God to forgive me and asked for a sign that He accepted that I was truly ashamed for not waiting for marriage. I was feeling like I was forgiven when yesterday I found out we are not just expecting a baby, but we are expecting TWINS!! Can God really forgive me for what I did? When I walk into our church I can hear the whispers and also the comments from the ones who believe they are whispering, but everyone in the sanctuary can hear. I don't know where to turn or who I can talk to. Please help me>

hello sister denise

Welcome to Christianity Oasis. So happy our Lord led u here.

First let me say how very sorry I am for your loss. I cannot imagine what it feels like to lose a parent. May God bring you comfort and peace in your heart, and may you hold on to the truth that this separation is a temporary one, as they are not really gone, just the outer shell, and their souls live on for eternity in the Lord. You will see them again sister

Denise? Who determines what marriage is? God or man? Granted man requires that we go thru the hoopla of signing a certificate, picking out a dress, throwing a reception etc etc. And all that is just fine as many look forward to going thru the rituals of marriage. But at the heart of it, marriage is about a commitment and covenant, not just to each other, but to God.

If you and your fiance love each other, and are committed to each other, then who is to dispute that? God alone knows your hearts and He alone can judge you. How many people have that piece of paper, yet are busy cheating on each other, and disrespecting their spouses or abusing them etc? That paper doesnt make a marriage... So let the whisperers whisper. You focus on the blessings that God has brought into your life, and know that whatever past transgressions you may have committed are washed away by the blood of Christ.

Look to your future denise. Anyone who judges you, needs to examine the log in their own eyes, as we are ALL sinners.

Congratulations on your twins. Children are truly gifts from God. And praise God for your fiance's positive health results.

If you ever need a friend, I am but a PM away. Be blessed sister

Hello denise welcome to the Oasis. We are so glad to have you here.

So twins huh? How wonderful. Love those babies sis...cuz they are a gift from the Lord to you...in fact all children are God's and He chooses the one who He believes to be the best mom...and He chose you to have 2 of His precious children.

Denise...I have to agree with lizzie on marriage...marriage is a bond of the heart between man and woman...and God judges marriage by the heart..not by a piece of paper that man has written. If it would bring you peace to have that piece of paper sis...then I encourage you to go and get one...but....if you are truly committed to one another and belive that you will be together before the Lord forever...then you are already married.

I'm sorry that so many have taken to judging you sis. Please know that God is a loving God and He forgives as well. He wants you to forgive yourself and He wants you to come to see that He will help you get through this. He wants you to lean on Him. He wants to be your best friend. He is reaching out to you...reach back for Him sis.

Praying for you and your fiancee and the babies sis.

Take care and God Bless

Denise . . . yes, we love you and your twins and boyfriend, and want you *a*l*l* to be our friends and Jesus Family

And if you have a real Jesus church, you have people there who you can talk with, who love you and have loving forgiveness ready. Others who are not like this . . . are in trouble. And they are sinning, if they are not loving you like Jesus wants > no way, if they can't love you, are they able to keep themselves from shameful sinning while they are not in God's love. So, they need help. And you can be one who has forgiveness ready for *them*. This can help you be stronger in being assured of forgiveness, yourself.

"'Forgive and you will be forgiven.'"
(in Luke 6:37)

"'And whenever you stand praying,
if you have anything against anyone, forgive him,
that your Father in heaven may also forgive you
your trespasses.'" (Mark 11:25)

You are planning to get married. You need to give your attention not to what others may be saying about you, but to getting strong for marriage, so you can relate well and bear the differences that will ambush you and test you > be getting ready for how God will want *you* to forgive each other, and >

"Do all things without complaining and disputing,"
(Philippians 2:14) This is a basic to how God would have us to relate in His love with each other. This is part of being faithful to our Groom Jesus . . . how we do not have any relationships or affairs with complaining and arguing So, these are a shame, of cheating on our Groom Jesus > so . . . I'm "wondering" how those whisperers are doing for not shaming themselves by having relationships with complaining and arguing, but instead >

"with all lowliness and gentleness,
. . . . . . . . . . with longsuffering,
. . . . . . . bearing with one another in love,"

So, you can help them with your good example.

Hi Denise
I'd like to be your friend.


I had to giggle a bit when I read that you thought God gave you twins to get at you. He doesn't work like that
The enemy on the other hand will whisper lies to you that God doesn't forgive, that He gave you twins to punish you, that everyone is talking about you... He likes to make things look worse then they are.

You are searching for forgiveness. If you asked God to forgive you and truly repented, He has forgiven you.
Now you have to forgive yourself.

You said you are upset because you are not married. Is there anything from stopping you from getting married now?

I was watching the Nativity Story. It amazed me when Mary walked with her head high and didn't allow anyone to bother her. Pray for these people and forgive them their gossip. And you will grow as your children are growing.

Sorry about the loss of your parents.
Happy about your fiance's remission.

Hi Denise, and welcome to Oasis!

My sister in Jesus, i have to agree with lizzie and mlg. I piece of paper is not what God sees as a marriage and that piece of paper doesnt make the marriage or keep it a marriage..it is the commitment and covenant of the hearts that God sees. As for those babies...ahh, sis, babies are a blessing from the Lord. As for the people in the church who whisper...they arent your judges either.

I dont recall God telling Adam and Eve they must have a piece of paper (or even something written in earthly stone at that time ) saying they were married It was written in their hearts. God told Adam it was not good for man to be alone and created Eve...then told them to populate the earth. While i realize this goes against what many believe, seek what God is saying to you. Dont let the enemy tell you otherwise. Not all men can recieve this and if you are convicted in your spirit (not condemned, as condemnation is from the enemy), then make plans to have a ceremony for the marriage.

God bless you sis. Let go of the guilt and love and cherish what God has given you. They are His blessings to you.

in Jesus,
love momo